Star Date December Seven Two Thousand and Nine.
HA. Just kidding. But that would be funny if I dated a Star Trek nerd. I've already dated a Dungeons & Dragons dork. I'm sure that I am on track for one just around the corner. As long as he loves Battlestar Galatica... the original. And Buck Rodgers and V and Buffy and True Blood would also be acceptable. Harry Potter is mandatory. Okay... not mandatory but on the list?
So. I had a date on the 6th and then I went on vacation so I didn’t write. Sorry (with a Canadian accent) so it sounds like ‘sau-wrey’. Trust me you’d just think it’s adorable and forgive me immediately.
My date was with George Costanza (not in looks… just listen and I’ll tell ya in a minute). He introduced himself to me pretty much like this. “Hey Rebekah – Right? Uh. I am not usually this unkept, I just went to the gym, I’ve gained some weight, but I am working on that with nutrition and working out like crazy. When I take my hat off… you’re going to notice I’m losing a little hair too. Dang. I’m sorry, am I late too?”
I had some drinks with friends while I was at home and Mike reminded me of the episode of Seinfeld when George decided to do the opposite of everything he had ever thought was ‘right’. He introduced himself to a woman at the restaurant - "Hi, I'm George. I'm unemployed, balding and I live with my parents. Would you like to go out with me?" I think that was my date’s approach. He just laid it all out on the table and there it was. I just stared sort of blankly. Nothing is shocking anymore. Pity huh?
So we ordered a coffee and a banana crème crepe. Yum. The conversation got much better. And I forgot to tell you… he is kinda cute. Not in the conventional way. Yeah, he’s missing some hair, I don’t care about that. He’s also a little ‘soft’. I don’t care about that either. He has a nice smile. Pretty blue eyes. And he is talking to me about the autistic kids that he tutors for his job. He is really passionate about what he does. He spends a lot of extra time learning how to ‘solve’ each student. He works hard to not only teach them the basic reading, writing and maths… but he also chooses the individual student’s favourite subject or interests and then takes them to the museum, zoo, library or where ever it might be that engages that child. Wow.
This guy has something I haven’t seen in a long time. Yeah, I like to poke fun. But he really is interesting to me. I like him. We’re going out again when I get home. I guess he liked me too. (Smile)
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Breathing easier.... with a paper bag.
One one thousand, Two one thousand, Three one thousand... Breathe In... Breathe out. Slowly... Slowly...
Now that I have taken all the pressure off of myself to date 'someone special', I slept easier. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted. It felt good to be single ALL DAY. Now I can start focusing on the rest of my absolutely insane life. And focus on the breaths. Don't panic. Everything is actually going to be just fine. Cause I got a plan for whatever is gonna come my way.
Here is the thing. When work was going somewhat well, when we were busy and grabbing a few jobs here and there, I was ready to get that happy part of my dating life in order. I started this blog, I signed up on the sites. Happy Happy. The thing is, the work life has gone absolutely topsy-turvy. Yup. Our firm is in negotiations and will likely be 'assimilated' by one said mega-beasty-corporate-firm within a few weeks. I am mourning the loss of the boutique design firm that was once my career path. Deep Breath. Smile.
I have weighed all the good options too. We will have awesome resources and the chance to do work all over the country... perhaps world. That's nice. Only things aren't quite settled and a lot of my friends are thinking of what to do. So it is sad too. I am worried about my friends who are losing their jobs, getting moved to other firms and most importantly what happens to my mentors. The coolest part of my firm was my whole team, not just my colleagues in Denver. But at the other offices too. They are so talented and just inspire you to pull out all the stops.
Okay... I will stop waxing poetic about my work. But it affects things. When one part of your life is good, it is guaranteed that another part will upend itself. So maybe if work is crazy I will just meet someone out of the blue? Ha Ha... see kids... still the hopeful romantic! Besides I have a few good guy friends that are cool enough to hang out with and watch football games. They just need to pony up their cute single friends. Again... sense of humor still intact!
Oh anyway. I promise this blog will stay interesting. I actually have a phone number burning a hole through my purse right now. It scares me because it is a set up. I'm overwhelmed with the expectations of it. So I haven't called him yet. But I will. Tomorrow. Uh huh. That is what I said on Sunday. And Monday. And Tuesday I say... I will call him tomorrow. No worries... still breathing... with a paper bag.
Now that I have taken all the pressure off of myself to date 'someone special', I slept easier. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted. It felt good to be single ALL DAY. Now I can start focusing on the rest of my absolutely insane life. And focus on the breaths. Don't panic. Everything is actually going to be just fine. Cause I got a plan for whatever is gonna come my way.
Here is the thing. When work was going somewhat well, when we were busy and grabbing a few jobs here and there, I was ready to get that happy part of my dating life in order. I started this blog, I signed up on the sites. Happy Happy. The thing is, the work life has gone absolutely topsy-turvy. Yup. Our firm is in negotiations and will likely be 'assimilated' by one said mega-beasty-corporate-firm within a few weeks. I am mourning the loss of the boutique design firm that was once my career path. Deep Breath. Smile.
I have weighed all the good options too. We will have awesome resources and the chance to do work all over the country... perhaps world. That's nice. Only things aren't quite settled and a lot of my friends are thinking of what to do. So it is sad too. I am worried about my friends who are losing their jobs, getting moved to other firms and most importantly what happens to my mentors. The coolest part of my firm was my whole team, not just my colleagues in Denver. But at the other offices too. They are so talented and just inspire you to pull out all the stops.
Okay... I will stop waxing poetic about my work. But it affects things. When one part of your life is good, it is guaranteed that another part will upend itself. So maybe if work is crazy I will just meet someone out of the blue? Ha Ha... see kids... still the hopeful romantic! Besides I have a few good guy friends that are cool enough to hang out with and watch football games. They just need to pony up their cute single friends. Again... sense of humor still intact!
Oh anyway. I promise this blog will stay interesting. I actually have a phone number burning a hole through my purse right now. It scares me because it is a set up. I'm overwhelmed with the expectations of it. So I haven't called him yet. But I will. Tomorrow. Uh huh. That is what I said on Sunday. And Monday. And Tuesday I say... I will call him tomorrow. No worries... still breathing... with a paper bag.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Sex and the Single Girl
My 80 something year old grandparents loved Sex in the City. Except you have to know my grandmother, she renames everything to fit into her own world. She called the show 'Sex and the Single Girl'. She and my grandfather would ask me if I had a bunch of girlfriends that talked about sex, ran around our big town of Kalamazoo and slept with random guys trying to find love. I told them if there were really sexy guys worthy of that here... we might consider it. But, since most of my friends are married and now on their second or third child. No chance. In fact I have just three single friends. And I don't live near any of them.
It feels cold and lonely in Denver without my girl pack near by to pick up my spirts now and then. Or to even go see chick-flicks with. I went and saw New Moon by myself yesterday. And the movie was exactly as promised... a tribute to the god-likeness of Robert Pattison (pitter patter). The worst part were the previews! Three of the sappiest, most horrible trailers that a single girl could see by herself. One called Letters to Juliet almost made me leave the theatre... in tears of course.
Is there anything out there in this world to make a single girl feel good about being single? Not that I can find. Even buying shoes doesn't seem to fix the problem. Mostly because I think that I will wear them for my boyfriend or to seduce some guy with sexy 6" heels. Nope. Not working right now. Because there is sure is a lot of shit that makes me feel like a complete failure that I can't wear these shoes for ME.
But that's all I've got. I've got ME. I can make myself feel good about being single. It's just going to take some time. It's just that it feels like this is a long climb up a long and winding hill to convince myself that I can hold out. That I can have high expectations and that I can just keep fucking smiling through it all too. All this dating has left me a bit harried and feeling empty. I needed to do it or else I wouldn't know how I would have reacted. At least I really know what I can handle. I am a one at a time gal. That I know.
I am off all the dating sites. I let my eharmony subscription expire. I have resolved that I really can't find a guy the same way I buy shoes... online. These guys just don't fit right and when you have to send them back the price is really high. You feel so rejected, even when you're the one saying no. It is much worse than if you just met the guy in a bar. If the conversation isn't nice, you just walk away and he turns to the next girl. In fact, at least when I meet a guy in a bar he is usually with his buddies, having a good time and happy to be out looking for someone. These guys I meet online are just cycling through to see if the shoe fits. Only most of them are even willing to put on the wrong size just to date someone.
I am not willing to date just anyone I guess. So I am out in the world just waiting to see if I will run into Mr. Special-for-me at the grocery or the dry cleaners... Maybe even a bar. I've got an amazing concert ticket to a show for New Year's Eve. I don't want to go alone. And like I said... all my single girlfriends aren't here to take my plus one offer. But hey... I'm seeing movies alone now. I guess a concert on NYE isn't so bad. Maybe there are single guys there too?
It feels cold and lonely in Denver without my girl pack near by to pick up my spirts now and then. Or to even go see chick-flicks with. I went and saw New Moon by myself yesterday. And the movie was exactly as promised... a tribute to the god-likeness of Robert Pattison (pitter patter). The worst part were the previews! Three of the sappiest, most horrible trailers that a single girl could see by herself. One called Letters to Juliet almost made me leave the theatre... in tears of course.
Is there anything out there in this world to make a single girl feel good about being single? Not that I can find. Even buying shoes doesn't seem to fix the problem. Mostly because I think that I will wear them for my boyfriend or to seduce some guy with sexy 6" heels. Nope. Not working right now. Because there is sure is a lot of shit that makes me feel like a complete failure that I can't wear these shoes for ME.
But that's all I've got. I've got ME. I can make myself feel good about being single. It's just going to take some time. It's just that it feels like this is a long climb up a long and winding hill to convince myself that I can hold out. That I can have high expectations and that I can just keep fucking smiling through it all too. All this dating has left me a bit harried and feeling empty. I needed to do it or else I wouldn't know how I would have reacted. At least I really know what I can handle. I am a one at a time gal. That I know.
I am off all the dating sites. I let my eharmony subscription expire. I have resolved that I really can't find a guy the same way I buy shoes... online. These guys just don't fit right and when you have to send them back the price is really high. You feel so rejected, even when you're the one saying no. It is much worse than if you just met the guy in a bar. If the conversation isn't nice, you just walk away and he turns to the next girl. In fact, at least when I meet a guy in a bar he is usually with his buddies, having a good time and happy to be out looking for someone. These guys I meet online are just cycling through to see if the shoe fits. Only most of them are even willing to put on the wrong size just to date someone.
I am not willing to date just anyone I guess. So I am out in the world just waiting to see if I will run into Mr. Special-for-me at the grocery or the dry cleaners... Maybe even a bar. I've got an amazing concert ticket to a show for New Year's Eve. I don't want to go alone. And like I said... all my single girlfriends aren't here to take my plus one offer. But hey... I'm seeing movies alone now. I guess a concert on NYE isn't so bad. Maybe there are single guys there too?
Monday, November 16, 2009
Larger than lifesize
A friend of mine was telling me about his little sister. She is 20 and has fallen head over heels in love. She definitely wants to marry her boyfriend. They've been dating for a year and she is sure he is the one. He of course said,"Can you believe it?, I mean she is so young?" I paused. Then said,"Oh, because at 36 we have it all figured out?"
What do I know. I know that my big brother was married at 21 and was married for 21 years until my sister-in-law passed away from cancer. I also know he is remarried and so incredibly happy he will never be divorced. My little brother was married at 20 and is going on his 15th wedding anniversary. My great-grandparents were married at 18 and were together over 60 years when my great-grandfather passed. My grandparents were married at 18 and made it to 60 years until my grandfather passed away. I even know that my parents were married at 18 and that marriage lasted through 4 kids and 17 years. My friend Andy married at 21 still going strong after 10 years. I know that I was married at 28 and it lasted 2 years. I know that my sister was married at 29 and that lasted one year. I know that two of the guys I have dated were married at 29 and 30. Their marriages each lasted about 2 years.
From my small bit of collected real Rebekah research and experience, obviously observed and scientific.Not the wisdom from "THEY" or what "THEY" say. Just a little huh... I wonder, tells me that the younger marriages seem to last longer. What is it? I have a couple ideas of course. One being that as we get older we don't figure out what we want, we just get pickier. Yeah. I said it. We are picky and set in our ways and aren't really comfortable letting anyone getting to know us. Not all of us anyway. We still share the music and movies. Cause that part is cool.
When I was 20 all I needed was a few tatoos, possibly a piercing and a black t-shirt to make me swoon. He had to know his music, movies and pop-culture. If he had read Kerouac I was in love. If his favourite movie was anything sci-fi I was in lust. If he painted or god forbid... a musician you need to give me oxygen I was going to hyperventillate from the lack of oxygen in my 7th heaven. Bring me flowers, a bottle of wine or make me dinner and I would have floated to the ceiling. Damn it was so easy for me to be happy and I look back on it now and it was so simple! A little attention went a long way. Now I am supposed to size everyone up by school, salary, car and genetics. Anything you can think of except a spontaneous night of watching traffic and then staying up until 4am making out to another movie on his sofa. Because you can't do that anymore. He leaves and has to be to work early to have an 8am meeting proposal due. AAAAAHHHHH!!!!
When I was 20 I was in love. He did everything he could to make happy he could make me. And I did the same. It was really great. Why didn't we get married? Why didn't we stay together? "THEY" told me that there are so many other things to do before you 'tie yourself down' 'lose it all' 'ruin your life' 'you have so much going for you why put roots down now?' 'There are so many fish in the sea' and my all time favourite,'you are just so young, how do you know you're in love?' You can't possibly know what love is.
Turns out, I'm 36. And I knew what love was when I was 20. Life is funny like that. I miss him so much.
We still think about each other. We still wonder what would have been. But now we are pushing 40 and have made decisions that we are supposed to make because they are now logical and won't upset anyone. I don't believe these decisions are anymore logical than when we were 20. What do we know now that we didn't know when we were 20? We know that we finished school, have successful careers and have experinces under our belts. We have all the travel, toys and houses that people our age accumulate when kids aren't involved. We also have 15 extra years of baggage to bring into a relationship. 15 years of living and dating several people and comparing them to the person that we fell in love with 15 years ago. The one we were too young to be with. The person we wished maybe would have been there through 15 years of growing up. Growing up together. Life is funny like that.
I know. I sound jaded. It's because I am. It hurts a lot. I'm trying to move on. I just want my life to be that movie with Nicholas Cage and Tea Leone... I can't think of the name. But he gets to see his if he would have married Tea and had kids. He sees at first glance that he wouldn't have made it to wall street. But he has this great family and house and life is good. Then he realizes it wasn't that wall street wasn't his whole dream. It was just part of it. Having kids and being with this girl were more important.
I'm on wall street and I don't have the luxury of going back. I realize I can only go forward in some other way and I'm greiving for that. I wanted to see my life with those kids and that big fluffy dog. I miss it and I didn't know how much I would. I knew exactly what I wanted when I was 20. Now... I have no F-ing clue.
What do I know. I know that my big brother was married at 21 and was married for 21 years until my sister-in-law passed away from cancer. I also know he is remarried and so incredibly happy he will never be divorced. My little brother was married at 20 and is going on his 15th wedding anniversary. My great-grandparents were married at 18 and were together over 60 years when my great-grandfather passed. My grandparents were married at 18 and made it to 60 years until my grandfather passed away. I even know that my parents were married at 18 and that marriage lasted through 4 kids and 17 years. My friend Andy married at 21 still going strong after 10 years. I know that I was married at 28 and it lasted 2 years. I know that my sister was married at 29 and that lasted one year. I know that two of the guys I have dated were married at 29 and 30. Their marriages each lasted about 2 years.
From my small bit of collected real Rebekah research and experience, obviously observed and scientific.Not the wisdom from "THEY" or what "THEY" say. Just a little huh... I wonder, tells me that the younger marriages seem to last longer. What is it? I have a couple ideas of course. One being that as we get older we don't figure out what we want, we just get pickier. Yeah. I said it. We are picky and set in our ways and aren't really comfortable letting anyone getting to know us. Not all of us anyway. We still share the music and movies. Cause that part is cool.
When I was 20 all I needed was a few tatoos, possibly a piercing and a black t-shirt to make me swoon. He had to know his music, movies and pop-culture. If he had read Kerouac I was in love. If his favourite movie was anything sci-fi I was in lust. If he painted or god forbid... a musician you need to give me oxygen I was going to hyperventillate from the lack of oxygen in my 7th heaven. Bring me flowers, a bottle of wine or make me dinner and I would have floated to the ceiling. Damn it was so easy for me to be happy and I look back on it now and it was so simple! A little attention went a long way. Now I am supposed to size everyone up by school, salary, car and genetics. Anything you can think of except a spontaneous night of watching traffic and then staying up until 4am making out to another movie on his sofa. Because you can't do that anymore. He leaves and has to be to work early to have an 8am meeting proposal due. AAAAAHHHHH!!!!
When I was 20 I was in love. He did everything he could to make happy he could make me. And I did the same. It was really great. Why didn't we get married? Why didn't we stay together? "THEY" told me that there are so many other things to do before you 'tie yourself down' 'lose it all' 'ruin your life' 'you have so much going for you why put roots down now?' 'There are so many fish in the sea' and my all time favourite,'you are just so young, how do you know you're in love?' You can't possibly know what love is.
Turns out, I'm 36. And I knew what love was when I was 20. Life is funny like that. I miss him so much.
We still think about each other. We still wonder what would have been. But now we are pushing 40 and have made decisions that we are supposed to make because they are now logical and won't upset anyone. I don't believe these decisions are anymore logical than when we were 20. What do we know now that we didn't know when we were 20? We know that we finished school, have successful careers and have experinces under our belts. We have all the travel, toys and houses that people our age accumulate when kids aren't involved. We also have 15 extra years of baggage to bring into a relationship. 15 years of living and dating several people and comparing them to the person that we fell in love with 15 years ago. The one we were too young to be with. The person we wished maybe would have been there through 15 years of growing up. Growing up together. Life is funny like that.
I know. I sound jaded. It's because I am. It hurts a lot. I'm trying to move on. I just want my life to be that movie with Nicholas Cage and Tea Leone... I can't think of the name. But he gets to see his if he would have married Tea and had kids. He sees at first glance that he wouldn't have made it to wall street. But he has this great family and house and life is good. Then he realizes it wasn't that wall street wasn't his whole dream. It was just part of it. Having kids and being with this girl were more important.
I'm on wall street and I don't have the luxury of going back. I realize I can only go forward in some other way and I'm greiving for that. I wanted to see my life with those kids and that big fluffy dog. I miss it and I didn't know how much I would. I knew exactly what I wanted when I was 20. Now... I have no F-ing clue.
(A Fine Frenzy - Lifesize)All for love we become
Larger than lifesize, wondersome
Great in the eyes of someone
Larger than lifesize we become
Great in the eyes of someone
Sunday, November 15, 2009
What does it take?
I had a date yesterday with a new guy. His name is Normal. He is a nice normal guy! I can tell you that I might have said this at one time or another about each guy that I have encountered thus far. But since I have written in the past tense I have been able to give them a nice look over under the bright lights and dissect their behavior and give them funny clever names. It's exhausting.
We met for lunch on Saturday and I had to blab and blab to get him to talk about himself. That was okay. I am sort of good at making people feel comfortable. We talked about all kinds of music, movies and even the ex's. His ex lives in the state of Colorado and has custody of their eleven yr old son. This is the first time I have dated someone with children. It's nice that he is older. I feel more comfortable, but not 100% at ease yet. But that is what getting to know someone is all about.
I had a nice time. It was really a good open and conversational afternoon. He is a happy guy, passionate about computers and likes his job. He is 6'5" which I can't help... I like a lot! But as we talked... Well, I am worried he is a bit of a shut in. Yes, he would probably entertain me for bit, going out and road trips. But eventually it goes. If you are a homebody that is what you are. That's okay... but that's not me. He also has lived in Colorado his whole life and he isn't much for travel. He also doesn't ski or snowboard. He does say he wants to learn. He also doesn't watch football... hence scheduling a date during the ND v. Pitt game. In my pursuit of a heart to share, I've sadly missed THREE games. *sigh*
Sparks was a Notre Dame alum. He knew I was going to be late for our first date. The game went into overtime! I am sad about it, but that is the kind of man I need right now. The kind that wants to plan tiips to New Zealand or Argentina, watches a good amount of football, loves the snow almost more than he will love me (because I will also be putting him in a nice close tie with snow), passionate, true, great smile, kind, thoughtful and hopefully crazy for Harry Potter and Buffy the Vampire Slayer. But I will take one or the other. It's so difficult.
I am going to see Normal again to see what might be. I'm not that encouraged. I'm getting a little grumpy.. And I've emailed about 5 other potential dates just for practice. I don't even know if I am looking for a guy or something to write about these days. It's become more of a hobby now and less of an actual pursuit. I am not looking to get married. Am I? I am not looking for anything really attainable, am I? I guess that is how it feels after you have hit a few brick walls. While there are my girlfriends who are both interviewing for jobs and love... hitting walls on all sides. My heart aches. I know I am lucky to be in Denver. I am so happy here with my job, good friends and my quality of life is ten-fold. I just know there is a missing place next to me on my sofa right now. Someone I would really like to share my happiness with. What does it take?
We met for lunch on Saturday and I had to blab and blab to get him to talk about himself. That was okay. I am sort of good at making people feel comfortable. We talked about all kinds of music, movies and even the ex's. His ex lives in the state of Colorado and has custody of their eleven yr old son. This is the first time I have dated someone with children. It's nice that he is older. I feel more comfortable, but not 100% at ease yet. But that is what getting to know someone is all about.
I had a nice time. It was really a good open and conversational afternoon. He is a happy guy, passionate about computers and likes his job. He is 6'5" which I can't help... I like a lot! But as we talked... Well, I am worried he is a bit of a shut in. Yes, he would probably entertain me for bit, going out and road trips. But eventually it goes. If you are a homebody that is what you are. That's okay... but that's not me. He also has lived in Colorado his whole life and he isn't much for travel. He also doesn't ski or snowboard. He does say he wants to learn. He also doesn't watch football... hence scheduling a date during the ND v. Pitt game. In my pursuit of a heart to share, I've sadly missed THREE games. *sigh*
Sparks was a Notre Dame alum. He knew I was going to be late for our first date. The game went into overtime! I am sad about it, but that is the kind of man I need right now. The kind that wants to plan tiips to New Zealand or Argentina, watches a good amount of football, loves the snow almost more than he will love me (because I will also be putting him in a nice close tie with snow), passionate, true, great smile, kind, thoughtful and hopefully crazy for Harry Potter and Buffy the Vampire Slayer. But I will take one or the other. It's so difficult.
I am going to see Normal again to see what might be. I'm not that encouraged. I'm getting a little grumpy.. And I've emailed about 5 other potential dates just for practice. I don't even know if I am looking for a guy or something to write about these days. It's become more of a hobby now and less of an actual pursuit. I am not looking to get married. Am I? I am not looking for anything really attainable, am I? I guess that is how it feels after you have hit a few brick walls. While there are my girlfriends who are both interviewing for jobs and love... hitting walls on all sides. My heart aches. I know I am lucky to be in Denver. I am so happy here with my job, good friends and my quality of life is ten-fold. I just know there is a missing place next to me on my sofa right now. Someone I would really like to share my happiness with. What does it take?
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Be My Weaver
I cannot believe I forgot this all too interesting detail about my date with Prada!
So we are walking around the museum and we see some weavings and textiles. And I comment how my friend Lindsay is a master at knitting. I barely crochet. I will be a terrible grandma. No afghans.
He says,"You know that hat that was in my car, I wove that."
She says,"Really. Wow. So you knit? Wait, you wove it?"
He says,"Yeah, I have a loom and I just got it out and made a hat the other day."
She says,"HA. that is quite a talent."
Did I tell you that I have some inkling that Prada is not really into girls? I think it is really hard for him to be himself, because the conversations we've had about his family have me believing that they would not be happy if he were gay. This makes me so sad... Because he is a wonderful guy. He is just a fish out of water when he is with me. I am not just saying that because he wove a hat either. Although, I don't think any of the other guys I have gone out with would even know what to do with a ball of yarn. Maybe if they were on survivor they would fish with it or something.
Anyway... I was giggling about this last night because it was so absolutely endearing.
So we are walking around the museum and we see some weavings and textiles. And I comment how my friend Lindsay is a master at knitting. I barely crochet. I will be a terrible grandma. No afghans.
He says,"You know that hat that was in my car, I wove that."
She says,"Really. Wow. So you knit? Wait, you wove it?"
He says,"Yeah, I have a loom and I just got it out and made a hat the other day."
She says,"HA. that is quite a talent."
Did I tell you that I have some inkling that Prada is not really into girls? I think it is really hard for him to be himself, because the conversations we've had about his family have me believing that they would not be happy if he were gay. This makes me so sad... Because he is a wonderful guy. He is just a fish out of water when he is with me. I am not just saying that because he wove a hat either. Although, I don't think any of the other guys I have gone out with would even know what to do with a ball of yarn. Maybe if they were on survivor they would fish with it or something.
Anyway... I was giggling about this last night because it was so absolutely endearing.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Musings on Love
Because when you're not in love or in a relationship. All you can think about is being in love and being in a relationship. Pardoxically, I typically find myself on the edges of a relationships that I don't want to be in. Then go on complaining about the lack of relationships in my life. Because like with everything else in my life I am cursed with the need for perfection. He's out there. Mr. Perfect. Perfect for me that is. No worries... I like lots of flaws and silly behavior. And dorkiness most of all. It's just that the type A personalities that I love don't always come in that package. They tend to be a little more refined to being as silly as I am. Eh.
For the musing... I recently watched Sleepless in Seattle for the millionth time. This time I completely realized why I will sit and actually watch it all the way through. And be upset if I don't catch it from the beginning. When will a man love me this much?
AND why I feel like I need to stop watching movies for romantic inspiration. Hear that... inspiration. As if I could find someone who is really like that. Remember when I told you I was not the Bridget Jones kind of girl. No, I immediately could tell you I was Amelie. Because she's right, maybe I don't want to be in love. I want to be in a movie. Amelie is perfectly mysterious and not even a bit overbearing. She is also scared to death to let herself go. Bridget is a mess and lovely. She just let's herself go and screw you if you can't deal with it. Not to mention she has the best group of friends giving her the worst advice. It's awesome. I wish I could be a little of Bridget mixed with Amelie. I guess then you get Annie. The Annie from Sleepless in Seattle.
Okay. I have a stock of movies that I watch for different inspiration. This is how it is:
When a guy dumps me I watch Legally Blonde for this line, "If you let one stupid prick ruin your life, you aren't the girl I thought you were."
Under the Tuscan Sun for the days that my past is bothering me for this line, "Do you know the most surprising thing about divorce? It doesn't actually kill you. Like a bullet to the heart or a head-on car wreck. It should. When someone you've promised to cherish till death do you part says "I never loved you," it should kill you instantly. You shouldn't have to wake up day after day after that, trying to understand how in the world you didn't know. The light just never went on, you know. I must have known, of course, but I was too scared to see the truth. Then fear just makes you so stupid. " And you go on and you don't die and things get so much better!
And then this line comes in, "Signora, between Austria and Italy, there is a section of the Alps called the Semmering. It is an impossibly steep, very high part of the mountains. They built a train track over these Alps to connect Vienna and Venice. They built these tracks even before there was a train in existence that could make the trip. They built it because they knew some day, the train would come."
Amelie I watch for everything. The whole experience. And especially, "Amélie still seeks solitude. She amuses herself with silly questions about the world below, such as "How many people are having an orgasm right now?" "Fifteen."
Love Actually for this line, "But for now, let me say - Without hope or agenda - Just because it's Christmas - And at Christmas you tell the truth - To me, you are perfect - And my wasted heart will love you - Until you look like this." (When he is giving her the flash cards) Yes, it's horrible and sad and completely wrong. But you can see how much he loves her. Unrequited love is soooo hard. Which is also why I am adicted to "The Holiday".
Yeah. Damn it!! The Holiday!! I couldn't be more angry with myself. But Kate Winslet is giving me a huge big sister push to get what I want. Everytime I see her move on, I move on!
Okay. That's enough for now. I feel exposed. Love you guys like a fat kid loves cake :)
For the musing... I recently watched Sleepless in Seattle for the millionth time. This time I completely realized why I will sit and actually watch it all the way through. And be upset if I don't catch it from the beginning. When will a man love me this much?
Doctor Marcia Fieldstone: People who truly loved once are far more likely to love again. Sam, do you think there's someone out there you could love as much as your wife?And the next line, when Annie and Becky are watching 'An Affair to Remember' sums up why it is so pathetic that I love this movie... Because I identify hands down with Annie.
Sam Baldwin: Well, Dr. Marcia Fieldstone, that's hard to imagine.
Doctor Marcia Fieldstone: What are you going to do?
Sam Baldwin: Well, I'm gonna get out of bed every morning... breath in and out all day long. Then, after a while I won't have to remind myself to get out of bed every morning and breath in and out... and, then after a while, I won't have to think about how I had it great and perfect for a while.
Annie Reed: Now that was when people KNEW how to be in love. They knew it! Time, distance... nothing could separate them because they knew. It was right. It was real. It was...
Becky: A movie! That's your problem! You don't want to be in love. You want to be in love in a movie.
AND why I feel like I need to stop watching movies for romantic inspiration. Hear that... inspiration. As if I could find someone who is really like that. Remember when I told you I was not the Bridget Jones kind of girl. No, I immediately could tell you I was Amelie. Because she's right, maybe I don't want to be in love. I want to be in a movie. Amelie is perfectly mysterious and not even a bit overbearing. She is also scared to death to let herself go. Bridget is a mess and lovely. She just let's herself go and screw you if you can't deal with it. Not to mention she has the best group of friends giving her the worst advice. It's awesome. I wish I could be a little of Bridget mixed with Amelie. I guess then you get Annie. The Annie from Sleepless in Seattle.
Okay. I have a stock of movies that I watch for different inspiration. This is how it is:
When a guy dumps me I watch Legally Blonde for this line, "If you let one stupid prick ruin your life, you aren't the girl I thought you were."
Under the Tuscan Sun for the days that my past is bothering me for this line, "Do you know the most surprising thing about divorce? It doesn't actually kill you. Like a bullet to the heart or a head-on car wreck. It should. When someone you've promised to cherish till death do you part says "I never loved you," it should kill you instantly. You shouldn't have to wake up day after day after that, trying to understand how in the world you didn't know. The light just never went on, you know. I must have known, of course, but I was too scared to see the truth. Then fear just makes you so stupid. " And you go on and you don't die and things get so much better!
And then this line comes in, "Signora, between Austria and Italy, there is a section of the Alps called the Semmering. It is an impossibly steep, very high part of the mountains. They built a train track over these Alps to connect Vienna and Venice. They built these tracks even before there was a train in existence that could make the trip. They built it because they knew some day, the train would come."
Amelie I watch for everything. The whole experience. And especially, "Amélie still seeks solitude. She amuses herself with silly questions about the world below, such as "How many people are having an orgasm right now?" "Fifteen."
Love Actually for this line, "But for now, let me say - Without hope or agenda - Just because it's Christmas - And at Christmas you tell the truth - To me, you are perfect - And my wasted heart will love you - Until you look like this." (When he is giving her the flash cards) Yes, it's horrible and sad and completely wrong. But you can see how much he loves her. Unrequited love is soooo hard. Which is also why I am adicted to "The Holiday".
Yeah. Damn it!! The Holiday!! I couldn't be more angry with myself. But Kate Winslet is giving me a huge big sister push to get what I want. Everytime I see her move on, I move on!
Okay. That's enough for now. I feel exposed. Love you guys like a fat kid loves cake :)
Monday, November 9, 2009
Shooting for the Stars
Saturday we (me and Prada) cruised two museums a length. The Museum of Contemporary Art and the Kirkland which blew me away! The MoCA was good. Better than I expected. The Kirkland was so amazing. It is in the house of a former University of Colorado art professor. He has many of his paintings displayed and he collected from the most amazing craftsman and artists of his time. The collection of chairs was right out of Vitra! When I laid eyes on the 'Marshmallow' sofa... I was in love. I didn't get to really check out the amazing pottery collection - Prada is a painter and could have cared less.
Yes. I love museums. Okay the date went down hill for me after we had an 'agree to disagree' discussion regarding art and getting a degree in art. Of course you can tell me that I am not the open minded one and he is... But here was the discussion.
He believes that art is a continuous line. That it shouldn't and doesn't repeat itself. (A million holes right??) Okay I let him go on. (context: we are sitting in front of a red splash painted canvas reminiscent of the scene in The Shining). Furthermore, you shouldn't study or dwell on things like Impressionism (which is the style I told him I loved) because it is over and it has reached it's peak of development so there isn't any value in revisiting it. In art school he believes you should be able to splash paint on canvas, burn it etc do whatever you need to do to a canvas to innovate and create.
Are you kidding me? My end of this discussion was like this.
I do not find value in splashing paint or burning canvas that hasn't come from somewhere deeper. If you want to splash paint I hope in your past you have been able to sketch like Da Vinci. I think that art education similar to my education in architecture should give you all of the tools of the masters of that craft. How can you begin to innovate if you don't even know where you are innovating from? I don't believe that art should be created in a vaccuum of intellect. I also said that if you want to paint like an impressionist for the rest of your life... more power to you. He believes this is a ridiculous waste of time. That art is not like fashion and does not move in a circular motion. You would think he had never been to a museum or studied art.
I don't know. I just know we aren't that into each other and we are better off friends.
I hope to have a date with a guy this week... He is 6'5"!! So I am shooting for the stars. He mentioned that one of the most private things he is willing to admit was that he put his chocolate in peanut butter. Seriously a dork... I love him already! I think he gets me.
Yes. I love museums. Okay the date went down hill for me after we had an 'agree to disagree' discussion regarding art and getting a degree in art. Of course you can tell me that I am not the open minded one and he is... But here was the discussion.
He believes that art is a continuous line. That it shouldn't and doesn't repeat itself. (A million holes right??) Okay I let him go on. (context: we are sitting in front of a red splash painted canvas reminiscent of the scene in The Shining). Furthermore, you shouldn't study or dwell on things like Impressionism (which is the style I told him I loved) because it is over and it has reached it's peak of development so there isn't any value in revisiting it. In art school he believes you should be able to splash paint on canvas, burn it etc do whatever you need to do to a canvas to innovate and create.
Are you kidding me? My end of this discussion was like this.
I do not find value in splashing paint or burning canvas that hasn't come from somewhere deeper. If you want to splash paint I hope in your past you have been able to sketch like Da Vinci. I think that art education similar to my education in architecture should give you all of the tools of the masters of that craft. How can you begin to innovate if you don't even know where you are innovating from? I don't believe that art should be created in a vaccuum of intellect. I also said that if you want to paint like an impressionist for the rest of your life... more power to you. He believes this is a ridiculous waste of time. That art is not like fashion and does not move in a circular motion. You would think he had never been to a museum or studied art.
I don't know. I just know we aren't that into each other and we are better off friends.
I hope to have a date with a guy this week... He is 6'5"!! So I am shooting for the stars. He mentioned that one of the most private things he is willing to admit was that he put his chocolate in peanut butter. Seriously a dork... I love him already! I think he gets me.
Friday, November 6, 2009
Short Comings
I promise to become timely with blog and date. Next time.
Last week Tuesday when we were having a bit of weather here in Denver. I walked a mile, mile and a quarter up the street to Uptown to meet my new Ok Cupid date, his code name is Prada Loafers. We had been trying to meet up for about two weeks and had actually talked on the phone, exchanged texts and emails trying to find a time when our schedules weren't busting full.
It was raining and a bit chilly. But I was excited to meet this guy. We had a lot to talk about... and he had just told me that he went to an oil painting seminar at the art store. He paints!? Okay. I can't wait to meet this guy. He has also worked on and off in the architecture world and is going to grad school to get his degree in economics. Thinking he might like to work with developers and something in the realm of urban infill. Sounds too good to be true. If I were making a list of 'Gee... if I could make a guy up on paper wouldn't these be some nice to haves...' some of these qualities would definitely make it on an extended second page.
I'm not a tall girl. 5'5" is really average. I also don't wear heels that often anymore. Since my foot surgery still gets my foot swelling up from time to time. You see where this is going? I looked at all his pictures... adorable. Read his funny little stories... hilarious! I didn't look at his height. Does this really matter? No. It doesn't. In fact I've dated a couple guys my height. But, if I could make up that guy on paper... he would probably be 6'2" or taller. I do love being small. So, he is also 5'5". Minus 1" or 2"... cause guys lie about height. Girls lie about weight. And age. Sure, I will stop making stereotypical statements when they aren't true.
Prada is short and I am not going to worry about this. We have so much to talk about and he is really cute. That totally makes up for the shortness. He is also a super nice guy and treating this like a real date. He gets me a drink and the conversation begins with a question. "Where are you from in Michigan?" I pulled out my map. My right hand. He about lost it laughing. Apparently his sister warned him this would happen and that is WHY he asked me the question. I was totally set up. It was the best ice breaker ever!! We had such a good laugh.
As the night went on we had dinner and I just felt like I was out with one of my old friends. Hmmmm... I guess I shouldn't really feel that way. I should be trying to hold myself back from bad decisions and making out with him right? Nope. Just wasn't one of those dates. But I had a really good time and we are going to the museum tomorrow to look at paintings.
Last week Tuesday when we were having a bit of weather here in Denver. I walked a mile, mile and a quarter up the street to Uptown to meet my new Ok Cupid date, his code name is Prada Loafers. We had been trying to meet up for about two weeks and had actually talked on the phone, exchanged texts and emails trying to find a time when our schedules weren't busting full.
It was raining and a bit chilly. But I was excited to meet this guy. We had a lot to talk about... and he had just told me that he went to an oil painting seminar at the art store. He paints!? Okay. I can't wait to meet this guy. He has also worked on and off in the architecture world and is going to grad school to get his degree in economics. Thinking he might like to work with developers and something in the realm of urban infill. Sounds too good to be true. If I were making a list of 'Gee... if I could make a guy up on paper wouldn't these be some nice to haves...' some of these qualities would definitely make it on an extended second page.
I'm not a tall girl. 5'5" is really average. I also don't wear heels that often anymore. Since my foot surgery still gets my foot swelling up from time to time. You see where this is going? I looked at all his pictures... adorable. Read his funny little stories... hilarious! I didn't look at his height. Does this really matter? No. It doesn't. In fact I've dated a couple guys my height. But, if I could make up that guy on paper... he would probably be 6'2" or taller. I do love being small. So, he is also 5'5". Minus 1" or 2"... cause guys lie about height. Girls lie about weight. And age. Sure, I will stop making stereotypical statements when they aren't true.
Prada is short and I am not going to worry about this. We have so much to talk about and he is really cute. That totally makes up for the shortness. He is also a super nice guy and treating this like a real date. He gets me a drink and the conversation begins with a question. "Where are you from in Michigan?" I pulled out my map. My right hand. He about lost it laughing. Apparently his sister warned him this would happen and that is WHY he asked me the question. I was totally set up. It was the best ice breaker ever!! We had such a good laugh.
As the night went on we had dinner and I just felt like I was out with one of my old friends. Hmmmm... I guess I shouldn't really feel that way. I should be trying to hold myself back from bad decisions and making out with him right? Nope. Just wasn't one of those dates. But I had a really good time and we are going to the museum tomorrow to look at paintings.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Fall Behind
Okay. I promise these will get shorter... after this one. And this one is a RANT.
Last post from the past... Because if I don't tell you about Serenity it just wouldn't be right. In fact, he is sort of the reason I felt I needed this blog. I met Serenity the Tuesday night that Sparks found out that he was laid off. Serenity and I met up at a wine bar neither of us had been to. He was cute and we had a lot in common from our little email conversations. He just finished culinary school about a year ago and had spent some time in France. I was really excited to talk to him about this as you all know I am a bit of a foodie.
He picked the first glass of wine. A sparkling white from France. I picked the second my favourite smokey carmenere from Chile. Of course he was impressed. (laugh out loud here) I played the 'whoa, I didn't remember it being THAT good card.' Yeah, yeah I know... anyway... we ended up ordering a little food. We are going on a few good hours of conversation now. He was married, in the service, lived over seas, divorced after 3 years. She was a bit of a monster... FLAG.
Okay. Here's the rule. Yes, we are divorced. Things didn't work out. But just like getting fired from a job. No bashing of the spouses. For me this is a golden rule. It's bad karma and it's completely unnecessary. There are a million reasons people split up. But you are split up. No need to revisit the who did what to whom. Yuck, move on. And even if she wasn't a stellar mate, did you want to tell me all of this over our first date? Oops... not a date. Just a meet up. We split the bill.
We part ways and agree to see one another again. I am blowing this spouse thing off a bit and chalking it up to nervous chatter. Sunday we are going to have brunch.
He picks me up on Sunday and we go to this absolutely fantastic brunch joint. So delicious and they give you a pot of french press coffee. I love it already. This time conversation is much more smooth. But I am a little bugged that we haven't 'sparked' like I did with my first guy. Serenity and I have just as much to talk about. He's attractive to me. But damn if there isn't something bugging me. We talk about our travels and experiences. Where we grew up and our families. He tells me that he does yoga and meditation. Also Tai Chi. Hmmmm... interesting. What was it my friend Emily said about people that are really obsessive about this stuff? We had a really nice date. Oops... not a date. Just a meet up. We split the bill. Hmmmm... is he not really into me?
That week we talk a few times casually on email... how's your day? yada, yada. But he adds that he wants to make me dinner. Now this is nice. Since I told him about living with my friend Vanesh and her family in Winchester, UK he wants to make me an Indian curry. Well, I didn't tell him but he was taking a huge leap of faith here even thinking he could make me curry to top Vaneshrie's. But, what the hell, let him try. I am sure it will be good anyway. I agree to bring the bread.
Dinner was... a recipe. I know, I know... that sounds so harsh. The company was good. The desert was good. Dinner was good! I am not trying to put anyone down here. But when you cook for someone the first time, I don't care if an omelete is the best thing you make, THAT is what you cook. He followed the recipe to perfection. It wasn't anything I would ask for again. I am a nice girl and I faked an appetite for his cooking. With all the mmmm's and oooohhh's and even and oh my god! This is so good. Yeah... never thought I would have to do that.
Serenity doesn't live far from me, but it was late so he drove me home. He also brews this crazy vinegar tasting Japanese tea called Kombucha that is suppose to boost your immune system. I agree to have a cup. It is slow going down but isn't awful. And I really don't want to get sick so I will try anything. I take the tea cup in the car with me and he drops me off. He also gives me a hug then leans around and plants a kiss on me. ARRGH. I pull away and say how I am totally full of germs and he shouldn't be doing that. He's just smiling like he did something bad and he LIKES it. Oh no. I don't even know if I WANT to kiss this guy. I am not feeling 'sparks' or anything yet. He's nice... but I am still getting a weird vibe.
After this date I do get a little sick. Not horrible, but not great. I seem to be standing on the edge of the flu knife. Achy, headache, sore throat and yet nothing progressing into the shadowy depths of what I know the flu is capable of. I am still able to function and wake up each day. But I tell Serenity I am sick while I work out a way to back this truck up and think about how I really feel.But I know I am not that into him. I know this because of my reaction to Sparks. I also know he is a nice guy with a good job and cute apartment and that he likes me and wants to cook me lots of dinners. That is nice and I shouldn't just push that aside. Sometimes it takes a little wooing and seduction to get some sparks going. However, we have some flags... he has a funny little way of cutting on people in a seemingly 'nice' way. His sarcastic humor is borderline mean and he said some nasty things about his ex. Also, the dinner was our 'first date' and he really isn't doing any wooing at all... Even my ex-husband sent me flowers after our first date. That was awesome. :)
This Chapter is called... 'Do you know what an analogy is?'
We have a little phone tag for a bit, email and text while I am sick. Then he sends me THE email. Paraphrased, "... are we going to see each other again or not?" But, he also includes a story...
Huh. That's funny, I don't remember Serenity asking me to make plans in any of our other emails or voice mails. In fact, one voice mail I got sounded so short and well, honestly so snippity I didn't want to call him back. I definitely don't remember him asking me out after he dropped me off from the dinner date either. He just sort of jumps to what is going on and you're being indifferent. It's been 7 days since our dinner date. Then he says you've been sick but that can't account for everything.
Whoa. What the? Flags anyone? anyone?
I responded with a bit of a shy email. I explained how I wanted to take things really slow. I wanted to get to know him better. And I also gave him a 'story'. Apparently, that story is served with a can of worms that I won't know have opened, squirmed everywhere and infested the whole situation. By the way... emails SUCK when you don't know the other person! Just so we're clear.
I made my email and responses pink because it's cute.
E Harmony isn't shopping online for a frickin' sofa to set in your life. I am a real person! Damn you Cupid.
Last post from the past... Because if I don't tell you about Serenity it just wouldn't be right. In fact, he is sort of the reason I felt I needed this blog. I met Serenity the Tuesday night that Sparks found out that he was laid off. Serenity and I met up at a wine bar neither of us had been to. He was cute and we had a lot in common from our little email conversations. He just finished culinary school about a year ago and had spent some time in France. I was really excited to talk to him about this as you all know I am a bit of a foodie.
He picked the first glass of wine. A sparkling white from France. I picked the second my favourite smokey carmenere from Chile. Of course he was impressed. (laugh out loud here) I played the 'whoa, I didn't remember it being THAT good card.' Yeah, yeah I know... anyway... we ended up ordering a little food. We are going on a few good hours of conversation now. He was married, in the service, lived over seas, divorced after 3 years. She was a bit of a monster... FLAG.
Okay. Here's the rule. Yes, we are divorced. Things didn't work out. But just like getting fired from a job. No bashing of the spouses. For me this is a golden rule. It's bad karma and it's completely unnecessary. There are a million reasons people split up. But you are split up. No need to revisit the who did what to whom. Yuck, move on. And even if she wasn't a stellar mate, did you want to tell me all of this over our first date? Oops... not a date. Just a meet up. We split the bill.
We part ways and agree to see one another again. I am blowing this spouse thing off a bit and chalking it up to nervous chatter. Sunday we are going to have brunch.
He picks me up on Sunday and we go to this absolutely fantastic brunch joint. So delicious and they give you a pot of french press coffee. I love it already. This time conversation is much more smooth. But I am a little bugged that we haven't 'sparked' like I did with my first guy. Serenity and I have just as much to talk about. He's attractive to me. But damn if there isn't something bugging me. We talk about our travels and experiences. Where we grew up and our families. He tells me that he does yoga and meditation. Also Tai Chi. Hmmmm... interesting. What was it my friend Emily said about people that are really obsessive about this stuff? We had a really nice date. Oops... not a date. Just a meet up. We split the bill. Hmmmm... is he not really into me?
That week we talk a few times casually on email... how's your day? yada, yada. But he adds that he wants to make me dinner. Now this is nice. Since I told him about living with my friend Vanesh and her family in Winchester, UK he wants to make me an Indian curry. Well, I didn't tell him but he was taking a huge leap of faith here even thinking he could make me curry to top Vaneshrie's. But, what the hell, let him try. I am sure it will be good anyway. I agree to bring the bread.
Dinner was... a recipe. I know, I know... that sounds so harsh. The company was good. The desert was good. Dinner was good! I am not trying to put anyone down here. But when you cook for someone the first time, I don't care if an omelete is the best thing you make, THAT is what you cook. He followed the recipe to perfection. It wasn't anything I would ask for again. I am a nice girl and I faked an appetite for his cooking. With all the mmmm's and oooohhh's and even and oh my god! This is so good. Yeah... never thought I would have to do that.
Serenity doesn't live far from me, but it was late so he drove me home. He also brews this crazy vinegar tasting Japanese tea called Kombucha that is suppose to boost your immune system. I agree to have a cup. It is slow going down but isn't awful. And I really don't want to get sick so I will try anything. I take the tea cup in the car with me and he drops me off. He also gives me a hug then leans around and plants a kiss on me. ARRGH. I pull away and say how I am totally full of germs and he shouldn't be doing that. He's just smiling like he did something bad and he LIKES it. Oh no. I don't even know if I WANT to kiss this guy. I am not feeling 'sparks' or anything yet. He's nice... but I am still getting a weird vibe.
After this date I do get a little sick. Not horrible, but not great. I seem to be standing on the edge of the flu knife. Achy, headache, sore throat and yet nothing progressing into the shadowy depths of what I know the flu is capable of. I am still able to function and wake up each day. But I tell Serenity I am sick while I work out a way to back this truck up and think about how I really feel.But I know I am not that into him. I know this because of my reaction to Sparks. I also know he is a nice guy with a good job and cute apartment and that he likes me and wants to cook me lots of dinners. That is nice and I shouldn't just push that aside. Sometimes it takes a little wooing and seduction to get some sparks going. However, we have some flags... he has a funny little way of cutting on people in a seemingly 'nice' way. His sarcastic humor is borderline mean and he said some nasty things about his ex. Also, the dinner was our 'first date' and he really isn't doing any wooing at all... Even my ex-husband sent me flowers after our first date. That was awesome. :)
This Chapter is called... 'Do you know what an analogy is?'
We have a little phone tag for a bit, email and text while I am sick. Then he sends me THE email. Paraphrased, "... are we going to see each other again or not?" But, he also includes a story...
"I also have a little story for you. :-) When I was about twenty and in Japan, I had a girlfriend that gave me this great smelling French cologne that was called, "Indifference". Birthday, Christmas, White Day (in Japan, Valentine's is unidirectional so there are two holidays, one for each sex to present to the other)... who knows, but I really loved this cologne because not only did it smell fantastic but I really dug the name and all that it implied; namely an aloofness/derision from/towards the opposite sex that fit, oh so well, the macho image that young men are expected to express instead of just saying , "Hey, I like you." That was all well and good back then, but... ;-) what I am feeling from you right now is also indifference; whether it be, indifference to me, indifference to dating, or indifference to trying to date me. I can't really say with any certainty."
Huh. That's funny, I don't remember Serenity asking me to make plans in any of our other emails or voice mails. In fact, one voice mail I got sounded so short and well, honestly so snippity I didn't want to call him back. I definitely don't remember him asking me out after he dropped me off from the dinner date either. He just sort of jumps to what is going on and you're being indifferent. It's been 7 days since our dinner date. Then he says you've been sick but that can't account for everything.
Whoa. What the? Flags anyone? anyone?
I responded with a bit of a shy email. I explained how I wanted to take things really slow. I wanted to get to know him better. And I also gave him a 'story'. Apparently, that story is served with a can of worms that I won't know have opened, squirmed everywhere and infested the whole situation. By the way... emails SUCK when you don't know the other person! Just so we're clear.
I made my email and responses pink because it's cute.
Heres my little story: There was this episode of Sex In The City when Carrie begins hanging out with Aiden who she really likes. They start dating and after two dates she is wondering why he hasn't tried to sleep with her. They go on about 4 more dates and she is going crazy thinking there is something wrong with her. Finally she breaks and asks him why she isn't attractive to him or why he isn't into her. He explains that he wants to get to know her and take it slow so when things really click between them it will mean something to both of them. But they need to take the time to get know each other to realize if that can even happen. To sum up, I'm Aiden not Carrie. I'm slow. I need to take a lot of time thinking about how things can really happen. And if they should. I'm sorry I didn't say something the second that you kissed me. I should have told you that I wasn't ready for that yet.I wasn't ready because I didn't know how I felt about Serentiy yet. Here is how he got the nickname Serenity. This is it Matty... this is the angry letter. Yes, I still read it to see if it was real sometimes. Join me in my fun. When I sent this to Emily I said," We aren't even dating yet and I am exhausted." I am just going to post the whole thing. Again, my story was an ANALOGY.
Sex and the City was a good show that I did find very entertaining but at the same time I always felt very sorry for the guys that would end up dating the girls that grew up watching that show in their formative years. I thought that the girls taken as individuals were absolutely insane, schizophrenic, and dysfunctional in a way but if you took all of their qualities and considered them as a whole that, collectively, they made one hell of a woman. Never thought about this before but maybe the same could be said for all their major paramours? Hmmm...
(DANG, he feels sorry for the guys I date. And since I took the road to identify myself with a male character on the show, IN MY ANALOGY. Hang on, did he just call me 'absoultely insane, schizophrenic and dysfunctional? I don't think we are dealing with my definition of analogy anymore.)
I did join Eharmony to find a girlfriend. Does it have to happen in a few dates or even weeks? Absolutely not. Consequently, the dating multiple people bothers me too; not that I am a jealous person at all. I know it happens in the normal course of meeting new potential partners and overlap occurs but as an intention from the start I am not okay with that. Been there, done that, over it. So, call me old-fashioned in that respect. If exclusivity, providing of course things go really well, in the near future is not up for consideration for you then please let me know now.
(Basically, the been there done that line is so done we need a new word for done. Here is where the exhaustion really hits you in the face.)
So, what is my short response to a long explanation? I am not completely sure. It is partly up to you still. My first instinct was to say thanks and maybe if our situations change, then we can give each other a call in the future. I am glad I did not meet you six months or even six weeks ago because I would have most definitely thought, "I don't need this. I am outta here!" And for that I have to thank the collected wisdom of Taijiquan for having more applications than just in the martial realm. I just started rereading a Tai Chi book and one of the first pages discussed the concept of luo, which is to roll back from an attack (not just physical) and neither retreat nor resist it but to relax and accept it with total awareness and I think this is a situation in which that concept is pertinent for me.(Still up to me? Are you kidding? Dude. You haven't even asked me out again!! And I wouldn't say yes after you badgered me to death with all of this. Thank who's ever God you want that you have that Tai Chi book to recoil from my attack. My attack? Sweet. At least he can relax and accept this with total awareness. I can finally sleep tonight.)
(Vexing!! I vex him?? I told him I thought the tea he gave me kept me up the night I was getting sick. It was probably the fact that I was achy and had a headache as well. Who the hell cares! But here he is calling me a liar! Wow. We've seen each other three times. What the hell brought this to my door step? I am not losing sleep over a lousy kiss after a lousy meal. DAMN YOU CUPID!!!)
Also,the fact that you were freaked out enough by a "peck" that you didn't know how to discuss it with me and ended up losing sleep over it (I don't buy your kombucha/caffeine theory anymore) is slightly vexing. So, please, tell me these things. I am not a mind reader, never have been and never will; but I am a really good listener.
(How to end on a good positive note. Must have been from the Tai Chi book. Dang. I am glad it all worked out for you Serenity. I'll be running in the other direction as quickly as possible if you don't mind.)
I have to say that I like everything about you that I have seen so far, very much indeed; enough to continue despite the (for me) less than ideal circumstances. Provided of course we can come to some sort of middle ground that works for both of us.
So, with that I leave the ball in your court. If you would like to call or e-mail me or even meet to discuss some middle ground then that would be great. :-)I emailed him and told him I hope that he will find the love of his life and success in his restaurant. I did also mention that I didn't appreciated being called a liar and I wouldn't want to hold him back. I was polite, concise and I am mailing him his tea cup back. He responded saying that my biggest fault was being too independent and that his was being too honest. I was his 'great white hope' that he hadn't dated in a year and wouldn't be dating anytime soon. I ruined it for him. He said I was oh so promising. Really? Was I? The too independent insane me? or the schizo dysfunctional me? Which one did you fall for?
E Harmony isn't shopping online for a frickin' sofa to set in your life. I am a real person! Damn you Cupid.
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Happy Halloween - Valentine's for Vampires
Happy Halloween! Check email. 12 new matches from eharmony. 6 new matches from Ok Cupid. AND I received a 'I want to communicate' with you from eharmony. Oh goody, these are tedious and annoying. Just send me an email already. I had a date last week. Usually... I go on about one date a week.
A few weeks ago when I started this I was tripping over guys. I booked them back to back. I went to drinks, then sporting events, dinners and happy hours. It was a lot of fun. I was meeting all different kinds of people really looking for what could click. I have always been into different kinds of guys so I am never looking for a 'type'. I picked guys that I had lots of things in common with so that we could have topics for conversation.
Yes, it all sounds like I was bingeing or something but everything was very innocent. I don't make out with these guys. If they are lucky they get a hug. I made a promise to myself that I would date at least 30 guys until I thought about getting even serious enough to make out with one of them. That way I would give everyone a fair chance and get to KNOW them. My heart is a little jumpy and tends to leap for the guy who gives me the most attention... even if it's not good attention... even if he's not worth it. I am trying to learn from past mistakes and not give up the heart too soon. All that being said... oh they were good intentions! And everybody falls down once right? Fall down seven times, get up eight...
It was my first date. He invited me to drinks on a Wednesday night. We met and BAM... yes! This is going to be great! We were laughing and talking like we've known each other for a while. He even did his MBA at Notre Dame. So here come the South Bend stories. We had sparks and snaps and connections happening all over the place. ( I am going to just call him Sparks so we don't get confused with other dates.) Sparks was divorced, moved to Colorado from the east coast. Creative, snowboarder and really, really cute. I mean really cute. And did I mention really into me? We are leaving the restaurant and he gave me a hug. Then says, "what the hell." - plants a kiss on me and Oh My God. It was so nice. I giggled all the way home like I was in middle school.
Sparks calls me the next day, we make plans for Saturday (after the ND game of course) He takes me to dinner, then courtside to a Nuggets game. Who IS this guy! I am having so much fun. Sparks is holding my hand and planting little kisses on my cheek whenever he looks at me. He's acting like there aren't even half naked cheerleaders on the floor... just me sitting next to him. I am caught up in all the swirling starlight and my two beer limit. My heart is pounding and beating out in morse code...be cool honey bunny, be cool. This is the first date... BE CAREFUL!
Here it comes... After the game Sparks asks,"one more drink?". This is when my heart is saying, Go home, you've had such a good time. Let it end here. And my stupid head says, "YES! We're having so much fun, don't let it end here!" We made out at the bar. Oh Rebekah, you poor thing. I went home thinking I screwed up. That this guy didn't think I was serious about him. That I didn't really want to get to know him. I just wanted to make out with him and let him drop a serious load of money on me. Who is this girl!? What happened!? I got caught up in someone I could really like and because I felt like I had known him for a while, I ACTED like we knew each other that well. Relative to our connection, feeling like years and NOT relative to our real timeline which was only hours. Lesson catalogued... Is it too late?
We talked the next day (Sunday) and he was so cool, of course. Sparks told me what a great time he had. I backed up my guilt truck and thought... WHEW. He must have been feeling the same! I didn't screw it up! SWEET. This is going to be okay. (BTW, I had two more dates set up for the following week so I was trying to set up the feeling that I will not get serious about anyone. I will take everything slow because I have other guys to meet.) I called him on Monday. No call returned. I sent him a little nudge text on Tuesday morning. Nothing ALL day. I left for my next happy hour date after work. On my way I get a phone call. Disaster strikes twice. 1. He got laid off from his job. 2. He also is coughing and stuffed up and has the flu. Damn you Cupid. You took his pride (work) and now he's got the flu, at least one week away from each other. I tell him to rest and call me later. Later ends up being Saturday. When I call him. BTW... my Tuesday meet up goes fairly well. We split the bill so I call that a 'meet up'. He pays... it's a date. He will be known as 'Serenity'.
Seriously, I can't believe I am still typing. It's so funny to relive all of this! I hope you all know this is AMAZINGLY like therapy :)
Friday night I meet my first Ok Cupid date. We will call him... Tipper. I'll get back to him later.
Okay. I call Sparks on Saturday. We decide to have coffee on Sunday night. I'm so excited to see him again so I straighten my hair and try on about four outfits trying to look cute. When I see him its... different. Yeah, he's been sick and laid off from his job. His attitude is good and he is concentrating on school. Oh, I forgot to mention he's a student at DU getting his second masters. So we share the 'too much paper' thing too. Anyway, we chit chat and end up ordering food and drinking tea for about 2 hours. He's distant. Sparks didn't show up. He sent a dull yellow flickering fluorescent tube light in his presence. I was sad. I walked him half way home to catch my bus. And I can't even prepare you for this flag on the field... I'm just going to drop it on you, like it was dropped on me.
A guy across the street yells,"Hey man, where is the Diamond Cabaret?!" Sparks, without missing a beat, says the address and points the guys in the right direction, THEN tells them it isn't that great of a club. You should go to Shotgun Willie's it's a much better strip club. THEN proceeds to give me the play by play low down on both clubs and a couple others in town. Inside Rebekah's head,"WTF?!?!?" Pick jaw off concrete. What comes out... nervous laughter. We hug and say good night. I get on my bus. I go to my friend Em's house immediately. I vomit the night's happenings to her in shock. Did I hear what I thought I heard? She is sweet and tries to diffuse my anxiety. But we are both left with red flags. I don't ever call him again. He never calls me either. Damn you Cupid.
I go out with Serenity on Sunday morning for brunch.
Summary. 1. Sparks 2. Serenity 3. Tipper in that order. So far every guy I have gone out with wants to see me again. I can't say the same for me. I need help on the cool break up techniques. Not like guys have 'let me down' in the past. Not calling is NOT acceptable.
A few weeks ago when I started this I was tripping over guys. I booked them back to back. I went to drinks, then sporting events, dinners and happy hours. It was a lot of fun. I was meeting all different kinds of people really looking for what could click. I have always been into different kinds of guys so I am never looking for a 'type'. I picked guys that I had lots of things in common with so that we could have topics for conversation.
Yes, it all sounds like I was bingeing or something but everything was very innocent. I don't make out with these guys. If they are lucky they get a hug. I made a promise to myself that I would date at least 30 guys until I thought about getting even serious enough to make out with one of them. That way I would give everyone a fair chance and get to KNOW them. My heart is a little jumpy and tends to leap for the guy who gives me the most attention... even if it's not good attention... even if he's not worth it. I am trying to learn from past mistakes and not give up the heart too soon. All that being said... oh they were good intentions! And everybody falls down once right? Fall down seven times, get up eight...
It was my first date. He invited me to drinks on a Wednesday night. We met and BAM... yes! This is going to be great! We were laughing and talking like we've known each other for a while. He even did his MBA at Notre Dame. So here come the South Bend stories. We had sparks and snaps and connections happening all over the place. ( I am going to just call him Sparks so we don't get confused with other dates.) Sparks was divorced, moved to Colorado from the east coast. Creative, snowboarder and really, really cute. I mean really cute. And did I mention really into me? We are leaving the restaurant and he gave me a hug. Then says, "what the hell." - plants a kiss on me and Oh My God. It was so nice. I giggled all the way home like I was in middle school.
Sparks calls me the next day, we make plans for Saturday (after the ND game of course) He takes me to dinner, then courtside to a Nuggets game. Who IS this guy! I am having so much fun. Sparks is holding my hand and planting little kisses on my cheek whenever he looks at me. He's acting like there aren't even half naked cheerleaders on the floor... just me sitting next to him. I am caught up in all the swirling starlight and my two beer limit. My heart is pounding and beating out in morse code...be cool honey bunny, be cool. This is the first date... BE CAREFUL!
Here it comes... After the game Sparks asks,"one more drink?". This is when my heart is saying, Go home, you've had such a good time. Let it end here. And my stupid head says, "YES! We're having so much fun, don't let it end here!" We made out at the bar. Oh Rebekah, you poor thing. I went home thinking I screwed up. That this guy didn't think I was serious about him. That I didn't really want to get to know him. I just wanted to make out with him and let him drop a serious load of money on me. Who is this girl!? What happened!? I got caught up in someone I could really like and because I felt like I had known him for a while, I ACTED like we knew each other that well. Relative to our connection, feeling like years and NOT relative to our real timeline which was only hours. Lesson catalogued... Is it too late?
We talked the next day (Sunday) and he was so cool, of course. Sparks told me what a great time he had. I backed up my guilt truck and thought... WHEW. He must have been feeling the same! I didn't screw it up! SWEET. This is going to be okay. (BTW, I had two more dates set up for the following week so I was trying to set up the feeling that I will not get serious about anyone. I will take everything slow because I have other guys to meet.) I called him on Monday. No call returned. I sent him a little nudge text on Tuesday morning. Nothing ALL day. I left for my next happy hour date after work. On my way I get a phone call. Disaster strikes twice. 1. He got laid off from his job. 2. He also is coughing and stuffed up and has the flu. Damn you Cupid. You took his pride (work) and now he's got the flu, at least one week away from each other. I tell him to rest and call me later. Later ends up being Saturday. When I call him. BTW... my Tuesday meet up goes fairly well. We split the bill so I call that a 'meet up'. He pays... it's a date. He will be known as 'Serenity'.
Seriously, I can't believe I am still typing. It's so funny to relive all of this! I hope you all know this is AMAZINGLY like therapy :)
Friday night I meet my first Ok Cupid date. We will call him... Tipper. I'll get back to him later.
Okay. I call Sparks on Saturday. We decide to have coffee on Sunday night. I'm so excited to see him again so I straighten my hair and try on about four outfits trying to look cute. When I see him its... different. Yeah, he's been sick and laid off from his job. His attitude is good and he is concentrating on school. Oh, I forgot to mention he's a student at DU getting his second masters. So we share the 'too much paper' thing too. Anyway, we chit chat and end up ordering food and drinking tea for about 2 hours. He's distant. Sparks didn't show up. He sent a dull yellow flickering fluorescent tube light in his presence. I was sad. I walked him half way home to catch my bus. And I can't even prepare you for this flag on the field... I'm just going to drop it on you, like it was dropped on me.
A guy across the street yells,"Hey man, where is the Diamond Cabaret?!" Sparks, without missing a beat, says the address and points the guys in the right direction, THEN tells them it isn't that great of a club. You should go to Shotgun Willie's it's a much better strip club. THEN proceeds to give me the play by play low down on both clubs and a couple others in town. Inside Rebekah's head,"WTF?!?!?" Pick jaw off concrete. What comes out... nervous laughter. We hug and say good night. I get on my bus. I go to my friend Em's house immediately. I vomit the night's happenings to her in shock. Did I hear what I thought I heard? She is sweet and tries to diffuse my anxiety. But we are both left with red flags. I don't ever call him again. He never calls me either. Damn you Cupid.
I go out with Serenity on Sunday morning for brunch.
Summary. 1. Sparks 2. Serenity 3. Tipper in that order. So far every guy I have gone out with wants to see me again. I can't say the same for me. I need help on the cool break up techniques. Not like guys have 'let me down' in the past. Not calling is NOT acceptable.
Friday, October 30, 2009
Could Cupid hit the broadside of a barn?
I know the economy is in the bag... but who laid Cupid off? Seriously. Welcome to my online, blind date adventures. This isn't SITC or Bridget Jones. I love those girls but we don't have much in common. I might identify most with Amelie... loney but content living in a fantasy world not caring to do anything about it until he finally knocks on my door. Everyone else needs me way more than I need myself to be happy.
I am happy with my job and friends so why mess that up with a man? Hmmm. Yeah, I've been thinking about that one for a while. Oh yeah, because it feels really nice to be with someone. This I am reminded when I do hang out with all of my friends who are dating and married. They seem happy... wow, I could use some of THAT kind of happy! So, I joined a couple of online dating sites. again. Yeah, we are on round two.
Sorry I didn't start this earlier... which means I have to do a little history first.
Arrive Denver July 1, 2008. Lonely. Working a lot. Get dog. Lose dog. Date neighbor. Uh oh.... lose neighbor... still friends though. Date friend of a friend. Lose friend of a friend. Re-evaluate dating practices, talk at length with girlfriends, guy friends, mom, grandma, consult web, watch romatic comedies. Hm. Sign up for online dating. Realize that the group of guys I am 'assigned to' want a best guy friend. Their profiles read like this: "Looking for a girl who loves mountain biking, working out, running, rafting, camping, climbing, triathalon, cycling, hiking, skiing, loves my dog, loves me."
Well, I am a very outdoorsy girl, love all seasons and I am in good shape. But um... I don't want to date an uber competitive guy who is so frenetic he can't sit down for a hour and cuddle up with me and watch the day go by a little bit. I dated two of these guys before I figured that out. They are hot guys that you can sit across the table and just love to look at, but their girlfriend will always be mother nature. She is apparently easier than a real girl. These guys don't stay long anyway.
So, you try going the other direction... someone who has listed their qualities as: "I love reading, cooking, going to movies, a nice wine bar, walks in the woods...". You get the idea. This guy loves his mother and all of his nieces and nephews. He has a good job at a bank, engineering firm or marketing. But he also has a habit of downing around 8-12 beers in the course of a football game and not remembering anything you talked about at your last date. So you end up having the same conversation three dates in a row. Yes, exactly, no fourth date. Three is the charm.
I am seriously trying to have the strength to go on... then we have Cheap Date, yeah he asked me what I was going to tip since I ate most of the appetizer. Horrible Driver, he backed into two cars whilst parallel parking in front of the restaurant. Tai Chi... My friend Em says that guys who read buddist books and need a lot of meditation have secret anger issues. This is so unbelieveably SPOT on. This guy just unleashed an email on me that I might just have to share. I read it like twice a day to see if it is for real.
So... I promised myself I would date. And keep dating regardless of the outcomes. That even if I didn't find 'him'. I would find something out about myself that I can't find holed up in my apartment alone. I don't want to forget to tell you that all the rest of the past will come out as this blog grows. I just don't want to overwhelm you all at once! I am sure this was enough.
I am happy with my job and friends so why mess that up with a man? Hmmm. Yeah, I've been thinking about that one for a while. Oh yeah, because it feels really nice to be with someone. This I am reminded when I do hang out with all of my friends who are dating and married. They seem happy... wow, I could use some of THAT kind of happy! So, I joined a couple of online dating sites. again. Yeah, we are on round two.
Sorry I didn't start this earlier... which means I have to do a little history first.
Arrive Denver July 1, 2008. Lonely. Working a lot. Get dog. Lose dog. Date neighbor. Uh oh.... lose neighbor... still friends though. Date friend of a friend. Lose friend of a friend. Re-evaluate dating practices, talk at length with girlfriends, guy friends, mom, grandma, consult web, watch romatic comedies. Hm. Sign up for online dating. Realize that the group of guys I am 'assigned to' want a best guy friend. Their profiles read like this: "Looking for a girl who loves mountain biking, working out, running, rafting, camping, climbing, triathalon, cycling, hiking, skiing, loves my dog, loves me."
Well, I am a very outdoorsy girl, love all seasons and I am in good shape. But um... I don't want to date an uber competitive guy who is so frenetic he can't sit down for a hour and cuddle up with me and watch the day go by a little bit. I dated two of these guys before I figured that out. They are hot guys that you can sit across the table and just love to look at, but their girlfriend will always be mother nature. She is apparently easier than a real girl. These guys don't stay long anyway.
So, you try going the other direction... someone who has listed their qualities as: "I love reading, cooking, going to movies, a nice wine bar, walks in the woods...". You get the idea. This guy loves his mother and all of his nieces and nephews. He has a good job at a bank, engineering firm or marketing. But he also has a habit of downing around 8-12 beers in the course of a football game and not remembering anything you talked about at your last date. So you end up having the same conversation three dates in a row. Yes, exactly, no fourth date. Three is the charm.
I am seriously trying to have the strength to go on... then we have Cheap Date, yeah he asked me what I was going to tip since I ate most of the appetizer. Horrible Driver, he backed into two cars whilst parallel parking in front of the restaurant. Tai Chi... My friend Em says that guys who read buddist books and need a lot of meditation have secret anger issues. This is so unbelieveably SPOT on. This guy just unleashed an email on me that I might just have to share. I read it like twice a day to see if it is for real.
So... I promised myself I would date. And keep dating regardless of the outcomes. That even if I didn't find 'him'. I would find something out about myself that I can't find holed up in my apartment alone. I don't want to forget to tell you that all the rest of the past will come out as this blog grows. I just don't want to overwhelm you all at once! I am sure this was enough.
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