Be My Valentine

Here it is... tomorrow I mean. Valentine's Day. The day that started it all. The day I still kind of fall apart on... I can't help it. Being cursed for so long... John and I started to have a disagreement yesterday that turned into a standoff for a few hours and I crumbled. I let the "curse" take hold and I cried a little.

I thought this is ridiculous... it's just Wednesday. NOT the week of Valentine's Wednesday. 

So, I worked to make it better. And because he's my John... so did he. That is why we work. That is why we make it. Because together we have the same end result in our mind every time. Not once in while. EVERY time we want a solution that makes us both happy and we are willing to throw everything we've got at it. We talk openly and honestly like I wish I could have with so many other relationships, but didn't. I guess I had to grow up. I had to realize that someday, you have to spill some guts to get it all. Risk vs. reward.

I was afraid to let them see me. I would fall apart... not attractive. No one likes a girl that crumbles. Well, I crumble. And John knows that. He accepts that as part of me. He doesn't hold it against me and he doesn't prey on it. He also has a quick defense when I'm clearly not attacking. I work with it. I do not attack him either. I rework my words until I get the right ones. We have lived through all of the selfish, crazy, and "this is how it should be" scenarios that we've both made in our lives and have let them go. Yes, selfishness can rear it's head here and there... and sometimes it needs a cuddle and a pat on the head... yes, you can have your way... But, most of those little fits are just silly and we move on. We move on together.

I read an article yesterday about putting aside all the adjectives that we like to throw at our kids, our spouse, partner, colleagues etc... It started by asking what did parents say to Olympic athletes that made them so successful. Here is the link: 6 Words You Should Say. 

To sum up -  we can really sum up our feelings toward them very quickly with a simple and powerful statement. I've been trying it out... and damn if it doesn't work on me as much as the person I'm saying it to. You can feel the lovely energy and it makes you smile so much!! It feels like a lovely incantation that does so much good. Try it out today. Start with something simple like:
"I love watching you ________."

I love watching you play.

{doesn't matter if you're perfect to anyone else; you're always perfect to me}

I love watching you smile.

{and I will do everything in my power to make you smile}

I love watching you teach Xan.

{seeing John with Xan makes me miss my father, 

but I can see that Xan has a wonderful life ahead of him}

I love watching you make every detail on your uniform perfect.

{the pride and passion that goes into your work fills my heart with happiness for you}

I've put together a little montage of quotes that, to me, say something about how we love. 

You can print and share the ones that resonate most with you if you'd like. 

Ready for 2014. DIY Happiness.

So, I title this DIY happiness. What am I getting at? Basically, what we choose to focus on in our lives does make us happier. However, I can't help but also being the victim of having SUCH a busy scattered unfocused life for so long that I feel like I'm literally missing something if I'm not constantly physically or mentally moving, searching, looking, improving myself... i must be human or something?...

will i ever be good enough? will i ever be successful? 

The absolute truth of the matter is... how will I ever know? How will I ever know if I'm good enough or successful if I'm constantly thinking I need to improve, need to do better, need to keep setting stronger, faster, better... unattainable goals. I say they are unattainable because I have not yet attained them in my imagination. I've focused on what I haven't done for too long. I have started a list of things I have done! What I have accomplished! Who cares if I set the goal or not... I did things that I didn't even know I wanted to do! And I am happy.

What I've been focusing on since 2010 (actually 2008). The "goals" that I thought were necessary to be happy and successful. I've focused on the fact I haven't attained them. I've focused on the how do I get them BACK. Yuck. It's really like wanting a bad relationship back. Bad Ju Ju. Letting GO!! Remove the trash!!!

Goal Unattained: In my 12 years of employment I would never make senior architect; nor senior planner at any firm that I worked in. Layoffs make it very difficult. My last corporate employment ended in 2010. It ended on a very, very, very sad and sour note. With my boss/ supervisor at the time on January 3rd making his last words to me:

"Happy frickin' New Year Rebekah."

I wish those words still didn't echo as loud as they do. I just wanted to squash him. But I just walked away as tall as I could.

But what did occur, was better than any goal 

I could have ever set for myself.

Goal that wasn't set... But what just "happened": I spoke with a woman that had been in touch earlier about a project for my former firm. However, I confided in her... I might be on the chopping block. Tammy, who would become a dear friend, on New Year's Eve 2011 would offer me the chance to start my own firm by contracting directly with me to prepare a series of documents for her that would keep me employed for 2 years. I now have my own firm. I have clients. I have published documents, plans and implemented policies and strategies. I did that with an incredible team (that wasn't a firm) in a small rural town.

THAT {to me} is DIY Happiness: Open yourself up to the world in a different way!! Don't ever let ANYONE hold your happiness key in their pocket. I really do believe that what you put into the world is what you get back... 3 fold... 10 fold... I have steady employment now that comes in from here and there. If I could focus more, I'm sure I'd get more! But I have Xan. He is my priority and my bit of the universe knows that. It hands me what I can realistically deal with. I really do appreciate that!!

I thought that if I had a title, a cool firm to work for, a boss to praise me, a team to work with... I could be fulfilled with everything that was my dream career... those have been my goals for YEARS! Even up to the end of this year I was begging for jobs. Sending out my resume to everyone I knew...

Nope. Not in the stars for me. And I focused on the rejection the lack of support. I forgot to focus on the work that was on my desk. The support from friends and family. That the phone that was ringing. Not to mention the orders that came into my Etsy shop, the creativity that I'm using everyday! THAT is what I need to put my positive energy into. My do-it-yourself business is REAL happiness. My blog header, my Etsy shop header... my about page says it! Why am I not meditating on it?? I meant it when I wrote it!! I love putting a happy message into the world. I want people to feel happy when they get one of my cards or pieces of art in the mail. I think of them when I am producing my work. I think... "I want the person who receives this to smile! I want to brighten their day!"

Not only is your food made with love... but this spoon... was stamped with LOVE!! xox

"I know that my inner cupid is not necessarily trying to get other people together... but to bring out the best in myself... and leave the people that I meet with a better sense of who they are too. Mother Teresa said (much more eloquently) that we should leave each person that crosses our path better than we found them. I think that goes for meeting on the internet too." -- from my welcome page xox

What I have done/ what I'm doing:

• Started up the Etsy store and focused on my art. Painting, stamping, wire, paper! All my favorite things!
• I have a successful planning/ architecture practice that gives John and I extra income every few months.
• I stay home with Xan and we have grown together like I could never have imagined. I love him so much!!
• I work from HOME!! {sometimes in PJs} I choose who I work with. No abusive bosses or co-workers!!
• I paint every morning. sigh... awesome.
• I have a loving, sweet, and adoring husband that supports me through whatever comes into my head next. Essential for any kind of artistic person!!
• I have moved home to Michigan to be closer to friends and family that I love dearly. My life is filled with so much more with them near John, Xan and I.
• I love being in my grandparent's old home. Yes, it needs love... but we can do it!
• 2014 is more Etsy marketing, craft shows and art focused. Planning and architecture will become the catalyst for doing art; not the other way around!! 
• I will let go of the relationships that have hurt me. I will let go of the goals that hurt me. I will let go of them because I am tired of their echos interfering with my future.
• No more goals. Direction is better.

I don't know what you're talking about. But it sounds illegal.

I've been making a ton of cards for Etsy, for gifts, and just having fun painting lately...

If you've seen the Fantastic Mr. Fox as many times as I have... you know this scene completely. If you haven't seen it... watch it. Immediately!! I will post some fun DIY christmas things soon.

First Words

Xan's first word was "mama" possibly not recognizing that it was ME. But he said it a lot from about 5 months old until 10 months when it became "dada". John and I were just so proud! But we knew an actual word was on the way soon. Sort of "hi" and "bye"... There were signs of this or that being said, but in the end it was babbling that we thought were words. They sounded right! But the consistent recognition wasn't there yet... until a few weeks ago.

Not a word. But a phrase. Not just any phrase, but a question...

"what's that?"

I'm not kidding. 15 months old and constantly pointing and asking... "what's that?", then on to "what's this?" now has expanded to "who's that?" Sometimes when he says "what's that" it sounds like "oh s#*t"... and everyone laughs... of course he says it again and again because he loves the laughs!! We indulge every request to answer what it is or who it is. After all, we don't want him to stop asking the good questions! 

Getting it Sorted Part II & Menu Planned!

Waking up at 5am requires my first cup of coffee to be really hot. Every other cup for some reason I can do warm... but the first cup... go figure.

Office Organization Redux

So, the office organization thing... stalled a bit. The help that I was getting had some troubles and I didn't get finished. sigh. However! This Saturday everyone has recommitted their assistance and hoping that we can get everything in order. I've also hired a "nanny"/ baby-sitter to come into our home and help me two days a week. I will let you know how that increases all of the organization and work load on the architectural end of my life... well, that is the plan anyway!

For another delay, we discovered a large nest of a former rodent tenant. YIK YUK YAK!!! So that needed taking care of for good. Oddly, we have cleaned up a lot of mouse crap and nesty materials but only one time. It makes me a bit nervous. Kind of on edge. Do we have mice? Did they move out after the year that there was no food in the house? We aren't sure what to think.

Anywho, we are moving forward with the cleaning up and painting on Saturday! I also took some advice from my friend Jenifer and posted a bunch of my Christmas jewelry on Ebay... happy to report... it is SELLING!! Woo Hoo!! Thanks J!! I am going to be putting a bunch of other things on Ebay now as well with the success I've been having.

Menu Planning

I also wanted to share a really cool menu organizing idea with all of you. I am trying it out right now with a lot of success. I ran across it on Pinterest (duh) and forgot to pin it!!! Who does that?? So I apologize for not giving credit to the original thought maker of this menu plan. I'm a bit naive with a few things in life so forgive me if this is common place for all of you but a stroke of genius to me!

First, I don't want my menu plan to be complicated... If you look at some past menu plans I've tried to work with a grocery list and had to write up the pantry items and keep track of things on hand etc... to sum up NOT WORKING. I need simple. Beyond simple actually... I need zero. So, this meal plan is by type of meal as opposed to what the meal actually is!! Get it??

For example... Your week of dinner could be broken out like this:

Monday - Soup and Sandwiches
Tuesday - Casserole/ one dish meal
Wednesday - Stir Fry
Thursday - International (Mexican, Italian, Middle Eastern... etc.)
Friday - Pizza
Saturday - Leftovers!! or our one night to eat out/ order in...
Sunday - Brinner ( Breakfast for dinner!) because we love brunch.

Whew! That seriously made this week tolerable. Instead of thinking what to do... I have a "heading" for the day to work from. My little brain can think... "WHAT kind of soup and sandwich will I make tonight..." I grab my iPad and go to my Pinterest board now labeled with the above headings... and pick out something yummy!! WOO HOO!!

To spice things up next month I might shift some things around as I get comfortable and make Friday International food... Sunday is soup and sandwich... bla bla bla you get what I mean. I'm doing my menu by month because again... I need SIMPLE. But if you have the need or want for flexibility you can happily change this menu and do this by the week. My husband and I are both creatures of habit and do not mind the routine. And this keeps me from having to worry about the grocery shopping as well. Ever been grocery shopping with a 15 month old? It isn't too bad... but, you have a time limit. (insert smile here)

Other headings could be:
Vegetarian, Tapas, Noodles, Something with Cheese, Crockpot, Grilled, Burgers, Salad, Poultry, Seafood, etc.

You could also label by cuisine type, region, or :

Italian, French, Irish, Chinese, Greek, Lebanese, Tex-Mex, etc.

You get me right?? I'm still trying to get my little templates attached so bear with me... But I've included one here!! Maybe you can print it out. I hope you can print it out if you'd like. If not, email me... and I will email it to you if you'd like. I've started this one with November. But the one I email to you, you can write in the week or month for your own organization!

And let me give you a little more love here... So when I say it is Pizza night... That could be flatbread, bagel, calzone, tortilla, cauliflower crust, crustless, Chicago style... the sky is the limit... SEE... 

brilliant.

Well. at least I thought so. ;) I hope you will too. I am putting together a vegetarian Thanksgiving and Christmas menu at the moment. I've been experimenting with different dishes to see if I like them. I will share soon so if you are thinking of some veggie options off the traditional route! 

A Place for Everything. Yes, Everything.

I feel ahead most days when I've got breakfast cooked before Xan gets up... 2/3s of a french press in my belly... and some kind of organizational plan going. That's where I trip up a bit. I'm always getting some sort of organization GOING. It is the keeping up with that trips me up. That red flag means that it's not the right organization tool. I'm thinking... guessing... still sorting out. I am a place maker!! An urban designer... I sort out all kinds of messed up street circulation, bizarre building configurations and even the wacky transit route or two. Why can't my office come together?? Well, John and I need an office space together. Something creative for us to work on our projects both paying and hobby.

Today, it was organizing a little thing my computer desktop so that I remember to log my hours when I work on a project. AND that I needed a daily task list. Where do I put that?? I don't want a post it stuck to my screen. I live in a world that is 80% analog and 20% digital. In fact, I create the digital image most of the time just to draw over it!! Ah, well. Right now my desk is such a disaster. I thought about photographing it for you, but then embarrassment set in and I started straightening before I was going to take the photo... Then I thought maybe the embarrassment MIGHT get me motivated! LOL... What an odd gal. So here is the photo. Please... don't judge too harshly. Afterall, this is a work in progress. John and I have big plans for the weekend cleaning and office/ craft space creation!!

Office of Shame

Yes, room is in desperate state after 3 days of charettes and meetings. With no crafting love here.

On the boards... A new pattern book and some little houses.

"Filing" system... or at least filing of some kind. Repurposed certainly. System is definitely stretching it.

Printer is organized! Sort of. Don't pay any attention to the mess on the floor....

John bought me this for my art supplies!! They are happily organized :)

So, the office is a disaster with only paper, some drawing filing and office supplies with a place. I also need some desperate help in the kitchen, bath and Xan's toys. Recycling is taking over the garage... as I can never remember every other week it goes out when?? And soda cans are worth $$ here!! So I need a clever way to pack that in the kitchen or mud room or something. There are dog things and kid things and Rebekah things and John things... everywhere! I've been Pinterest stalking some ideas... But I am on a budget and need something SIMPLE!!

The only thing is... I'm not a fan of labeled cloth lined grassy baskets. Everyone likes clear plastic containers and wicker. I don't like either in my office. I do like drawers. And thankfully our new space has cupboards and drawers. I don't mind boxes of holiday things in the basement or maybe in the bathroom... But office. Nope. Baskets get me in TROUBLE. So do some boxes for that matter. They always start out nice and organized... papers in this one, art stuff in that one... Then there is a day that I need to clean quickly and move things for a project and all of a sudden the box of "invoices/ receipts only" becomes a paper box of everything! I will share a photo of the new space on Sunday when it is completely cleaned out... You wouldn't believe the crazy right now. YIKES! My grandparents weren't hoarders... but they were... well... maybe I'm in denial?? They certainly kept EVERYTHING!! LOL!!

Maybe I'm asking for the world here... is it possible to have "things" that aren't perfect and have organization??  Or maybe I need an assistant?!

A note on "things". John and I both have a couple boxes of moments and memories. What to do with them?? They are good memories from travels etc. I'm not a scrappy scrapbooker... yet? However, I do like this idea for travel/ place journals that I pictured below. So that would be one box down! And it could fit nicely on a bookshelf in several little volumes - Rome, London, Athens, Winchester... . I have a lot of bookshelves. I like bookshelves. I actually like binders a lot. I could have a binder for everything. Only I'd like them to match! I need to order about 100 white 2" binders... That could work. But, as we know... not everything fits in an 8.5 x 11 binder. Which is most of my stuff... bummer. I guess I need to learn to live with containers of stuff. Wow... I can ramble. I'm glad you all can handle me.

Sometimes I wonder... why did I keep this stuff? Other times I think... WOW that was a great memory

I briefly mentioned that John and I were moving the office to a new location in the house. Upstairs! The house used to have a kitchen upstairs when my grandparents first moved into the house the lower floor was his doctor's office. So the upstairs was an apartment. My cousin Mike has been over the past two days helping me get my grandparents things in their right place so that John and I even have a place for our things. Christmas pile... paper pile... storage... donation... trash... etc. It has been a HUGE task that looks like someone ransacked the house. However, my grandparents weren't organizers but they sure were collectors! I have 2 boxes of christmas paper plates. uh huh. I'm not kidding. 3 grocery bags of sunglasses. 2 shoe boxes of exclusively Christmas jewelry - mostly pins.

Well, it's scheduled for this Saturday and Sunday to be put into shape! Mom, sis and even John is taking the weekend off to get it all set! Probably not painted yet as the weather has turned extremely cold here... But cleaned and organized. Can't wait to share the photos!

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

I hope you've noticed my absence. Maybe some have, maybe some haven't. Either way. I've noticed it! I have been on a whirlwind weird and wild ride since we landed back in Michigan. Some of it wonderful... some of it depressing, harsh and just down right ugly.

Mostly I've stayed away because I didn't have anything good or positive to say. So, I just didn't! I would start a post and it would inevitably start down the nastiest spiral. I've gotten over it. I have decided if that is some of what I need to say. I may say it. Regardless, I have hit a new higher road with all that has been dragging me down. I am happy to say that! John was on the roller coaster with me. He's also doing a lot better here. He's found a great job at Stryker and started this week! That has made a huge difference in the mood of our little home here on the Michigan prairie.

I thought I would start our return to blogging off with a really, really delicious recipe!!

Zucchini Bread... Don't give me that look!! I know, I know... been there done that. So you know I had to make it different! Vegan and less oil. But then balanced the universe back with chocolate chips. Pure love... Baked love.

I got this recipe from an awesome customer I met while I made my way through the 3rd layer of hell as a part-time employee at Lowe's. Yup. I had a great time! And Robyn made it even better! We all need a job somewhere at different times in our lives. I was lucky enough to grab a great gig at Lowe's while other things in my life were trying to balance out. It was a great anchor... I just put in my two weeks notice yesterday. I've been hired, as an independent consultant, to work on several planning/ urban design jobs for the forseeable future and Lowe's, Xan and John are all competing for attention.

So, Lowe's had to be told good-bye. I now get to stay home and work with Xan! And John is happily working 1st shift and gets home at 3pm!! So, like I said, things are going really well for us again. That isn't a monetary thing, it is just a stability thing!! Feeling like we are on the same road traveling together as a family. So many upsetting things were happening (we will get to them eventually) that we couldn't find our way for a while. I was making every sacrifice I could, so was John... but nothing was coming together. Until two weeks ago. We both had awesome returned phone calls, meetings and JOBS waiting for us on Monday!!

Anyway... until next post... that will be TOMORROW... 

"Happily!", she exclaimed. 

Please enjoy Robyn's recipe handed down from her mom. To make this vegan, substitute flax seed for the eggs (3 T and 9 T of water) And applesauce for oil. That is it!! And instead of nuts, I chose to add chocolate chips!

Love: Friendships

 "A friend is someone who knows you,

and loves you just the same."

-- Elbert Hubbard

I am going home soon. 6 days!! I'm excited to see my siblings and cousins... the best friends anyone can grow up with!  I've been away for so long... Going on about 8 years to be sentimental... There's much to catch up on with everyone. Just the same, I know I've changed a lot. Sure, there are stories to tell about doing this and that in all my travels. But those people who I've been able to keep in touch with through facebook or phone... or lovely visits know who I am. My change has happened happily on the inside. And of course with some well earned gray on the outside. Heck, the biggest changes in my life didn't necessarily happen in Rome or Winchester, although, I believe many events lead me to  the last two years. I've met my soul mate, I've gotten married, had the dearest blessing of a child and I'm about to move back home and start an incredible business venture with a great friend! {can I say that yet?!?}

I've had many 'homes'. But I've learned true HOME is where all the people you love are near by in both proximity but also in soul connections. While, to have proximity, I would have to fold the earth to get them ALL near me... So we rely on those deeper soul vibrations to keep us close. For two years Xan, John and I have been a little unit here on the prairie... we exist with each other happy and without cares outside of us. I hope for our sake, you can go home again. Because I want John and Xan to know the love that grows from dear friends and family that share your home, your food, your love and your happiness.

It will actually be an adjustment, although for me an incredibly necessary one, to have family near and visiting all the time again. I've grown casually used to being alone with Xan or John so much. I've had them to myself for so long. And they have had me. Now we have to share!! I laugh... But it has been an incredible opportunity for us to get to know one another in a way few couples get. We've had to break a lot of boundaries quickly, although for us it was never a difficult effort. I am stubborn, lord knows. And so is John... again, I smile. We are so much alike and yet we have brought two very different outlooks to one another. Bringing Xan into our lives has been a journey we've both looked forward to every single day. It truly does just keep getting better!

I've also been talking to a dear friend about friendships that are broken, people that disappear out of our lives, and how that can make you feel empty or as if you did something wrong. I don't always know why we leave people behind. We make a lot of decisions based on what is going on in that moment. Later we see that it was a bad decision and we try to mend fences or we feel embarrassed and decide to save face so to speak and just try to move forward. Audrey Hepburn said you should never leave anyone behind that you meet... and that is a generous sentiment. I have to admit though that God sends people into our lives {as the saying goes} for a reason, a season, or a lesson.  I ask the universe for a lot of forgiveness to be cast across my past. I ask for it a lot. I know I haven't always been the best friend, sister, cousin, niece, daughter, grand-daughter, wife, mother... that I could be. I know that I try harder everyday to be the person that I would look to admire. Afterall, Xan will not follow my words as much as he will follow my actions. I think about that a lot. John and I both do.

my sister kathy and her sweet litte guy nolan. he's 4 now and so tall. he's about 2 in this photo. i can't wait to see them!

As we might judge ourselves, or others for their decisions, perhaps we should remember that we don't always know the options that the other person had when they chose to do what they did. Emotions are wild things at times. And it seems like the right thing at the time... maybe it was our heart... hurt, upset, overjoyed, or some other fleeting bit that decided the outcome. Maybe it was your head... logical, pragmatic, or it just made things 'easier'. There are many causes and effects that come into play. I cannot judge others. I hope they have the heart to forgive my misguiding as well. I am clearing some cobwebs this spring, and opening my heart and soul to a new beginning. Is there anything more frightening and exciting than that? Nah, not for us.

xan... 8 months old.

As we head home to create new relationships out of old... as so many of my friends also have children that I'm excited to meet. I also have friends who don't have children and are excited to make Xan a part of their lives as extended aunties and uncles. What more could a kid want?? He's so unbelievably blessed!! His god-parents {Kristen & John} have remarked to us that he was born precisely at this moment in our lives for a reason. We know that is the truth... we live it everyday. He is an amazing soul. Just wait till you meet him! You will feel it too. I can't just say that as his mother... but yet, I can, can't I. {huge smile!}

I've been kind of a quote junkie this week... I thought I'd share a few that are from my quote collection about friendship.

If I could give you one thing in life, I would give you the ability to see yourself through my eyes. Only then would you realize how special you are to me.
 
Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be the living expression of God's kindness: kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile. -- Mother Teresa {this is the mantra for my blog}

Do not let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace. -- Dalai Lama

Surround yourself only with people who are going to lift you higher. -- Oprah Winfrey

The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice. -- Peggy O’Mara {but this works truly for everyone we encounter, doesn’t it.}

You might not know this... but I’d go out of my way, just to make sure that you’re okay.

What you do today is important, because you are exchanging a day of your life for it.

Always give a little more than you promise.

I believe that God sent you into my life to give me something to fight for, to show me there is love in this world, to give me hope and to bring me joy. All the proof in God I need is in you. You are a gift from the heavens.

Today you are YOU, that is truer than true. There is no one alive that is your than YOU. -- Dr. Seuss

Rowing harder doesn’t help if the boat is headed in the wrong direction. 

Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people. -- Eleanor Roosevelt.

You and I are more than friends... We’re like a really small gang.

The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts. -- Marcus Aurelies

People always tell you to follow your heart. What they don’t tell you is that it might not always be a happy ending.

Judging a person does not define who they are. It defines who YOU are.

When you think you’re going to lose something, is the moment it becomes the most important focus in your life. -- me... {and many others, don’t wait for that moment, be grateful EVERY day}

Eat & Love: Go Vegetarian for Meat Out Day March 20th!

{DISCLAIMER}: I'm on a soap box today. If you aren't ready to hear some honesty about what you eat and how you treat animals and your body... move along to the next blog.

However, if you're really ready to take a look at your soul, how to put good karma into the world, and become a calmer, happier and healthier individual... please have a seat, read on and join me!!

Recently, cooking has taken on a bit of nostalgia. While most families may cook a main dish, a couple of sides, each person chooses to have different beverages and eat what they'd like.

Not my family. I've had the pleasure of dining with my grandparents on numerous occasions with two completely separate meals prepared. Although, I've noticed it is common with families with very young children that they eat something different than their parents... kind of interesting. They eat chicken nuggets and hot dogs while the parents eat chicken breast and salad or some yummy veggies. Huh... why? I digress... back to my grandparents!

My grandparents

Yup. Two pretty close yet very separate dinners.

Love: Spring & Easter DIY

Spring in 9 days!! I hope where ever you are in the world where it will obviously be Spring... is starting to perk up!! The vernal equinox is inevitably a time of change, but unlike fall which can seem more like letting go... Spring is about growth and renewal. If you follow any sort of religious teaching, to me this time of the year, rather than New Year's Eve, is a much more suitable time to make a life change or resolution of some kind. It is the time when applications are due for masters programs... and PhDs... I'm not there yet... but I'm thinking... more on that later.

For me, I am ready for a change of scenery!! I'm ready to see my friends more than once a year and more than EVER I am ready to start making our home, back home, HOME. I am ready for the path that awaits us. We have a trip planned to return home (MICHIGAN) on March 28th!! I'm finally going to see my family and introduce our sweet little darling Xan!! He is going to be 8 months old on the 16th of March. It truly does feel like a time for renewal. Renewal of family and the values that I hold. I want Xan to know his aunties and uncles and his grandparents. I grew up with family all around. My cousins were my first best friends. I want that for Xan. I've been away for nearly 7 years... Seems like the perfect time of the year to return.

To see the stars, it must be very dark...

 For my part I know nothing with any certainty, 

but the sight of the stars makes me dream.
Vincent Van Gogh

 

Time and time again (the last seven years in particular) I've asked myself what am I going to do now? One thing ends and I pause to look and see where the next adventure will begin. I find myself on that trail again. Looking at a few paths that could be ahead of us and some of them dark or very long. Don't get me wrong, I've taken many of those long paths and been more than thankful that I did.

I just feel like I'm on some kind of spiral. I reach the end, and I'm at the beginning. It is a different situation; however, it is a similar circumstance each time. It is funny how each person seems to truly have a kind of destiny even if you don't always look at it that way. It seems my path has a lot to do with starting new adventures. I don't ever get to really delve into something the way I'd like. As soon as I've fulfilled my purpose I get sort of moved on in one way or another. I invented the curriculum, I am the guinea pig for new courses, I've started 3 offices, I create a new set of documents from scratch... I'm not complaining. Please don't read into it like that. I'm just saying it's interesting how I seem to be chosen for these innovative situations and I'm excited at the beginning... by the end, I'm bruised, everyone has moved on to the next gig or there were few that were actually willing to help build the vision. Or simply what I was involved in just wasn't the best evolution of the idea.

Love & Kindness

It's still February for a couple of days and I've still got the love bug dancing around in my heart...

I feel the need to pal up with my inner Cupid and talk about love and kindness. Not just the love between two people, but loving ourselves for who we are, loving what we do each day, loving our life and how we live it, loving what is around us, because we are part of it... Love and kindness should be our goal each day. Mother Teresa said it most eloquently:

"Let no one ever come to you 

without leaving better and happier. 

Be the living expression of God's kindness: 

kindness in your face, 

kindness in your eyes, 

kindness in your smile.”

Earlier last year, I was ready to begin yoga teacher training. Unfortunately, the closest place is Colorado Springs... 2.5 hours drive. And it is an 8 week course. I would need a sitter which is not possible at this moment. I will keep working on my yoga until I can become an instructor. Possibly when we get back home to Michigan someday... I mention this because I believe that my past yoga practice, and those teachers, has been an inspiration to meditate on positive energy and sending love and compassion into the world. I love going to yoga class and feeling not only as if I have a great physical workout, but a spiritual top-off.

Four-Oh.

Two days after Valentine's has in the past ten years been a lonely day. It is my birthday. Mostly celebrating in accord with Valentine's Day, this year will not be the case! Finally, with two successful Valentine's Days under my belt, my birthday proves to be a day on its own! Woo Hoo!

In the past, my birthday years have been a celebration with clearance Valentine things and a visit to a restaurant then out dancing or something like that. Always the day my grandparents would leave for Florida throughout my entire childhood including the day OF my birth. Other years a brunch with girlfriends.  And once upon a time even a day to consume an entire bottle of wine and a very large slice of turtle cheesecake.... by myself.

If you're familiar at all with the title of my blog, it is because so many guys would dump me on or the day before Valentine's. I have to say this particular week has a bit of a curse attached to it. I keep thinking that it can't be true. And I have gone over and over it making sure I'm not creating a self-fulfilling prophecy each year. As far as I can tell, if I do, it's because I'm so desperate for it NOT to fail that I try to hard... possibly?

I can't help but be honest and say that the last two days have been difficult. John and I had a little tension brew up yesterday. It wasn't about us directly. It was about a rumor that bubbled and spat like lava around us last summer. It was a particularly hurtful rumor about John. And it hurt me as well. Like clockwork, the curse worked its magic and we saw ALL the perpetrators of the rumor at Wal-Mart the day before my birthday. Seriously. Every single person that spat the rumor was there! However silly it was, it wiggled in and made it a difficulty for us yesterday nonetheless. I got upset and grouchy. It was my fault. I let those idiots irritate me once again and they made me feel small again. Threatened again. I am supposed to me more mature in dealing with my emotions aren't I? Afterall, I'm 40.

A Reunion with Cupid for Valentine's Day

With Valentine's in the namesake of my blog you have to know how special or how much Valentine's day has played into my life. Cupid is here with me today. He used to be my flat mate. For three years we lived together, talked, cried, laughed A LOT... even shared a few scary moments. Though it all we stayed the most amazing friends. So we thought we might talk about what life is like for both of us now four years after this blog has started.

Rebekah: Cupid, I remember when you got laid off and you turned up on my doorstep. I welcomed you in with open arms. I was so sad about your lot. I hoped I could help. How are you remembering that day four years later?

Cupid: Well my darling, it was the most difficult day in my life. Getting sacked as a bringer of love and happiness is no easy thing. I was boggled. Something drew me to your door. I had been hanging around you for a couple of years or so, on and off. I knew if I had the chance to regain any of my former self. I would find it in you. You never seemed to give up on love.

Rebekah: You've always been so kind to me. I love being in love I suppose. Maybe that's why we were always meant to somehow be in each others life. Even from the time that I was a little girl a Valentine with your picture on it, the big red and pink hearts... I just knew there could be nothing bad about this day! Yet, obviously as I got older that whole idea just seemed to be like reaching for stars.

Cupid: Funny thing about stars love... It has to be dark to see them doesn't it?

R: You're so missed... Now that love is all around this family I feel like I should be seeing more of you!

C: All of the cupids are drawn to those who are in love. It is an incredible thing to be promoted to a cupid for us. We seek out love like a little moth to the flame. We hope to fan it into exactly what you have. You're relationship and others like it are the pinnacle of our career!

R: I love your flattering words! My goodness we've been through so much! I'm so glad we were together in it all. I knew you would not fail me. I always trusted you... well, to a point!! You were grabbing for any straw there for a while buddy!

C: I know... I know... I so desperately wanted you to be happy! You're so kind and you had this great outlook before every date you went on. Trust me when I say - It wasn't YOU!

R: I am SO lucky to have you on my side! And I am glad that we made it through in the best way possible. I have to ask, when you got your job back, I hope it was my reference that made the difference to the higher ups.

C: Your reference made all the difference. When you told them how hard I worked, and that in the end it was my push that opened your heart to John... well, I was back with open arms. My colleagues are actually pushing me to go on the lecture circuit now to talk about our story.

R: WOW! Well, when you told John to propose to me at Tiffany's jewelry store... and picked out a ring circled in 'xoxoxox' that was more than brilliant... it was a dream come TRUE! Cupid, I would LOVE for you to share your stories on the blog... Could you do that? Be my guest blogger from time to time? Tell us about what's going on in the world of love? Trust me when I say we could team up on some great stories. The great ones and the sad ones.

C: I'd love to!! But I really have go to get going. Thanks for letting me catch up on this amazing day. I've got to go and set some things up in southern California for a lost couple. But I will be back very soon to write up some great love stories!

R: Thanks again for coming by. I hope we see you again soon. Hugs to you on your amazing day.

C: And love to you... Happy Valentine's Day <3 p="">

My Theme for 2013

I recently read a little post on LinkedIn, another social network I belong to, that reminded me of something I do each year - unknowingly? I mean I know what I do... However, until this morning I had been making these little "resolutions" without much thought. I always make what I thought were good resolutions or goals around this time of the year {nerd}. Well, I would make goals or resolutions that will hopefully inspire me or motivate me in a WHOLE way. I don't make resolutions that are projects {i.e. go or quit doing this or that} Let me try to explain.

The post I read made me realize that I have been consciously doing myself the favor of setting goals with a theme. That is the spark here!! I make goals that have a theme! Okay... why did I not realize this?? But now it is crystal clear?? Let me try to explain that aspect... I am a huge fan of Strengths Finder. If you haven't heard of it... check this out. http://www.strengthsfinder.com/home.aspx

Since I've taken the evaluation, I have kept coming back to them. I love knowing them and seeing them in action {like now!}. I bring these strengths papers with me to interviews because they help me talk about me in a way I have never been able to. Sure, I can talk about what projects I've done or some skill set I have. Stuff like that. But when you're asked to talk about yourself, your character, the way you work, what you NEED to succeed in a job, it can be difficult. Either you sound too passive or egotistical. Or you may not even be able to answer with clarity what your strengths or weaknesses are.

For the Love of Cookies

Maybe because having a child creates a scheduled life, or maybe because as we get older time just doesn't seem to slow down like it did when we were younger. Even in my teens a summer day lasted ages! Laying on the dock at Gull Lake. Nine Inch Nails in my sweet cd boom box. Sitting in the sun for hours... Yeah, I'll pay for that someday. I'm sure of it. But I blinked and summer was gone. Well, not here it isn't ever 'gone'. It was 72 today. But in the greater parts of Colorado they are enjoying snow. Oh how I feel robbed that I can't see the snow... sigh. I want to go snowboarding (whine whine). I'm making plans for February/ March. Hopefully, my friend Lindsay will join! And possibly my brother and sister-in-law too! It would be a really great trip to get everyone together. The snow should be stellar then too!

I'm making my Christmas lists today and getting ready to make some gifts for my family. Money has been tight for years... so I've made a tradition out of homemade gifts. It's nice to expect some good care packages with all the holiday parties, I'm sure my extra treats get gobbled up by someone! I've got my traditional baked goods going out, including sugar cookies the size of your head. I've got these awesome huge copper cookie cutters from Williams and Sonoma. I do love them...  As a tradition, each year I've treated myself to one. This year I have my eye on the snowman!

Friends, Foodies & Design Junkies...

I have felt a little guilty about my last two posts on this blog. Not because it isn't what I'm dealing with and excited about right now... but I guess it's the venue. I'm torn between writing about my family... and my 'job'. Well, I don't have a job... per se. I have a passion that I'm hoping will earn me some money. Thing is, I meant it when I said I was following some sage advice... I read that you should be doing for a living what you do when you procrastinate. I doodle, I look up fonts and color palettes... therefore I am. A lovely design life IS for me. For me this is the ultimate serenity where the flourish of a pretty calligraphy font meets those countless procrastination doodles in my sketchbooks. I can't help it that I covet pretty paper and heavily weighted pens. That at this very moment I have coffee, tea, water and soda on my desk simultaneously because I sit here for long periods of time getting inspired, or trying to inspire others.

To remedy these two parts of my heart... I've started a new blog! Just for the design junkies. I will keep My Prairie Valentine strictly for my family and life ranting related posts. And I will have the font and color palette love on my new blog... found here... http://flourishanddoodle.blogspot.com/ 

I hope you will appreciate that decision. I will get back to posting recipes ASAP! I love all of you... and thank you for making me feel like my writing is well... worth writing. I am also working on a new blog template so be patient with me. I'm excited to be working on it and didn't want to start changing parts until I have it all done. xoxo

P.S. I DO want to tell you that I got 3 design jobs today!! Of course they are all pro-bono. blah, blah, blah... Yes, I know. But, I need confidence right now. I feel like I'm building my non-existent portfolio. Bear with me... I am designing posters for 2 big events in the area. My name will be visible and the organizations promised to promote me. That also goes for a logo that I'm designing for a non-profit arts agency!! (who also asked me to be on their board of directors...) As for PAID work from said pro-bono folks, I have leads for a few other logo and branding clients. Just wanted to say... woo hoo!!

Home Sweet Home

I love fall. I think what intrigues me about fall is that it is such a beautifully colorful transition that ends in such a monochromatic season. I am missing Michigan always at this time. The abundance of trees and foliage makes for the most incredible sights. Here on the prairie it goes from a green/ brown hue to just all brown tones. It's always pretty bland and most of the trees look as though they've given up, but nature just keeps pushing them to sprout leaves year after year. But, they don't care.

In Michigan, fall is natures way of giving you a memory to hold on to. It goes all out like fireworks before winter. Leaving you with the impression of lovely rainbow hues I would imagine to get you through the black and white of winter. I know a few of my friends will be walking about seeing the beauty in Michigan through their fancy lenses as well. I am excited to see their work! My friend Amelia has already sent me gorgeous photos of our home and surrounding area. I'm so homesick...

The shed in our backyard

I also love the monochromatic winter. The deep snow. Really lovely deep snow. The shimmering sparkle on the snow in the backyard. The piles of freshly fallen powder that night groomed just before I plow through it with my snowboard. Crisp air that reminds you what air ought to smell and taste like. The mist that comes from your breath. The chill that I get stepping out of the door knowing that when I return home and walk inside it is warm and cozy. There are blankets I've used since I was a baby in this house. The oven is warm and yummy foods are prepared and drinking hot coffee in my grandparents kitchen. The home that will be ours very soon holds so many wonderful memories. We are about to create new traditions and hang on dearly to the old ones.

Home Sweet Home

Unfortunately, we won't be home until after the first of January. Unfortunate because I really wanted to decorate the house for Christmas. It is kind of a famous Christmas house in our town. My grandparents were on Channel 3 news and in the paper for their pretty decor. A tree in every room. And each room had a sort of theme. Growing up as a kid we had presents under every tree. Yup... every tree. Spoiled rotten the four of us. Somehow we all turned out really great! Not one of us is selfish or demanding. We help each other out every chance we get. I guess it just depends on who ya are.

But, I have some great Christmas ideas to get me through this time of homesickness. I'm making my grandmother's recipes for my family. Homemade caramels, cookies, and cracker toffee. I hope it will help me connect and feel closer. I need that right now. I will share my recipes as I begin making them in a couple of weeks. Please share your traditions and recipes too!

Addicted to Netflix Send Help

Tuesday began as a wonderful day! Monday felt so painfully long with Xan getting up so early and not sleeping on Sunday night. He had a rough time sleeping. I wasn't sure if it was his stuffy nose or if it was his dreams? Or is it my addiction to Netflix?

Yes. Netflix is a terrible addiction of mine... how did this happen? I don't have cable or a t.v. antenna so that's part of it. Instead I have Netflix with scores and scores of television, movies and documentaries. Oh, how I love documentaries!! Watching my wish list of movies is more difficult since they aren't all on instant, but the documentaries are wonderful. When Xan is dozing off in his bouncy seat after a bottle, I rock him and let the Netflix marathon begin! I'm watching all of the Alias episodes right now... Already finished Sherlock Holmes, Merlin, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and started the X files. Why do I feel so guilty??

If Chicken Were a Vegetable... OH, and Turkey too...

John and I eat vegetarian a couple times a week. I go back to my veg roots and whip up some of my old favorites. But damn... chicken keeps getting in the way of going full time vegetarian for John. I've tried introducing the fake stuff into some recipes. It works in a couple of my comfort food recipes but not when you just want a nice juicy piece of grilled chicken and veggies. Or a good turkey burger.

We have cut out all red meat, and we don't eat pork either. Just keeping low fat and low cholesterol keeps us pretty fit without even trying. I've noticed that when you make a burger or a steak... fried potatoes and other unhealthy sides come into play pretty naturally. And even if ya do just steam some veggies, take a look at a label for what a quarter pound burger contains. Yikes...

Plus, I've mentioned before that we live near hog and cattle farms... uh, yeah. All you need is a little window into the soul of that industry to make you run the other way. I'm thinking that maybe if we moved near a chicken operation we'd be completely done with eating animals. I've watched what some chicken processors do to their animals via Food Inc. and other documentaries. I do not buy from them (I will not mention names). I only buy organic, period. Someday I may even raise my own! Until that day, we will probably continue to eat as healthy as possible. So, I have been looking up some great healthy chicken recipes that I will share with you!