Be My Valentine

Here it is... tomorrow I mean. Valentine's Day. The day that started it all. The day I still kind of fall apart on... I can't help it. Being cursed for so long... John and I started to have a disagreement yesterday that turned into a standoff for a few hours and I crumbled. I let the "curse" take hold and I cried a little.

I thought this is ridiculous... it's just Wednesday. NOT the week of Valentine's Wednesday. 

So, I worked to make it better. And because he's my John... so did he. That is why we work. That is why we make it. Because together we have the same end result in our mind every time. Not once in while. EVERY time we want a solution that makes us both happy and we are willing to throw everything we've got at it. We talk openly and honestly like I wish I could have with so many other relationships, but didn't. I guess I had to grow up. I had to realize that someday, you have to spill some guts to get it all. Risk vs. reward.

I was afraid to let them see me. I would fall apart... not attractive. No one likes a girl that crumbles. Well, I crumble. And John knows that. He accepts that as part of me. He doesn't hold it against me and he doesn't prey on it. He also has a quick defense when I'm clearly not attacking. I work with it. I do not attack him either. I rework my words until I get the right ones. We have lived through all of the selfish, crazy, and "this is how it should be" scenarios that we've both made in our lives and have let them go. Yes, selfishness can rear it's head here and there... and sometimes it needs a cuddle and a pat on the head... yes, you can have your way... But, most of those little fits are just silly and we move on. We move on together.

I read an article yesterday about putting aside all the adjectives that we like to throw at our kids, our spouse, partner, colleagues etc... It started by asking what did parents say to Olympic athletes that made them so successful. Here is the link: 6 Words You Should Say. 

To sum up -  we can really sum up our feelings toward them very quickly with a simple and powerful statement. I've been trying it out... and damn if it doesn't work on me as much as the person I'm saying it to. You can feel the lovely energy and it makes you smile so much!! It feels like a lovely incantation that does so much good. Try it out today. Start with something simple like:
"I love watching you ________."

I love watching you play.

{doesn't matter if you're perfect to anyone else; you're always perfect to me}

I love watching you smile.

{and I will do everything in my power to make you smile}

I love watching you teach Xan.

{seeing John with Xan makes me miss my father, 

but I can see that Xan has a wonderful life ahead of him}

I love watching you make every detail on your uniform perfect.

{the pride and passion that goes into your work fills my heart with happiness for you}

I've put together a little montage of quotes that, to me, say something about how we love. 

You can print and share the ones that resonate most with you if you'd like. 

Everyday Is Important

The little things are always big things especially when your a little person. Xan is navigating the world of 15 months today. He is at the point that I know most people would be frustrated and immediately label "the terrible two's". The fact is, his brain and body are out of sync. He can think a lot faster than his hands can manipulate and feet can carry him. It is a natural reaction to be frustrated and whine when you can't achieve something. I've witnessed many 20, 30 and even 40 year olds go through this phase!

I'm helping him try to balance frustration with new ways to do things or just trying to slow him down a bit and focus. It is hard on some tasks, easier on others. I saw this quote today and it made me think of why I'm so very thankful to stay home with Xan and be his caretaker. I've heard all kinds of lovely derogatory remarks about stay at home mothers. (I also happen to do architecture at home within all of the crazy that happens day to day to earn a little extra money to fix up the house!) Whatever, I am going to raise my child as long as I can and I dare you to ask me what I do all day. Because I will remind you that I am taking care of a little person who can't do much of anything for himself... and a husband who is a close second... ;) Love ya babe!!

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

I hope you've noticed my absence. Maybe some have, maybe some haven't. Either way. I've noticed it! I have been on a whirlwind weird and wild ride since we landed back in Michigan. Some of it wonderful... some of it depressing, harsh and just down right ugly.

Mostly I've stayed away because I didn't have anything good or positive to say. So, I just didn't! I would start a post and it would inevitably start down the nastiest spiral. I've gotten over it. I have decided if that is some of what I need to say. I may say it. Regardless, I have hit a new higher road with all that has been dragging me down. I am happy to say that! John was on the roller coaster with me. He's also doing a lot better here. He's found a great job at Stryker and started this week! That has made a huge difference in the mood of our little home here on the Michigan prairie.

I thought I would start our return to blogging off with a really, really delicious recipe!!

Zucchini Bread... Don't give me that look!! I know, I know... been there done that. So you know I had to make it different! Vegan and less oil. But then balanced the universe back with chocolate chips. Pure love... Baked love.

I got this recipe from an awesome customer I met while I made my way through the 3rd layer of hell as a part-time employee at Lowe's. Yup. I had a great time! And Robyn made it even better! We all need a job somewhere at different times in our lives. I was lucky enough to grab a great gig at Lowe's while other things in my life were trying to balance out. It was a great anchor... I just put in my two weeks notice yesterday. I've been hired, as an independent consultant, to work on several planning/ urban design jobs for the forseeable future and Lowe's, Xan and John are all competing for attention.

So, Lowe's had to be told good-bye. I now get to stay home and work with Xan! And John is happily working 1st shift and gets home at 3pm!! So, like I said, things are going really well for us again. That isn't a monetary thing, it is just a stability thing!! Feeling like we are on the same road traveling together as a family. So many upsetting things were happening (we will get to them eventually) that we couldn't find our way for a while. I was making every sacrifice I could, so was John... but nothing was coming together. Until two weeks ago. We both had awesome returned phone calls, meetings and JOBS waiting for us on Monday!!

Anyway... until next post... that will be TOMORROW... 

"Happily!", she exclaimed. 

Please enjoy Robyn's recipe handed down from her mom. To make this vegan, substitute flax seed for the eggs (3 T and 9 T of water) And applesauce for oil. That is it!! And instead of nuts, I chose to add chocolate chips!

Love: Friendships

 "A friend is someone who knows you,

and loves you just the same."

-- Elbert Hubbard

I am going home soon. 6 days!! I'm excited to see my siblings and cousins... the best friends anyone can grow up with!  I've been away for so long... Going on about 8 years to be sentimental... There's much to catch up on with everyone. Just the same, I know I've changed a lot. Sure, there are stories to tell about doing this and that in all my travels. But those people who I've been able to keep in touch with through facebook or phone... or lovely visits know who I am. My change has happened happily on the inside. And of course with some well earned gray on the outside. Heck, the biggest changes in my life didn't necessarily happen in Rome or Winchester, although, I believe many events lead me to  the last two years. I've met my soul mate, I've gotten married, had the dearest blessing of a child and I'm about to move back home and start an incredible business venture with a great friend! {can I say that yet?!?}

I've had many 'homes'. But I've learned true HOME is where all the people you love are near by in both proximity but also in soul connections. While, to have proximity, I would have to fold the earth to get them ALL near me... So we rely on those deeper soul vibrations to keep us close. For two years Xan, John and I have been a little unit here on the prairie... we exist with each other happy and without cares outside of us. I hope for our sake, you can go home again. Because I want John and Xan to know the love that grows from dear friends and family that share your home, your food, your love and your happiness.

It will actually be an adjustment, although for me an incredibly necessary one, to have family near and visiting all the time again. I've grown casually used to being alone with Xan or John so much. I've had them to myself for so long. And they have had me. Now we have to share!! I laugh... But it has been an incredible opportunity for us to get to know one another in a way few couples get. We've had to break a lot of boundaries quickly, although for us it was never a difficult effort. I am stubborn, lord knows. And so is John... again, I smile. We are so much alike and yet we have brought two very different outlooks to one another. Bringing Xan into our lives has been a journey we've both looked forward to every single day. It truly does just keep getting better!

I've also been talking to a dear friend about friendships that are broken, people that disappear out of our lives, and how that can make you feel empty or as if you did something wrong. I don't always know why we leave people behind. We make a lot of decisions based on what is going on in that moment. Later we see that it was a bad decision and we try to mend fences or we feel embarrassed and decide to save face so to speak and just try to move forward. Audrey Hepburn said you should never leave anyone behind that you meet... and that is a generous sentiment. I have to admit though that God sends people into our lives {as the saying goes} for a reason, a season, or a lesson.  I ask the universe for a lot of forgiveness to be cast across my past. I ask for it a lot. I know I haven't always been the best friend, sister, cousin, niece, daughter, grand-daughter, wife, mother... that I could be. I know that I try harder everyday to be the person that I would look to admire. Afterall, Xan will not follow my words as much as he will follow my actions. I think about that a lot. John and I both do.

my sister kathy and her sweet litte guy nolan. he's 4 now and so tall. he's about 2 in this photo. i can't wait to see them!

As we might judge ourselves, or others for their decisions, perhaps we should remember that we don't always know the options that the other person had when they chose to do what they did. Emotions are wild things at times. And it seems like the right thing at the time... maybe it was our heart... hurt, upset, overjoyed, or some other fleeting bit that decided the outcome. Maybe it was your head... logical, pragmatic, or it just made things 'easier'. There are many causes and effects that come into play. I cannot judge others. I hope they have the heart to forgive my misguiding as well. I am clearing some cobwebs this spring, and opening my heart and soul to a new beginning. Is there anything more frightening and exciting than that? Nah, not for us.

xan... 8 months old.

As we head home to create new relationships out of old... as so many of my friends also have children that I'm excited to meet. I also have friends who don't have children and are excited to make Xan a part of their lives as extended aunties and uncles. What more could a kid want?? He's so unbelievably blessed!! His god-parents {Kristen & John} have remarked to us that he was born precisely at this moment in our lives for a reason. We know that is the truth... we live it everyday. He is an amazing soul. Just wait till you meet him! You will feel it too. I can't just say that as his mother... but yet, I can, can't I. {huge smile!}

I've been kind of a quote junkie this week... I thought I'd share a few that are from my quote collection about friendship.

If I could give you one thing in life, I would give you the ability to see yourself through my eyes. Only then would you realize how special you are to me.
 
Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be the living expression of God's kindness: kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile. -- Mother Teresa {this is the mantra for my blog}

Do not let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace. -- Dalai Lama

Surround yourself only with people who are going to lift you higher. -- Oprah Winfrey

The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice. -- Peggy O’Mara {but this works truly for everyone we encounter, doesn’t it.}

You might not know this... but I’d go out of my way, just to make sure that you’re okay.

What you do today is important, because you are exchanging a day of your life for it.

Always give a little more than you promise.

I believe that God sent you into my life to give me something to fight for, to show me there is love in this world, to give me hope and to bring me joy. All the proof in God I need is in you. You are a gift from the heavens.

Today you are YOU, that is truer than true. There is no one alive that is your than YOU. -- Dr. Seuss

Rowing harder doesn’t help if the boat is headed in the wrong direction. 

Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people. -- Eleanor Roosevelt.

You and I are more than friends... We’re like a really small gang.

The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts. -- Marcus Aurelies

People always tell you to follow your heart. What they don’t tell you is that it might not always be a happy ending.

Judging a person does not define who they are. It defines who YOU are.

When you think you’re going to lose something, is the moment it becomes the most important focus in your life. -- me... {and many others, don’t wait for that moment, be grateful EVERY day}

To see the stars, it must be very dark...

 For my part I know nothing with any certainty, 

but the sight of the stars makes me dream.
Vincent Van Gogh

 

Time and time again (the last seven years in particular) I've asked myself what am I going to do now? One thing ends and I pause to look and see where the next adventure will begin. I find myself on that trail again. Looking at a few paths that could be ahead of us and some of them dark or very long. Don't get me wrong, I've taken many of those long paths and been more than thankful that I did.

I just feel like I'm on some kind of spiral. I reach the end, and I'm at the beginning. It is a different situation; however, it is a similar circumstance each time. It is funny how each person seems to truly have a kind of destiny even if you don't always look at it that way. It seems my path has a lot to do with starting new adventures. I don't ever get to really delve into something the way I'd like. As soon as I've fulfilled my purpose I get sort of moved on in one way or another. I invented the curriculum, I am the guinea pig for new courses, I've started 3 offices, I create a new set of documents from scratch... I'm not complaining. Please don't read into it like that. I'm just saying it's interesting how I seem to be chosen for these innovative situations and I'm excited at the beginning... by the end, I'm bruised, everyone has moved on to the next gig or there were few that were actually willing to help build the vision. Or simply what I was involved in just wasn't the best evolution of the idea.

Love & Kindness

It's still February for a couple of days and I've still got the love bug dancing around in my heart...

I feel the need to pal up with my inner Cupid and talk about love and kindness. Not just the love between two people, but loving ourselves for who we are, loving what we do each day, loving our life and how we live it, loving what is around us, because we are part of it... Love and kindness should be our goal each day. Mother Teresa said it most eloquently:

"Let no one ever come to you 

without leaving better and happier. 

Be the living expression of God's kindness: 

kindness in your face, 

kindness in your eyes, 

kindness in your smile.”

Earlier last year, I was ready to begin yoga teacher training. Unfortunately, the closest place is Colorado Springs... 2.5 hours drive. And it is an 8 week course. I would need a sitter which is not possible at this moment. I will keep working on my yoga until I can become an instructor. Possibly when we get back home to Michigan someday... I mention this because I believe that my past yoga practice, and those teachers, has been an inspiration to meditate on positive energy and sending love and compassion into the world. I love going to yoga class and feeling not only as if I have a great physical workout, but a spiritual top-off.

Four-Oh.

Two days after Valentine's has in the past ten years been a lonely day. It is my birthday. Mostly celebrating in accord with Valentine's Day, this year will not be the case! Finally, with two successful Valentine's Days under my belt, my birthday proves to be a day on its own! Woo Hoo!

In the past, my birthday years have been a celebration with clearance Valentine things and a visit to a restaurant then out dancing or something like that. Always the day my grandparents would leave for Florida throughout my entire childhood including the day OF my birth. Other years a brunch with girlfriends.  And once upon a time even a day to consume an entire bottle of wine and a very large slice of turtle cheesecake.... by myself.

If you're familiar at all with the title of my blog, it is because so many guys would dump me on or the day before Valentine's. I have to say this particular week has a bit of a curse attached to it. I keep thinking that it can't be true. And I have gone over and over it making sure I'm not creating a self-fulfilling prophecy each year. As far as I can tell, if I do, it's because I'm so desperate for it NOT to fail that I try to hard... possibly?

I can't help but be honest and say that the last two days have been difficult. John and I had a little tension brew up yesterday. It wasn't about us directly. It was about a rumor that bubbled and spat like lava around us last summer. It was a particularly hurtful rumor about John. And it hurt me as well. Like clockwork, the curse worked its magic and we saw ALL the perpetrators of the rumor at Wal-Mart the day before my birthday. Seriously. Every single person that spat the rumor was there! However silly it was, it wiggled in and made it a difficulty for us yesterday nonetheless. I got upset and grouchy. It was my fault. I let those idiots irritate me once again and they made me feel small again. Threatened again. I am supposed to me more mature in dealing with my emotions aren't I? Afterall, I'm 40.

A Reunion with Cupid for Valentine's Day

With Valentine's in the namesake of my blog you have to know how special or how much Valentine's day has played into my life. Cupid is here with me today. He used to be my flat mate. For three years we lived together, talked, cried, laughed A LOT... even shared a few scary moments. Though it all we stayed the most amazing friends. So we thought we might talk about what life is like for both of us now four years after this blog has started.

Rebekah: Cupid, I remember when you got laid off and you turned up on my doorstep. I welcomed you in with open arms. I was so sad about your lot. I hoped I could help. How are you remembering that day four years later?

Cupid: Well my darling, it was the most difficult day in my life. Getting sacked as a bringer of love and happiness is no easy thing. I was boggled. Something drew me to your door. I had been hanging around you for a couple of years or so, on and off. I knew if I had the chance to regain any of my former self. I would find it in you. You never seemed to give up on love.

Rebekah: You've always been so kind to me. I love being in love I suppose. Maybe that's why we were always meant to somehow be in each others life. Even from the time that I was a little girl a Valentine with your picture on it, the big red and pink hearts... I just knew there could be nothing bad about this day! Yet, obviously as I got older that whole idea just seemed to be like reaching for stars.

Cupid: Funny thing about stars love... It has to be dark to see them doesn't it?

R: You're so missed... Now that love is all around this family I feel like I should be seeing more of you!

C: All of the cupids are drawn to those who are in love. It is an incredible thing to be promoted to a cupid for us. We seek out love like a little moth to the flame. We hope to fan it into exactly what you have. You're relationship and others like it are the pinnacle of our career!

R: I love your flattering words! My goodness we've been through so much! I'm so glad we were together in it all. I knew you would not fail me. I always trusted you... well, to a point!! You were grabbing for any straw there for a while buddy!

C: I know... I know... I so desperately wanted you to be happy! You're so kind and you had this great outlook before every date you went on. Trust me when I say - It wasn't YOU!

R: I am SO lucky to have you on my side! And I am glad that we made it through in the best way possible. I have to ask, when you got your job back, I hope it was my reference that made the difference to the higher ups.

C: Your reference made all the difference. When you told them how hard I worked, and that in the end it was my push that opened your heart to John... well, I was back with open arms. My colleagues are actually pushing me to go on the lecture circuit now to talk about our story.

R: WOW! Well, when you told John to propose to me at Tiffany's jewelry store... and picked out a ring circled in 'xoxoxox' that was more than brilliant... it was a dream come TRUE! Cupid, I would LOVE for you to share your stories on the blog... Could you do that? Be my guest blogger from time to time? Tell us about what's going on in the world of love? Trust me when I say we could team up on some great stories. The great ones and the sad ones.

C: I'd love to!! But I really have go to get going. Thanks for letting me catch up on this amazing day. I've got to go and set some things up in southern California for a lost couple. But I will be back very soon to write up some great love stories!

R: Thanks again for coming by. I hope we see you again soon. Hugs to you on your amazing day.

C: And love to you... Happy Valentine's Day <3 p="">

My Theme for 2013

I recently read a little post on LinkedIn, another social network I belong to, that reminded me of something I do each year - unknowingly? I mean I know what I do... However, until this morning I had been making these little "resolutions" without much thought. I always make what I thought were good resolutions or goals around this time of the year {nerd}. Well, I would make goals or resolutions that will hopefully inspire me or motivate me in a WHOLE way. I don't make resolutions that are projects {i.e. go or quit doing this or that} Let me try to explain.

The post I read made me realize that I have been consciously doing myself the favor of setting goals with a theme. That is the spark here!! I make goals that have a theme! Okay... why did I not realize this?? But now it is crystal clear?? Let me try to explain that aspect... I am a huge fan of Strengths Finder. If you haven't heard of it... check this out. http://www.strengthsfinder.com/home.aspx

Since I've taken the evaluation, I have kept coming back to them. I love knowing them and seeing them in action {like now!}. I bring these strengths papers with me to interviews because they help me talk about me in a way I have never been able to. Sure, I can talk about what projects I've done or some skill set I have. Stuff like that. But when you're asked to talk about yourself, your character, the way you work, what you NEED to succeed in a job, it can be difficult. Either you sound too passive or egotistical. Or you may not even be able to answer with clarity what your strengths or weaknesses are.

Home Sweet Home

I love fall. I think what intrigues me about fall is that it is such a beautifully colorful transition that ends in such a monochromatic season. I am missing Michigan always at this time. The abundance of trees and foliage makes for the most incredible sights. Here on the prairie it goes from a green/ brown hue to just all brown tones. It's always pretty bland and most of the trees look as though they've given up, but nature just keeps pushing them to sprout leaves year after year. But, they don't care.

In Michigan, fall is natures way of giving you a memory to hold on to. It goes all out like fireworks before winter. Leaving you with the impression of lovely rainbow hues I would imagine to get you through the black and white of winter. I know a few of my friends will be walking about seeing the beauty in Michigan through their fancy lenses as well. I am excited to see their work! My friend Amelia has already sent me gorgeous photos of our home and surrounding area. I'm so homesick...

The shed in our backyard

I also love the monochromatic winter. The deep snow. Really lovely deep snow. The shimmering sparkle on the snow in the backyard. The piles of freshly fallen powder that night groomed just before I plow through it with my snowboard. Crisp air that reminds you what air ought to smell and taste like. The mist that comes from your breath. The chill that I get stepping out of the door knowing that when I return home and walk inside it is warm and cozy. There are blankets I've used since I was a baby in this house. The oven is warm and yummy foods are prepared and drinking hot coffee in my grandparents kitchen. The home that will be ours very soon holds so many wonderful memories. We are about to create new traditions and hang on dearly to the old ones.

Home Sweet Home

Unfortunately, we won't be home until after the first of January. Unfortunate because I really wanted to decorate the house for Christmas. It is kind of a famous Christmas house in our town. My grandparents were on Channel 3 news and in the paper for their pretty decor. A tree in every room. And each room had a sort of theme. Growing up as a kid we had presents under every tree. Yup... every tree. Spoiled rotten the four of us. Somehow we all turned out really great! Not one of us is selfish or demanding. We help each other out every chance we get. I guess it just depends on who ya are.

But, I have some great Christmas ideas to get me through this time of homesickness. I'm making my grandmother's recipes for my family. Homemade caramels, cookies, and cracker toffee. I hope it will help me connect and feel closer. I need that right now. I will share my recipes as I begin making them in a couple of weeks. Please share your traditions and recipes too!

Sharing Traditions... Happy 4th of July!

The Kik's Village House

If only I could be home in Richland, Michigan right now sitting on the porch with my family and friends. I am there with my spirit and my heart. I have started some small contractions and yet, they are the false kind. Still, traveling this past week was out of the question when you're 9 months pregnant. Sigh... I just miss EVERYONE!!

I love the 4th of July. I mean I LOVE the 4th of July. Sure, I'm as patriotic as they come and love that we fought for our freedoms and independence. The holiday resonates well with an independent spirit! But most of all I love the memories that I've had since I was really little! And there have only been a few 4th's that I've missed on that porch. One in 2001, I was in Vienna, Austria. And in 2007 I was living in Winchester, England doing a summer internship. In 2008, I had just moved to Denver and had spent my vacation time back home at the end of June to see my nephew Nolan born. In 2011, John and I had just moved to Las Animas. My friend Karen was married on the 17th of July also in 2011, so we came late in the month to be with her and DJ. And now 2012... oh the sadness of two years in a row!! But so much happiness too... with our son on the way. Hmmm... I keep hoping it would be today... but alas... nothing yet.

The Budget Marathon

I’ve called this a marathon because I know it takes training to run one. You can’t just jump in the crowd and run a marathon. Not without serious injury anyway. And I have never successfully followed a budget. Not without serious injury anyway. I usually end up overspending because I feel denied or restricted. Just like a dieter may feel if denied sweets too long and then go binging like crazy on ice cream. So, John and I are in training right now. While I still have paychecks coming in from teaching school last year, we are pretending that money doesn’t exist. We are doing this because, John and I have decided that I will stay home with Xan after he is born for at least one year (longer if I can). This means living on a salary of less than $28,000 for the three of us.

A Series of Beginnings and Endings

When least expected, the unexpected happens. Yes, I know, duh. And yet such an exciting part of life. That is, when the change that has occurred happens to be one you've hoped for, prayed for, longed for. When I met John I had no idea that within in the span of four weeks we would be married. It was a whirlwind romance found in books long, long ago. Our life began with what truly amounted to a three month honeymoon while I worked from home and he started school again. We loved spending time together at the zoo, walking around our Capitol Hill neighborhood and just enjoying the feeling of finding your true love. Yes, birds and hearts would actually circle our heads. They still do.

In four months we would move from Denver to Las Animas, Colorado; a very small rural town in the southeast prairie. It would take us 208 miles from our friends, neighborhood and life as I’d known it. I would transform myself from an architect to become a school teacher to 7th graders. In another three months we would leave our beloved first home behind and move temporarily to our second house in Las Animas. John would graduate from the police academy and secure a job in another town up the road. Because of the new job we would have to move in three months to said town up the road and find another house.

We would also find out that we were pregnant.

We celebrated our first wedding anniversary April 23, 2012 in our new home in La Junta. I was 6 months pregnant. John had been at his job for four months. He absolutely loves it. I’ve never seen anyone happier to go to work every day when the alarm goes off. I on the other hand was having a very hard time adjusting to being a teacher. I know now that I resented it. I wanted the life of an architect that I had known for twelve years. I hated that kids didn’t want to learn. But I kept at it and by the second semester I was doing a lot better. I’d crafted lessons that were about life and leadership. I found a little ground to stand on to get me through the year.

School is out now and I’m “inbetween” jobs. I’m waiting for my new lifelong career as a mother to begin. We’re due on July 20, 2012. So I don’t have too far to go. In the meantime I seem to be drifting. I’m honestly a bit lost. There are no possible job prospects here that can apply my education and experience. That makes me sad... frustrated... sometimes I cry about it. I loved my work. But my husband has for the first time the only job he has ever loved. And it makes me smile and truly does make me happy to see him go to work everyday and come home with a sense of pride.

I’ve reimagined this blog because I know that I can work things out when I talk about them. Only thing is... I don’t have any friends here I can talk to. I spend my days alone. We have a dog. Her name is Irma. She doesn’t mind me ranting at her sometimes. But at the end of the day, I don’t know what to do next. I’ve been working on my domestic goddess status. It is a bit frayed. While I love cooking, sewing, crafting and solving organizational problems around the home, we are a one income family. My ideas are lofty. I’m working on half a shoestring most of the time.

So here is my new blog about life on the prairie with my forever valentine John. My new baby boy is on the way. I’m sure things are going to change a lot. I’m so glad for that. Like I said in the beginning of this post: When least expected, the unexpected happens. And yet such an exciting part of life. That is when the change that has occurred is one that you had hoped for, prayed for, longed for.

Oh, Valentine's Day... is it that time already?

Okay. I realize I always start a sentence with okay when I really need to get something out. And I say - So - when I need to take a breath. Bear with my grammatical idiosyncrasies. It is that time of year for me. Forgiven?

So, it hasn't been a whole year since my last post. But close enough. Valentine's Day is around the corner and that pairs with the fun that I'm going to be another year older. I got a little sentimental for the old blog and thought you'd enjoy a walk down 2010 lane with me. There have also been a very few guys in and... out of my life in the past year. One of them moved away... so he took the drama with him. It was also a bleak summer since I was home in Michigan. And the fall flew by as I suffered though my job. Cupid applied for the unemployment extension. Thank you Obama... (if you haven't heard, the 5 o'clock shadow isn't helping the job search) So, after an extremely brief and unexpected layover in relationship station around Halloween... the year of 2010 ended in a very interesting way. Needless to say, I was happy. It wasn't what I could ever had predicted and that is always really nice. Of course then I was laid off on January 3rd. Oh reality you bite hard.

I'm fine. Things are looking up job wise. But to recap from March to January, the usual hodge-podge of labeled guys have stayed in the past. I learned A LOT. Having my Dad go through the cancer run definitely gives you a good slap too. Also, Cupid and I got some game plans and we know some signs. We've got some real deal breakers... know when to walk and we know when to run like hell. We've even worked our way up to friendships with a couple of our post blog dates. We've also ended some friendships with others.

So I will share a story that was a sort of sad break-up. This isn't new news but within a few months anyway. I had decided after our last date I was going to stop seeing him. We actually went on about 3 or 4 dates. I tried I really did! In the end I would be told... I never tried. Really?? How do you know?? To get into the story, he wanted me to meet his sisters and brother... after the second date! But I wasn't ready. I told him I wasn't ready. I wasn't even kissing him! We weren't connecting after several dates. You just can't force these things... and he had asked me to dinner again. I knew that this dinner was going to be the "define the relationship" dinner. He really liked me. I knew that. I didn't want to lead him on. I am the kind of girl that does this in person. It's hard, but respectful.

I had not responded to his text that morning. I had made plans to have brunch with one of my guy friends. So before I called him to sit down and talk I figured I would meet with my friend and decide when to plan for the dinner later. Even get a little guy perspective. And would you know it, the guy I was going to break the news to... shows up to the same brunch spot. Yup. Walked in right behind me. I asked if he was meeting someone. He said no. I told him I was meeting someone. He said he wanted to talk about my "distance". And started into all that he wanted to say. I said it wasn't the time... we could get together later... This is all pre-friend arrival. I had already had a couple of conversations with him about not being seriously involved and that I didn't want to get serious. No, I never even let him get past a kiss. None of that matters. Because he went over the fence as soon as he saw my friend walk in. He jumped right on the conclusion board said, "I get it". And left in a huff. Even my friend looked at me like, So... Rebekah, you want to talk about that? Thing is... he didn't get it. And... I didn't call him.

I didn't cheat on him. I didn't take advantage of him. I told him I didn't want a boyfriend. I told him I didn't want to meet his family. He still had the whole thing played out that I was the one. Just like the guy from Halloween. They both had all the expectations that I was this girlfriend of theirs. No matter what my actions were or what my words were.

If you've seen the movie 500 Days of Summer there is this part where they split the screen one side labeled "expectation" the other "reality". I gave them both all the information they needed to be sane. Yet (by the way) neither of them chose not to be sane when it came down to it. No. I am not being holy or anything. I know I've been there done that. But I've perked up and listened for those words, AND picked up on those actions. :) <----- That is me being proud of ME. Because I am aware of my own. I was honest and could walk away knowing I had done and said the right things for me. This also allows a look at the guy across from me and know when to walk away too. Even if he isn't as honest with me as I might be. I'm looking for the little things. It's not scientific. But it allows me a little dignity. Without getting too disappointed. If a guy wants to be with you - he will be with you. More lessons from He's Just Not That Into You... laugh and smile. It's tough sometimes.

Cupid is still perched on my shoulder. He's still a friend, albeit one who needs me more than I need him.
I just haven't been lucky enough to have that person sitting across from me look at me the way I look at them yet. I'm just looking for a little perspective. You do a million random things in each day and meeting that person could be one of them. Or not. What are ya gonna do? Just be yourself right? And that means I put myself out there. And that's just me.

So, in 11 days, I'm still going to be me. And two days later... still the same girl. Probably with a bigger *sigh* and with 38 Valentine's Days behind her.

Where the Wild Things Are

Cupid was on a rampage for St. Patrick’s Day. I don’t know if it’s jealousy or just plain competitive spirit for the holiday season… but he was bad. And I of course got into a little trouble. 24 hours of not so good decision making. Fun? YES. Feeling a tad humiliated… and may even come out of it with a couple of scars. Eh. I am talking the actual physical kind not the emotional type. Let me introduce you to Mr. WildLife.

Enter ‘The Boy’. Waaaay too cute for me and out of my league (just my small opinion) later this will change. I get introduced by a friend. He says we were supposed to meet a few other times. But I stood him up and didn’t show. He actually names two places I did bail on. Huh. (big smile from me) Oh so flirty. It provokes him to say things like – ‘I’ve been waiting for you, I’m so glad you decided to show up’. Yeah, I can’t make that up. And because both Cupid and I are one glass of champagne and two Guiness in… We give each other the nod thinking – WOW… St. Patrick’s day is AWESOME!!

I won’t speak for Mr. WildLife (yet). But I was having a GREAT time. We danced, drank and snogged the night away. Inseparable for 24 whole hours. (ear to ear grin here) He held my hand and kissed my forehead every time he looked at me. (sound familiar?- see Mr. Perfect) He smiled and laughed and dragged me across Denver. I found him infinitely interesting. I don’t think I’ve ever been so interested in listening to someone before. I let him talk about himself all night. And I did mention how adorable he was right? And that he was talking to me. (Sorry, I know you all have your opinions but I am humble about my appearance. And after all the crazies and being dumped about 20 times in the last year. Well, again… humbled. I’m still catching up with hearing that I’m ‘hot’. Especially at my age. And even more so because no one sticks around.) Did I mention he told me I was hot like three times? (stick a fork in me, I’m done like dinner.)

So, let’s just skip to the end. The scars. We kissed so much that his 5 o’clock shadow has left my chin a little raw… I giggle. But now that he’s bailed it just hurts and I’m not amused at my behavior… and I have to model on Thursday!! Damn it Cupid. And we made out everywhere. Even like in high school, when chairs just got too predictable. So there were… on the floor for a bit… so yeah, I’ve got one of those little rug burn spots that you get when you’re 16 on my back. DAMN it Cupid. Again… modeling on Thursday… open back dress. Uh… going to have to do some serious make-up work and a lot of lies to make up about the gym… What was it I used to say to my ballet teacher?

Mr. WildLife made me act like a teenager. It was so much fun!! I honestly thought oh my god this guy has got to be into me!! Sure. What kind of animal am I? The foolish kind. I’m thinking who kisses someone this much if you aren’t into them!!?? Oh, right. If you’ve had a lot of Guiness you’ll kiss someone that much. And if you’re Mr. WildLife. Or if you just feel like snogging every St. Patrick’s day with a random girl. Or maybe if you’re the Wildman you might do this every weekend.

Whatever it is I’m trying not to take the fact that he didn’t want my phone number or to see me again personally. Maybe it’s a St. Patrick’s tradition of his? So the next time you’re checking out animal habitat. In Denver the wild things come out on drinking holidays and prey on girls like me. They live in various parts of the City and dress like hipsters in their vintage green things. They make you feel irresistible until of course they are sober enough to not say anything really except that they need to do their laundry. Wild.

At least these guys stay more or less interesting. Obviously it will depend on your point of view. Since you all read my blog because you’re my friends I hope you can hang with me for a while and ultimately take my point of view which is that this guy is lame 364 days out of the year. Actually NOT out of my league. In fact, in my harsh light of day not worth another 24 hours. (insert smiley face here)

Getting Used To My Box

It’s been a couple of years now that I’ve been checking the box 35-44. And I am getting settled in here. It’s not as bad as it could be… or that I thought it might be. Especially as I creep oh so much closer to the middle range of that box. A little hesitation… no dread. I still love the ‘you’re kidding…’ after I tell people my age. I will always love that… ummmm as long as it keeps happening.

It is on this day, my birthday, that I can’t help to examine the timeline of successes and failures. What should have I accomplished? What do I want to accomplish? You know you beat yourself up a little that your how old?? And what are all your friends doing that are younger and prettier than you doing?? Having babies and married with happiness glowing from every pore. Maybe even launching careers that actually don’t get laid off in 8 to 10 yr. cycles. Ugh. Do I want babies yet? Do I want still want this career? Am I burning out? I’ve felt exhausted sometimes wondering what I could have done. So, I’ve decided not to waste any more time on it. Ever. Why you ask?

Two significant events happened in my life over the past 8 months that are responsible for this non-self loathing. One during June of 2009. And the other just as the year was ending. Both of those events turned what I thought was okay in the world inside out. Then they proceeded to smack me hard taking my breath away so that I would stop right in my tracks. I know it all sounds so dramatic. But it is my nature to assess, solve and move on. (Oh and be somewhat emotional about it, but you all know that.) These events were meant to change me in a big way.

In June of 2009, my Uncle took his own life. The gut retching reality to this fact is that nothing you say is comforting, nothing you do feels like it is enough and no questions can be answered. The tragic and simple acceptance of what has occurred is only that you must not be angry. You must love and understand more deeply than you’ve ever thought possible. My Aunt, then tried to take her life several times in her own grief. I was on the phone for weeks, days then by the hour even up to a few weeks ago while she was in intensive care after over-dosing. I just kept grasping for the words. I never found them. I only found myself sitting in silence on my sofa every night wondering what could possibly happen next.

You should never wonder what could happen next. No good can come of it. While I was trying to keep a cool calm demeanor at work and with friends the next layer was to present itself in a cruel way. In December of 2009, someone I trusted and admired took the all to cliché opportunity to make the move to hit on me during and after our company holiday party. Blaming it all on beer of course. Becoming the worse nightmare I had ever imagined as my personal and now career life both crumble together.

I’m not able to think of myself as well… attractive enough to warrant such advances. Well, it did happen and it made me sick, seriously. That night I actually threw up while retelling the story. I was angry. I was to give up what little I had?? walk out the door and not look back??

Oh hell no. I took the power back. I filed a formal complaint. I left the group he leads and I have my dignity and self intact. I made a clear statement that I do not and will not put up with toxic bullshit. It took me a week to build the courage. It’s taken me two months to feel like I did the right thing. I am the woman who looks him in the eye from time to time to let him know… not me, not ever you disgusting loathsome pig.

I am finally okay to acknowledge that some things are lost. Really lost. You get these huge EXIT signs from the universe and I have in the past ignored them and fought so hard to stay. Eventually I just got kicked out and it hurt so much. But this time… I SEE the exit sign, find the RIGHT way to exit and then proceed to my new destination with self intact. So…I’ve decided no more this is next… but just asking ‘what’s next?. Feeling the freedom to see what comes along. What makes me happy? And then going toward that happiness.

So guess what I figured out?? I am proud to be ME for the first time in my life. I mean REALLY happy for myself! I’ve realized I have dealt with some shit. And I actually sort of well came out… successful. Damn if that mid-west guilt won’t let me be happy for myself sometimes. But I am dusting myself off for the last time and saying it loudly. I DID THIS. I worked hard. I got to this place. And I got knocked down a lot. I got pushed around. I even got canned a couple of times. But I am still here doing what I wanted and hoping still to make a difference and going forward. I even helped on some significant stuff along the way. I am even ready to take credit for some of it! I’ve got some good attributes. I follow through. I’m kind to people. I also smile a lot and give hugs. I say I love you. I return as many calls as I can. I think of everyone often and I miss my friends more than they’ll know. I have a pile of Christmas cards that you’re all still getting when I buy some stamps. Because I mean it. I’m sincere. And I don’t give up easily. (smile)

Oh… and an update.

So my expectations for a Valentine didn’t pan out. Who cares right? Because most importantly my birthday has been awesome! I had an early birthday dinner date that was fun and even got along with all my friends. And today he’s been charming and wonderful and did I tell you he helped me get a Wii for my birthday?? YIPPEE!! He’s even making me dinner tonight. I guess that makes up for the amazing mussels I made him. We make food for each other all the time and I just got pissy because it was Valentine’s Day. Damn I need to get back into some perspective. Things are WAY better than they have been. Why did I pressure that damn day?? Stupid estrogen. Thanks Cupid you’re not so bad after all. (That is when you haven’t been drinking the hard alcohol.)

That V-Day or most appropriately called "Vampire Day"

So since it was Valentine’s Day I thought I should write something up. After all if you’re going to title a blog after such a hideous holiday I suppose one should say something.


Updates

Cupid is still crashing at my place. Eating my food and drinking my wine. He’s gotten really apathetic about finding a job. I left him on the sofa when I went up to Winter Park snowboarding for the weekend. I would have brought him, because he did deserve a little fun during his time off… but I figured he would just get me into trouble. Cupid tends to get overexcited when there is a lot of action going on, especially with all the uber cute snowboarders on the hill for the weekend. Actually, I think I should have brought him.

A few days before I left for the mountains I had a couple emails from the pit of of the eX-files. It wasn’t horrible. Nice notes from the depths of their bleeding hearts wondering why the hell they ever messed up and left such an amazing woman as myself. HA I jest… and cry a little.

No, the eX-file emails were actually more like, Email One from Puppy Love: “Hey, I saw on Linked In that your company got bought… Congratulations, how’s that going for you?” This was obviously a ploy to get in touch AGAIN like he seems to every three to four months. Then apologize for ‘losing touch’ every three to four months. Yes, I responded… eh. Cupid made me. Okay, I just responded because I honestly have nothing better to do. I told The Pup that I was good and that working with 44,000 people has its perks. He wanted to catch up but I told him that I was on my way up the mountain for a few days. He suggested we get together when I got back.

This guy I should actually name Confounded. Mostly because he doesn’t know what he wants. Hmmm. A pattern! UDA may have the market on architectural pattern books. Maybe I have a niche in behavioral patterns of dating men in their thirties?? No. Seriously, I realize that would be a book of mythology and conjecture paramount to the writings of brilliant Greek philosophers. Eh…

Email Two from My Lost Love: “I’m listening to Tangled Up in Blue”. Yes, the song has significant meaning between myself and that guy who brought down the house in the blog titled – Larger than Lifesize. *sigh*. I wish I could stop missing him.

So my weekend was okay. I wasn't expecting miracles. But then again... I was. I didn’t have a Valentine as the one I had hoped might be in a generous mood. Alas, he was not. And made it an extreme point to drill it into me that he had promised a friend who was sad about not having a Valentine that he would be hers for the day and that I should get over it immediately. So that’s that… I'll let you know when I get over it.

Yes, I love punishment so I made him dinner anyway (my delicious mussels... lucky jerk) and then I went home without so much as ‘thanks’. I watched 4 episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer picturing his face on every kill (cause that’s what made me feel better).

Last year, my friend Kelli and I saw Twilight so I think this is a good pattern too. Blood, heartache and soulless creatures. I can handle that so much easier than getting blown off.


Cupid held my hand cause he just knew better.

New Year's Eve - Going It Alone

Happy New Year!

I've been busy huh? Yeah. It's been a shite start to the year. Or is the best start? Predictable anyway. Remember that I had two awesome concert tickets. Well, I thought they were awesome anyway. I couldn't find anyone to go with me. So I went by myself. It was a fun show! I drank a manhattan at midnight... champagne is getting cliche. HA! Even Cupid stayed home. I think he partied too much the night before. Typical.

Any resolutions? No. I wouldn't know what to say. I guess my resolutions are mostly to stay strong. Not let people walk all over me. And stand up for myself more. I'm in the middle of a really difficult situation at work. It isn't going to get any easier so I guess those are the best resolutions I can make right now.

I also have been seeing a lot more of my neighbor. Remember him from post number one? We dated briefly and have remained 'friends'. Yes. those little 'quotes' mean exactly what you think they mean. Cupid likes my neighbor a lot. He thinks there is more potential there than there actually is. But I can't get him to stop shooting him with little darts which keep him attracted to me. Just enough however to keep him from wanting to actually be with me. Which we have discussed ad nauseum. But, while I am not finding a connection with anyone else... it's nice to have someone to watch tv with and make dinner for.

Don't get me wrong... I enjoy him so much. He is a good guy that is no nonsense. However, I think he is still in love with his ex from high school. Because of that, no one has a chance with him. They see each other a lot and are total BFFs. I am an interesting distraction. But that is about it. We talk about three or four times a day... have breakfast, lunch and dinner with one another all weekend long. Go see movies, watch tv and last night even ran into each other at the bar. It was really crazy because my friend was trying to get me out and meet new people. WTF!? right?? I finally go out to meet someone... and he shows up. (See Cupid)

So, Cupid thinks he's important. I don't know what to think. It's 2010. It's got to be a new start that stops my insanity cycle. Cupid... could you be on myside this time? I'll make you dinner tonight?

Nutcracker... Not So 'Sweet'

I agree that the ballet isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. I get it. It’s not the most masculine event that one could attend. However, if you purchase the tickets to make your date happy then well… you should at least try?

I took my husband to the opera once. I took him to see Madam Butterfly. It is one of the most beautiful operas I think you can see for the first time. And I loved it. So I thought maybe?? He appreciates all kinds of music. Eh? The show was in Kalamazoo and I paid top dollar for center first balcony seats. I wanted him to see it from the best seats hoping that he would enjoy it.

As you can guess he was miserable. He was also miserable at movies. Concerts were okay though. We went to quite a few and had a lot fun. I will never forget getting tickets to see one of his favourite bands, Weezer. Jack Black opened and it was hilarious! We also saw Radiohead at a great venue in Wisconsin and stayed all week at the resort. And of course if you haven’t heard the story yet… Thom Yorke was in the pool. We were wading and my friend Becky and I were giddy as school girls.

Anyway… the ballet. So I went with the Costanza. The guy that I was so excited to start dating just a blog ago. He came over, I made him dinner… the horrendous kissing. But I thought maybe he was just nervous. Yikes. Cupid is riding in the back of the truck tonight. I told him to be on his best behavior and NO false moves.

So it begins. He picked me up at my place. We were going to have dinner first. Wonder what he will complain about or point out to me tonight. He didn’t like his jacket and he was cold. He also hates that the parking structures in Denver look like buildings and he can’t figure out where to park. Hmm… bite your tongue Rebekah… Okay, you know I didn't. I polietly mention that it makes the city really nice and that there are clearly marked parking garages everywhere. Like this one... marked PARKING HERE.

We get to the restaurant. He didn’t like the first table – we moved to another. He didn’t eat the appetizer and sent it back. Oh geeze. This guy is setting a precedent I don’t like. He doesn’t seem to find anything he likes. And he can find something wrong with everything. He hated the movie Inglorious Bastards because Brad Pitt was in it. Um... and your shocked at his appearance in this film I ask? Yeah. I am a jerk. He said he hates BP and turned off the movie immediately. And that the writing was bad... and that the story seemed contrived. Wow. fiction is funny like that I say. It's up to you to suspend belief or not... right?? I then launch into a diatribe about the West Wing and the Sopranos. An article that I read in the New Yorker or some magazine that described the writing styles of each show. Yeah. No points for Rebekah. I am a moron.

We were at a restaurant that I had seen the greatest band so I turned the conversation to music and books. He worships Hunter S. Thompson. That is pretty cool. I know of him… get the idea of his favor with writers and journalists. He’s really raw and I haven’t read anything of his all the way through. I would like to, just haven’t yet. So I guess my date thinks I’m really a moron now that I don't hero worship his fav writer. Whatever. I bet he’s never read Kunstler or Krier. Who’s the moron now?? Humph.

Going to the theatre, he didn’t know what theatre we were going to. He also didn’t know where it was, exactly what time the show started or where he should park. Okay. Cupid... stop shrugging your shoulders. You are SO fired. Thank you Blackberry. I had looked up going to the ballet a few weeks earlier when I saw how much the ticket was and decided I couldn’t afford the extravagance on my own. So I knew the theatre and where to park. He’s good at complaining like a little B...oy, but not so good at solving things. I can’t believe how unprepared he is. Isn’t this a date?? Cupid, stay in the car.

We get inside, get the tickets after wandering around for the Will Call… and get a drink. We have an hour before the show starts. Yeah. So we get upstairs to the balcony and chat for a while about ballet, anorexia and his nutritional diet schedule. And why it is, in his mind, silly to be vegetarian. For someone who thinks he knows everything – he is clueless. I switch subjects to traveling. He hasn’t been anywhere and I think the Notre Dame school experience is freaking him out. Jeeze… I didn’t go to school to piss you off dude. WTH?? My story started with the traveling I did at Andrews University and I told him that I was married… and divorced 4 years ago. I asked him if he’d ever been married or in a relationship that he thought he might get engaged. He said there was one girl. His last girlfriend of 6 years. He described her as a psychotic alcoholic. You all know how I feel about the bashing. I simply replied,”hmmm”.

“And she was a blonde.” He said to conclude.

“What does that mean?” I replied.

“You know. She was a blonde and therefore all stereotypes apply.” He said.

“I’m a blonde.” I said looking at him with a look of F-you on my face. “I’m 50% Swedish.”

“Oh.” he replied. A bit of shock in his voice as if hair color weren’t invented in his world.

“Artificial intelligence?” I prodded. Now I am just being a bit of a bitch. But I don't like where his bull is leading. What a jerk. I'm over it. I'm at the ballet and I'm going to enjoy my time here.

Subject terminated, so I thought. He then began to explain that he stayed with her because of a series of erotic dreams that he had about her. He got a bit graphic and I got a bit sick. Who knew there would be so much word vomit at the ballet! He just puked up their whole ridiculous relationship onto the table and I just stood there staring at him like SHUT UP!! Am I still at the ballet?? OMG. I had better see some sugarplum faries soon or I am going to run out of here and walk home.

Are all these guys just F-ing clueless?? This is never going to make up for being a rotten kisser or a rotten individual. Yuck. Ick. Gross. I’m going to barf.

We watched the ballet. He was miserable. I was as happy as ever as I was transported away from all of the disgusting conversation into the world of Clara. Oh well, I got to go to the ballet. Company aside, I had a nice time by myself and watching some beautiful dancers. Thank goodness he never even tried to hold my hand, put his arm around me or kiss me again. He dropped me off at home and mentioned he would call me to go see Avatar. Cupid and I walked inside. I sent him to bed with a cup of warm milk and told him we would try again later. He obviously needed his rest.

No, he never called. WHEW...

Episode Two: How Are My Tonsils?

I got home from Michigan and immediately made plans to see George again. I was going to make him dinner. My first date dinner is this amazingly simple Roman dish from gorgeous Giadia. I serve it over polenta… yum! He is bringing the movie Brain Candy. It was a Kids in the Hall movie from the 90s which he was quoting a few times during our last date.

He came over around 7 and I had dinner finished. We popped in the movie and ate at the sofa. He brought wine and a chocolate bar too. Nice!

Dinner was great and he really liked it. He was pretty impressed… which is why I love this recipe! It is so NOT complicated and yet has great flavors. I will post it at the bottom of this date blog so that you can also woo a potential love through gastronomy.

I cleaned up the dishes and he put his arm around me while we finished watching the movie. He also kissed me on the forehead at least 15 times! He was holding my hand too! Wow. I think he likes me. The movie ends I am going to get a kiss. I am really looking forward to this!

WHAAAT WAS THAT!?!?!?

Did he just lick my chin?? Gross! Are we making a porno??... is that your whole tongue?? I can’t make this up!! That was the WORSE kiss I’ve had since high school!! Gross!! I quickly back off and start a conversation about the horrid movie we just watched. OMG. I don't want to kiss him again. OMG he is leaning in. OMG that was TERRIBLE!!Buzz kill. And now my face just got a disgusting kiss from a Labrador. UGH!! GET OUT. And Cupid... you can get the hell out too.

Maybe he’s nervous? Maybe he’s just excited? Maybe he just sucks at kissing?!? Kissing is my favourite thing to do! Why Lord why??

He says he wants to take me to the ballet really badly. I said okay. I am NOT giving up. I like him. I think I like him? I think I want to give it another shot. Damn you Cupid... I don’t have a lot of prospects but I am not about to deal with a bad kisser. That is a deal breaker. Cupid get your shite together!!

Giadia’s Roman Chicken Recipe - You can make this is a big skillet, be sure you have a cover for it.

2 Chicken Breasts + 2 Chicken Thighs, 1 can of diced tomatoes, 4oz. of Prosciutto, 2 cloves of diced garlic, ½ red bell pepper, ½ yellow bell pepper, ½ cup of white wine, ½ cup of chicken broth.

Brown the chicken in a bit of olive oil then set aside. Add a touch more oil to the pan add garlic, peppers and prosciutto. Sauté the peppers and prosciutto until just a little brown. Add tomatoes, wine and broth. Bring to a slight boil and add the chicken. Cover and cook until chicken is done. About 30 min. I serve it over polenta. You could serve it with pasta too. It’s delicious. Maybe you should find out if they can kiss first!!