My Theme for 2013

I recently read a little post on LinkedIn, another social network I belong to, that reminded me of something I do each year - unknowingly? I mean I know what I do... However, until this morning I had been making these little "resolutions" without much thought. I always make what I thought were good resolutions or goals around this time of the year {nerd}. Well, I would make goals or resolutions that will hopefully inspire me or motivate me in a WHOLE way. I don't make resolutions that are projects {i.e. go or quit doing this or that} Let me try to explain.

The post I read made me realize that I have been consciously doing myself the favor of setting goals with a theme. That is the spark here!! I make goals that have a theme! Okay... why did I not realize this?? But now it is crystal clear?? Let me try to explain that aspect... I am a huge fan of Strengths Finder. If you haven't heard of it... check this out. http://www.strengthsfinder.com/home.aspx

Since I've taken the evaluation, I have kept coming back to them. I love knowing them and seeing them in action {like now!}. I bring these strengths papers with me to interviews because they help me talk about me in a way I have never been able to. Sure, I can talk about what projects I've done or some skill set I have. Stuff like that. But when you're asked to talk about yourself, your character, the way you work, what you NEED to succeed in a job, it can be difficult. Either you sound too passive or egotistical. Or you may not even be able to answer with clarity what your strengths or weaknesses are.

Anyhow, without going on and on about explaining too much. Maybe we can do that in another post! I LOVE that one of my strengths is connectedness. It always shows up and I know it is inherently one of my talents because I am truly a person of connectivity and context (another strength). Including the fact that I theme my goals. For me to achieve success, they must be connected in some way and within a context {what happened before}. Crazy huh?? Yeah, but for me this task I complete each year, done without provocation, is now revealed to me! I feel empowered by it like never before! Which makes the learner strength obvious! I love learning about everything... including myself.

So, this morning while preparing Xan's morning breakfast, I began to think about my past themes (ha... context at work already!). In 2008, survive comes to mind... All of my goals were about restructuring, moving forward, redefining my career as I moved to Denver. I missed my dream job... which was now just truly a dream in the dust. I had to let go of it. In 2009, define became the theme as I was no longer a victim of lay-offs but belonged to a company that I was having a very difficult time honing any skill in. I was so stretched. Stretched to every corner of my talents and beyond. I wasn't just doing the job of architect. I was an architect, landscape architect, transportation engineer, urban designer, illustrator, code writer, policy reviewer, writer, graphic designer, organizer, research assistant, travel planner, and so on... I was all of them. And I had to be all of them. Regrettably, simultaneously.

Because of my fragmentation and loss of self, I was in 2010 back to survive. Our company was sold off, I was sexually harassed by my boss, my personal life was a complete disaster and I was floating in purgatory again wondering how the hell I had gotten myself into this mess. What did I do to deserve this? As a survivalist, we think back on everything. Replaying every move on the chess board... What If?? What If?? But that doesn't do any good when the fit just was not there. I took the job hoping I could fit in. But I never did. Re-reading chapters only gives me the same information.

I can only say now... I shouldn't have taken the job. Because the first decision was wrong here, I guess there isn't any true moving forward. Not for me anyway. I wasn't going to solve the murder of my career this way. I could only breathe deeply and take the first step forward into this new territory that I had NO clue how to navigate. I threw on a life preserver and swam to many boats. None of them would truly take me on for long. Tossing me out as soon as anything got too tough for them. Everyone was in survivor mode. I was new and untested merchandise. Better to leave me behind and not know if I could have helped, than to make a decision that was uncertain. I was so sad for such a long time waiting for the inevitable cutting off of my head. 2010 dragged on and on...

In 2011, I was immediately laid off. January 3rd, my boss smugly remarked - "Happy Fricken New Year Rebekah, sign these termination papers. You're just not working out." Yes, it still burns in my ears. The way I was dismissed. The lies that were spouted. The feeling that I was abandoned by my former company to rot in the dungeon. Again, I replayed. I still occasionally replay, even though I know I'm in a better situation. But I know that it doesn't help. What I do know is that it wasn't meant to be. There wasn't anything I could do differently. I know that I did a great job. I know that the projects I worked on and the clients I worked with appreciated me. I know that I am proud of the work I did and I can lay my head on my pillow each night knowing that I did my part. I have my ethics. That's what does matter at the end of the day. My boss, and supervisors that let me go had no ethics.That is what replaying told me. My year of 2011 began with the theme of restoration. I restored my faith, passion, my love and desires for creativity. I also met the love of my life, I got married, I started my own firm and I stand on my own two feet with my soul intact. It was a good year.

2012 Began with the theme focus. I've remarked a few times in this blog throughout the year about that word. I am working with that word still. I think about my multi-tasking ways and I slow down. I have come to realize multi-tasking is great for some projects... not for all. Focus is necessary to complete tasks in the best way. Yeah, I am a perfectionist... BUT not in the way that doesn't allow me to color outside the lines or to be my clumsy self. When I am feeding Xan, it is NOT appropriate to check email, text or be distracted. He needs me and I need him. It is okay to do dishes, laundry and cook at the same time while texting, talking and picking up the house, cleaning and deciding what to focus on when all these things are completed.

Thinking of the past themes... happenings... and words in my life, has brought me to the now. Almost immediately the word 'wonder' came to my thoughts. That my life is wonderful. My blessings are wondrous. Xan has taught me the meaning of true wonder. John has brought me an understanding of love that makes me wonder why I had to wait so long for him. I never have to wonder what true love feels like. I have it. I wonder what will happen next. Everyday is a new adventure. I embrace them with all my attention and new found focus. Yesterday, we {Xan and I} watched James and the Giant Peach. In the film the man that grants James the wish and gives him the crocodile tongues says to him, "Wondrous things will happen." I looked it up to place in this post and saw that it said, "Marvelous things will happen." We certainly hear what we want sometimes! I wanted to hear that wondrous things will happen. And I believe they will. 

So, I rolled some words around my head. So many words like wonder. Words like believe and imagine are floating about the house constantly with Xan in our life. We talk all the time with sentences that start with, "It is hard to imagine {believe}...", "Wonder {imagine} what he is thinking?", "Can you believe {imagine}...", "I wonder {imagine} what...", "I can't stop wondering...". And on and on... It is a wonder to behold!

You watch your baby discovering things and you wonder if you did this or that the same way. You imagine that he will look like his daddy. You imagine what his life will be like, what you will teach him, what he will teach you. You wonder how your own life will continue to evolve and become more than you ever imagined for yourself. This imagry for the future is making me kind of giggle.
Not in a bad way, It's just that when I practice yoga it is supposed to ground you in the present. Your body now. Your mind now. And thinking about it, Xan certainly lives in the present. He knows only what is going on now and the few things he has learned in the 5 months he has been in this world, but they probably aren't making greater connections yet as a true past.

Okay, so if you've read all of this once through, you might see a bit of a pattern. Maybe if you read it twice you can see my propensity for connections, patterns, and organization. {no wonder I became an urban designer} How everything flows and gets organized in my little world. Or maybe it's just me and I see the NEED for trying to explain something in way that feels like mapping. I use the past as a map. I use a map as an analogy because you can go in many directions and still reach your destination. It is not a straight line. You see territory you've already covered and you know the good as well as dangerous areas. Make sense??

So, try it out... see if there can be a theme to your 2013 rather than a resolution that can be broken easily. Try a theme that can be amended, molded, stretched and thought about in everything you do this year. For added fun, I've also got a little jar on my desk. It is pretty big. It has 2013 written on it. I saw this idea on Pinterest... but it was a good idea. I'm going to write down significant things that happen this year to all of us and read them next December. Maybe it will point me to my 2014 theme. Maybe it will become a really cool piece of collage artwork. Who knows! I know A LOT is going to happen this year. I'm excited to get started!

Happy New Year, Happy Winter Solstice and every other holiday you might celebrate. Smile more, grump less, and hold wonder in your heart. Try to always remember that people may not remember what you did for them, but they will always remember how you treated them. You don't know what another person is going through... breathe first, and try to think about what you can do to put more love into the world.