Be My Valentine

Here it is... tomorrow I mean. Valentine's Day. The day that started it all. The day I still kind of fall apart on... I can't help it. Being cursed for so long... John and I started to have a disagreement yesterday that turned into a standoff for a few hours and I crumbled. I let the "curse" take hold and I cried a little.

I thought this is ridiculous... it's just Wednesday. NOT the week of Valentine's Wednesday. 

So, I worked to make it better. And because he's my John... so did he. That is why we work. That is why we make it. Because together we have the same end result in our mind every time. Not once in while. EVERY time we want a solution that makes us both happy and we are willing to throw everything we've got at it. We talk openly and honestly like I wish I could have with so many other relationships, but didn't. I guess I had to grow up. I had to realize that someday, you have to spill some guts to get it all. Risk vs. reward.

I was afraid to let them see me. I would fall apart... not attractive. No one likes a girl that crumbles. Well, I crumble. And John knows that. He accepts that as part of me. He doesn't hold it against me and he doesn't prey on it. He also has a quick defense when I'm clearly not attacking. I work with it. I do not attack him either. I rework my words until I get the right ones. We have lived through all of the selfish, crazy, and "this is how it should be" scenarios that we've both made in our lives and have let them go. Yes, selfishness can rear it's head here and there... and sometimes it needs a cuddle and a pat on the head... yes, you can have your way... But, most of those little fits are just silly and we move on. We move on together.

I read an article yesterday about putting aside all the adjectives that we like to throw at our kids, our spouse, partner, colleagues etc... It started by asking what did parents say to Olympic athletes that made them so successful. Here is the link: 6 Words You Should Say. 

To sum up -  we can really sum up our feelings toward them very quickly with a simple and powerful statement. I've been trying it out... and damn if it doesn't work on me as much as the person I'm saying it to. You can feel the lovely energy and it makes you smile so much!! It feels like a lovely incantation that does so much good. Try it out today. Start with something simple like:
"I love watching you ________."

I love watching you play.

{doesn't matter if you're perfect to anyone else; you're always perfect to me}

I love watching you smile.

{and I will do everything in my power to make you smile}

I love watching you teach Xan.

{seeing John with Xan makes me miss my father, 

but I can see that Xan has a wonderful life ahead of him}

I love watching you make every detail on your uniform perfect.

{the pride and passion that goes into your work fills my heart with happiness for you}

I've put together a little montage of quotes that, to me, say something about how we love. 

You can print and share the ones that resonate most with you if you'd like. 

Everyday Is Important

The little things are always big things especially when your a little person. Xan is navigating the world of 15 months today. He is at the point that I know most people would be frustrated and immediately label "the terrible two's". The fact is, his brain and body are out of sync. He can think a lot faster than his hands can manipulate and feet can carry him. It is a natural reaction to be frustrated and whine when you can't achieve something. I've witnessed many 20, 30 and even 40 year olds go through this phase!

I'm helping him try to balance frustration with new ways to do things or just trying to slow him down a bit and focus. It is hard on some tasks, easier on others. I saw this quote today and it made me think of why I'm so very thankful to stay home with Xan and be his caretaker. I've heard all kinds of lovely derogatory remarks about stay at home mothers. (I also happen to do architecture at home within all of the crazy that happens day to day to earn a little extra money to fix up the house!) Whatever, I am going to raise my child as long as I can and I dare you to ask me what I do all day. Because I will remind you that I am taking care of a little person who can't do much of anything for himself... and a husband who is a close second... ;) Love ya babe!!

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

I hope you've noticed my absence. Maybe some have, maybe some haven't. Either way. I've noticed it! I have been on a whirlwind weird and wild ride since we landed back in Michigan. Some of it wonderful... some of it depressing, harsh and just down right ugly.

Mostly I've stayed away because I didn't have anything good or positive to say. So, I just didn't! I would start a post and it would inevitably start down the nastiest spiral. I've gotten over it. I have decided if that is some of what I need to say. I may say it. Regardless, I have hit a new higher road with all that has been dragging me down. I am happy to say that! John was on the roller coaster with me. He's also doing a lot better here. He's found a great job at Stryker and started this week! That has made a huge difference in the mood of our little home here on the Michigan prairie.

I thought I would start our return to blogging off with a really, really delicious recipe!!

Zucchini Bread... Don't give me that look!! I know, I know... been there done that. So you know I had to make it different! Vegan and less oil. But then balanced the universe back with chocolate chips. Pure love... Baked love.

I got this recipe from an awesome customer I met while I made my way through the 3rd layer of hell as a part-time employee at Lowe's. Yup. I had a great time! And Robyn made it even better! We all need a job somewhere at different times in our lives. I was lucky enough to grab a great gig at Lowe's while other things in my life were trying to balance out. It was a great anchor... I just put in my two weeks notice yesterday. I've been hired, as an independent consultant, to work on several planning/ urban design jobs for the forseeable future and Lowe's, Xan and John are all competing for attention.

So, Lowe's had to be told good-bye. I now get to stay home and work with Xan! And John is happily working 1st shift and gets home at 3pm!! So, like I said, things are going really well for us again. That isn't a monetary thing, it is just a stability thing!! Feeling like we are on the same road traveling together as a family. So many upsetting things were happening (we will get to them eventually) that we couldn't find our way for a while. I was making every sacrifice I could, so was John... but nothing was coming together. Until two weeks ago. We both had awesome returned phone calls, meetings and JOBS waiting for us on Monday!!

Anyway... until next post... that will be TOMORROW... 

"Happily!", she exclaimed. 

Please enjoy Robyn's recipe handed down from her mom. To make this vegan, substitute flax seed for the eggs (3 T and 9 T of water) And applesauce for oil. That is it!! And instead of nuts, I chose to add chocolate chips!

Love: Friendships

 "A friend is someone who knows you,

and loves you just the same."

-- Elbert Hubbard

I am going home soon. 6 days!! I'm excited to see my siblings and cousins... the best friends anyone can grow up with!  I've been away for so long... Going on about 8 years to be sentimental... There's much to catch up on with everyone. Just the same, I know I've changed a lot. Sure, there are stories to tell about doing this and that in all my travels. But those people who I've been able to keep in touch with through facebook or phone... or lovely visits know who I am. My change has happened happily on the inside. And of course with some well earned gray on the outside. Heck, the biggest changes in my life didn't necessarily happen in Rome or Winchester, although, I believe many events lead me to  the last two years. I've met my soul mate, I've gotten married, had the dearest blessing of a child and I'm about to move back home and start an incredible business venture with a great friend! {can I say that yet?!?}

I've had many 'homes'. But I've learned true HOME is where all the people you love are near by in both proximity but also in soul connections. While, to have proximity, I would have to fold the earth to get them ALL near me... So we rely on those deeper soul vibrations to keep us close. For two years Xan, John and I have been a little unit here on the prairie... we exist with each other happy and without cares outside of us. I hope for our sake, you can go home again. Because I want John and Xan to know the love that grows from dear friends and family that share your home, your food, your love and your happiness.

It will actually be an adjustment, although for me an incredibly necessary one, to have family near and visiting all the time again. I've grown casually used to being alone with Xan or John so much. I've had them to myself for so long. And they have had me. Now we have to share!! I laugh... But it has been an incredible opportunity for us to get to know one another in a way few couples get. We've had to break a lot of boundaries quickly, although for us it was never a difficult effort. I am stubborn, lord knows. And so is John... again, I smile. We are so much alike and yet we have brought two very different outlooks to one another. Bringing Xan into our lives has been a journey we've both looked forward to every single day. It truly does just keep getting better!

I've also been talking to a dear friend about friendships that are broken, people that disappear out of our lives, and how that can make you feel empty or as if you did something wrong. I don't always know why we leave people behind. We make a lot of decisions based on what is going on in that moment. Later we see that it was a bad decision and we try to mend fences or we feel embarrassed and decide to save face so to speak and just try to move forward. Audrey Hepburn said you should never leave anyone behind that you meet... and that is a generous sentiment. I have to admit though that God sends people into our lives {as the saying goes} for a reason, a season, or a lesson.  I ask the universe for a lot of forgiveness to be cast across my past. I ask for it a lot. I know I haven't always been the best friend, sister, cousin, niece, daughter, grand-daughter, wife, mother... that I could be. I know that I try harder everyday to be the person that I would look to admire. Afterall, Xan will not follow my words as much as he will follow my actions. I think about that a lot. John and I both do.

my sister kathy and her sweet litte guy nolan. he's 4 now and so tall. he's about 2 in this photo. i can't wait to see them!

As we might judge ourselves, or others for their decisions, perhaps we should remember that we don't always know the options that the other person had when they chose to do what they did. Emotions are wild things at times. And it seems like the right thing at the time... maybe it was our heart... hurt, upset, overjoyed, or some other fleeting bit that decided the outcome. Maybe it was your head... logical, pragmatic, or it just made things 'easier'. There are many causes and effects that come into play. I cannot judge others. I hope they have the heart to forgive my misguiding as well. I am clearing some cobwebs this spring, and opening my heart and soul to a new beginning. Is there anything more frightening and exciting than that? Nah, not for us.

xan... 8 months old.

As we head home to create new relationships out of old... as so many of my friends also have children that I'm excited to meet. I also have friends who don't have children and are excited to make Xan a part of their lives as extended aunties and uncles. What more could a kid want?? He's so unbelievably blessed!! His god-parents {Kristen & John} have remarked to us that he was born precisely at this moment in our lives for a reason. We know that is the truth... we live it everyday. He is an amazing soul. Just wait till you meet him! You will feel it too. I can't just say that as his mother... but yet, I can, can't I. {huge smile!}

I've been kind of a quote junkie this week... I thought I'd share a few that are from my quote collection about friendship.

If I could give you one thing in life, I would give you the ability to see yourself through my eyes. Only then would you realize how special you are to me.
 
Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be the living expression of God's kindness: kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile. -- Mother Teresa {this is the mantra for my blog}

Do not let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace. -- Dalai Lama

Surround yourself only with people who are going to lift you higher. -- Oprah Winfrey

The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice. -- Peggy O’Mara {but this works truly for everyone we encounter, doesn’t it.}

You might not know this... but I’d go out of my way, just to make sure that you’re okay.

What you do today is important, because you are exchanging a day of your life for it.

Always give a little more than you promise.

I believe that God sent you into my life to give me something to fight for, to show me there is love in this world, to give me hope and to bring me joy. All the proof in God I need is in you. You are a gift from the heavens.

Today you are YOU, that is truer than true. There is no one alive that is your than YOU. -- Dr. Seuss

Rowing harder doesn’t help if the boat is headed in the wrong direction. 

Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people. -- Eleanor Roosevelt.

You and I are more than friends... We’re like a really small gang.

The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts. -- Marcus Aurelies

People always tell you to follow your heart. What they don’t tell you is that it might not always be a happy ending.

Judging a person does not define who they are. It defines who YOU are.

When you think you’re going to lose something, is the moment it becomes the most important focus in your life. -- me... {and many others, don’t wait for that moment, be grateful EVERY day}

Four-Oh.

Two days after Valentine's has in the past ten years been a lonely day. It is my birthday. Mostly celebrating in accord with Valentine's Day, this year will not be the case! Finally, with two successful Valentine's Days under my belt, my birthday proves to be a day on its own! Woo Hoo!

In the past, my birthday years have been a celebration with clearance Valentine things and a visit to a restaurant then out dancing or something like that. Always the day my grandparents would leave for Florida throughout my entire childhood including the day OF my birth. Other years a brunch with girlfriends.  And once upon a time even a day to consume an entire bottle of wine and a very large slice of turtle cheesecake.... by myself.

If you're familiar at all with the title of my blog, it is because so many guys would dump me on or the day before Valentine's. I have to say this particular week has a bit of a curse attached to it. I keep thinking that it can't be true. And I have gone over and over it making sure I'm not creating a self-fulfilling prophecy each year. As far as I can tell, if I do, it's because I'm so desperate for it NOT to fail that I try to hard... possibly?

I can't help but be honest and say that the last two days have been difficult. John and I had a little tension brew up yesterday. It wasn't about us directly. It was about a rumor that bubbled and spat like lava around us last summer. It was a particularly hurtful rumor about John. And it hurt me as well. Like clockwork, the curse worked its magic and we saw ALL the perpetrators of the rumor at Wal-Mart the day before my birthday. Seriously. Every single person that spat the rumor was there! However silly it was, it wiggled in and made it a difficulty for us yesterday nonetheless. I got upset and grouchy. It was my fault. I let those idiots irritate me once again and they made me feel small again. Threatened again. I am supposed to me more mature in dealing with my emotions aren't I? Afterall, I'm 40.

My Theme for 2013

I recently read a little post on LinkedIn, another social network I belong to, that reminded me of something I do each year - unknowingly? I mean I know what I do... However, until this morning I had been making these little "resolutions" without much thought. I always make what I thought were good resolutions or goals around this time of the year {nerd}. Well, I would make goals or resolutions that will hopefully inspire me or motivate me in a WHOLE way. I don't make resolutions that are projects {i.e. go or quit doing this or that} Let me try to explain.

The post I read made me realize that I have been consciously doing myself the favor of setting goals with a theme. That is the spark here!! I make goals that have a theme! Okay... why did I not realize this?? But now it is crystal clear?? Let me try to explain that aspect... I am a huge fan of Strengths Finder. If you haven't heard of it... check this out. http://www.strengthsfinder.com/home.aspx

Since I've taken the evaluation, I have kept coming back to them. I love knowing them and seeing them in action {like now!}. I bring these strengths papers with me to interviews because they help me talk about me in a way I have never been able to. Sure, I can talk about what projects I've done or some skill set I have. Stuff like that. But when you're asked to talk about yourself, your character, the way you work, what you NEED to succeed in a job, it can be difficult. Either you sound too passive or egotistical. Or you may not even be able to answer with clarity what your strengths or weaknesses are.