My Prairie Valentine: My Theme for 2013

My Prairie Valentine: My Theme for 2013: I recently read a little post on LinkedIn, another social network I belong to, that reminded me of something I do each year - unknowingly? I...

My Theme for 2013

I recently read a little post on LinkedIn, another social network I belong to, that reminded me of something I do each year - unknowingly? I mean I know what I do... However, until this morning I had been making these little "resolutions" without much thought. I always make what I thought were good resolutions or goals around this time of the year {nerd}. Well, I would make goals or resolutions that will hopefully inspire me or motivate me in a WHOLE way. I don't make resolutions that are projects {i.e. go or quit doing this or that} Let me try to explain.

The post I read made me realize that I have been consciously doing myself the favor of setting goals with a theme. That is the spark here!! I make goals that have a theme! Okay... why did I not realize this?? But now it is crystal clear?? Let me try to explain that aspect... I am a huge fan of Strengths Finder. If you haven't heard of it... check this out. http://www.strengthsfinder.com/home.aspx

Since I've taken the evaluation, I have kept coming back to them. I love knowing them and seeing them in action {like now!}. I bring these strengths papers with me to interviews because they help me talk about me in a way I have never been able to. Sure, I can talk about what projects I've done or some skill set I have. Stuff like that. But when you're asked to talk about yourself, your character, the way you work, what you NEED to succeed in a job, it can be difficult. Either you sound too passive or egotistical. Or you may not even be able to answer with clarity what your strengths or weaknesses are.

For the Love of Cookies

Maybe because having a child creates a scheduled life, or maybe because as we get older time just doesn't seem to slow down like it did when we were younger. Even in my teens a summer day lasted ages! Laying on the dock at Gull Lake. Nine Inch Nails in my sweet cd boom box. Sitting in the sun for hours... Yeah, I'll pay for that someday. I'm sure of it. But I blinked and summer was gone. Well, not here it isn't ever 'gone'. It was 72 today. But in the greater parts of Colorado they are enjoying snow. Oh how I feel robbed that I can't see the snow... sigh. I want to go snowboarding (whine whine). I'm making plans for February/ March. Hopefully, my friend Lindsay will join! And possibly my brother and sister-in-law too! It would be a really great trip to get everyone together. The snow should be stellar then too!

I'm making my Christmas lists today and getting ready to make some gifts for my family. Money has been tight for years... so I've made a tradition out of homemade gifts. It's nice to expect some good care packages with all the holiday parties, I'm sure my extra treats get gobbled up by someone! I've got my traditional baked goods going out, including sugar cookies the size of your head. I've got these awesome huge copper cookie cutters from Williams and Sonoma. I do love them...  As a tradition, each year I've treated myself to one. This year I have my eye on the snowman!

Friends, Foodies & Design Junkies...

I have felt a little guilty about my last two posts on this blog. Not because it isn't what I'm dealing with and excited about right now... but I guess it's the venue. I'm torn between writing about my family... and my 'job'. Well, I don't have a job... per se. I have a passion that I'm hoping will earn me some money. Thing is, I meant it when I said I was following some sage advice... I read that you should be doing for a living what you do when you procrastinate. I doodle, I look up fonts and color palettes... therefore I am. A lovely design life IS for me. For me this is the ultimate serenity where the flourish of a pretty calligraphy font meets those countless procrastination doodles in my sketchbooks. I can't help it that I covet pretty paper and heavily weighted pens. That at this very moment I have coffee, tea, water and soda on my desk simultaneously because I sit here for long periods of time getting inspired, or trying to inspire others.

To remedy these two parts of my heart... I've started a new blog! Just for the design junkies. I will keep My Prairie Valentine strictly for my family and life ranting related posts. And I will have the font and color palette love on my new blog... found here... http://flourishanddoodle.blogspot.com/ 

I hope you will appreciate that decision. I will get back to posting recipes ASAP! I love all of you... and thank you for making me feel like my writing is well... worth writing. I am also working on a new blog template so be patient with me. I'm excited to be working on it and didn't want to start changing parts until I have it all done. xoxo

P.S. I DO want to tell you that I got 3 design jobs today!! Of course they are all pro-bono. blah, blah, blah... Yes, I know. But, I need confidence right now. I feel like I'm building my non-existent portfolio. Bear with me... I am designing posters for 2 big events in the area. My name will be visible and the organizations promised to promote me. That also goes for a logo that I'm designing for a non-profit arts agency!! (who also asked me to be on their board of directors...) As for PAID work from said pro-bono folks, I have leads for a few other logo and branding clients. Just wanted to say... woo hoo!!

Coloring Outside the Lines

I never was good at being perfectly inside the colorbook lines. I always got excited to see the finished product and rushed. I tried the outlining, the soft color... nope. Just always ended up getting a little around the edges somewhere. Now that I'm older I can appreciate that it is just my style. When I was a kid I just thought maybe I should try something else. Maybe I wasn't good at coloring. I've learned that getting a little bit of paint, marker or pencil outside the lines adds a special quality that is mine. It gives me a solid feeling of 'mine'. I own that color outside the line!

I love looking for color swatches and palettes as much as I love fonts. I get tremendous pleasure in matching up a funky pair of colors and watching them harmonize! Even in my own closet, I will grab a peacock teal shirt and start immediately searching for the terracotta or coral hue that will suit my mood... Yes. I like to name my colors as well. As if they were jumping from the pages of Mr. Peterman's catalog... or a nice J. Crew ad. Today I wore grays and purples... It was a gloomyish day. I dress for my mood. Next time I make a reference like that I will attach a photo. I need to take more photos.

Font-tastic Monday. Is this heaven?

I am working very hard on becoming proficient in Illustrator. It is similar to Photoshop but then takes everything up about 20 notches. There is so much freedom to sketch (even in perspective), text, edit patterns, objects and lordy, lordy! Freedom which as you know can be frustrating and exhilarating all at once! Pretty much if you can think it you can do it. I've done a few tutorials on YouTube that still have my head spinning. I've learned some things I can do with lines and swirls that I can't yet comprehend how I will begin to use them. Sigh. Love it! I have to learn to let go and just go for it.

So, I need my focus... I've set aside specific days to work on particular projects. Monday is the day I have set aside for font exploration. Yes... a whole day dedicated to fonts. Downloading them, creating them and designing with them. I am thrown back to the days that my mom would bring me home typography books from the architecture firm. I would browse slowly through them tagging and coloring the pages that I loved.

Another False Start... My Heart Hurts. But It Will Heal.

My first post... Well, I did try to look at the silver lining of things and understand where I was etc. Worried about my life as an architect gone bye-bye... And excited about my life as a mother. As you can guess, I am still glowing and smiling about my little Xan. The budget thing I wanted to do is still SO difficult. When you can't make ends meet I don't even know how to have a budget. Somehow we find a way to make it, but money is so tight it literally takes my breath away. However, being home is still priceless. I love, love, love being at home with the baby. He changes so much everyday. I hang on his every coo and little movements that are turning into real gestures.

I had an epiphany today while browsing pinterest... yes, I'm as obsessed as everyone else... and I realized I was actually missing something significant from my daily life. Believe or not, as an artist here in La Junta, I do not have an office/ craft/ creative/ studio space. I actually haven't had one up and running since I was "removed" from my job in 2010. It is as if my soul is packed away in boxes and bags. I get to haul them out once in a while and make an unbelievable mess that bugs me... but hey what's a gal to do.

Home Sweet Home

I love fall. I think what intrigues me about fall is that it is such a beautifully colorful transition that ends in such a monochromatic season. I am missing Michigan always at this time. The abundance of trees and foliage makes for the most incredible sights. Here on the prairie it goes from a green/ brown hue to just all brown tones. It's always pretty bland and most of the trees look as though they've given up, but nature just keeps pushing them to sprout leaves year after year. But, they don't care.

In Michigan, fall is natures way of giving you a memory to hold on to. It goes all out like fireworks before winter. Leaving you with the impression of lovely rainbow hues I would imagine to get you through the black and white of winter. I know a few of my friends will be walking about seeing the beauty in Michigan through their fancy lenses as well. I am excited to see their work! My friend Amelia has already sent me gorgeous photos of our home and surrounding area. I'm so homesick...

The shed in our backyard

I also love the monochromatic winter. The deep snow. Really lovely deep snow. The shimmering sparkle on the snow in the backyard. The piles of freshly fallen powder that night groomed just before I plow through it with my snowboard. Crisp air that reminds you what air ought to smell and taste like. The mist that comes from your breath. The chill that I get stepping out of the door knowing that when I return home and walk inside it is warm and cozy. There are blankets I've used since I was a baby in this house. The oven is warm and yummy foods are prepared and drinking hot coffee in my grandparents kitchen. The home that will be ours very soon holds so many wonderful memories. We are about to create new traditions and hang on dearly to the old ones.

Home Sweet Home

Unfortunately, we won't be home until after the first of January. Unfortunate because I really wanted to decorate the house for Christmas. It is kind of a famous Christmas house in our town. My grandparents were on Channel 3 news and in the paper for their pretty decor. A tree in every room. And each room had a sort of theme. Growing up as a kid we had presents under every tree. Yup... every tree. Spoiled rotten the four of us. Somehow we all turned out really great! Not one of us is selfish or demanding. We help each other out every chance we get. I guess it just depends on who ya are.

But, I have some great Christmas ideas to get me through this time of homesickness. I'm making my grandmother's recipes for my family. Homemade caramels, cookies, and cracker toffee. I hope it will help me connect and feel closer. I need that right now. I will share my recipes as I begin making them in a couple of weeks. Please share your traditions and recipes too!

Reading Anything, Worth Reading Again?

My test of a good book is that I can't wait to pass it on to a friend. My test of a great book is that I not only circulate it, but that I want to keep going back to it. Learn more from it. Read it again when I have grown in some way that it might tell me something new. I certainly judge a book by its cover as well as its insides... Don't judge me yet! It is truly because I love typography and clever graphics. It's not my favorite way to choose a book but sometimes when I just want a good read and haven't had any suggestions from friends or read a good review, I do rely on a good cover to entice me.

Addicted to Netflix Send Help

Tuesday began as a wonderful day! Monday felt so painfully long with Xan getting up so early and not sleeping on Sunday night. He had a rough time sleeping. I wasn't sure if it was his stuffy nose or if it was his dreams? Or is it my addiction to Netflix?

Yes. Netflix is a terrible addiction of mine... how did this happen? I don't have cable or a t.v. antenna so that's part of it. Instead I have Netflix with scores and scores of television, movies and documentaries. Oh, how I love documentaries!! Watching my wish list of movies is more difficult since they aren't all on instant, but the documentaries are wonderful. When Xan is dozing off in his bouncy seat after a bottle, I rock him and let the Netflix marathon begin! I'm watching all of the Alias episodes right now... Already finished Sherlock Holmes, Merlin, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and started the X files. Why do I feel so guilty??

I Heart Breakfast

I can eat breakfast 3 times a day. Maybe more! When we lived in Denver we would walk to a couple different breakfast joints. Jelly, Snooze, the place that starts with an M over by REI (LOL)... and Spices. Oh do I miss them dearly! At Jelly, my absolute favorite, it was a constant foodie adventure... what to try next when all you wanted was the same thing you had the last trip. Oh yum. So, I try to recreate some of those delicious experiences at home now. But, honestly... it just isn't the same. I would love to shadow the guy who makes up all the hashes there. They are incredible... craving one now...

11/4 Weekly Menu and Grocery List

This week was great for budget and menu. I came in at just $128 and some change for about 2 weeks of meals and even some yummy desserts and snacks! Yes, some of these recipes will be frozen for next week... That's just a huge time saver. Breakfast, lunch and dinner. Yeah... I'm a little proud I have to say. But recipe research goes a long way. If ya can do it... it pays off. So, I've done it for you! Check this out and see what ya think...

If Chicken Were a Vegetable... OH, and Turkey too...

John and I eat vegetarian a couple times a week. I go back to my veg roots and whip up some of my old favorites. But damn... chicken keeps getting in the way of going full time vegetarian for John. I've tried introducing the fake stuff into some recipes. It works in a couple of my comfort food recipes but not when you just want a nice juicy piece of grilled chicken and veggies. Or a good turkey burger.

We have cut out all red meat, and we don't eat pork either. Just keeping low fat and low cholesterol keeps us pretty fit without even trying. I've noticed that when you make a burger or a steak... fried potatoes and other unhealthy sides come into play pretty naturally. And even if ya do just steam some veggies, take a look at a label for what a quarter pound burger contains. Yikes...

Plus, I've mentioned before that we live near hog and cattle farms... uh, yeah. All you need is a little window into the soul of that industry to make you run the other way. I'm thinking that maybe if we moved near a chicken operation we'd be completely done with eating animals. I've watched what some chicken processors do to their animals via Food Inc. and other documentaries. I do not buy from them (I will not mention names). I only buy organic, period. Someday I may even raise my own! Until that day, we will probably continue to eat as healthy as possible. So, I have been looking up some great healthy chicken recipes that I will share with you!

The Budget & Life: Catching Up!

Motherhood is phenomenal. I can't say enough about the reward of caring for Xan and having him in our life. He's redefined everything in the most incredible way. I will speak honestly. It isn't at all the burden that I thought would scare me away from having children at any point. I was terrified in my 20's and into my 30's. Meeting John changed all the rules. And when we started talking about having kids I was honest about my fears. But knowing that we were doing this together finally sunk in. I wasn't doing this alone. And we dove in. Fact is... It's liberated me.

Let me explain. Before Xan I was a planner. Scheduled, organized and knew exactly where and what I was doing. When anything upset those plans (getting laid off, mistakes I made, or any proverbial wrench) I would sometimes tail-spin. It would really upset me as I tried so hard to get back on track. That 'track' is what I've learned, with Xan and John's help... doesn't mean jack. Not without them.

Love: Office Supplies

Well, Monday came and went now didn't it? Monday seemed to go on forever! Only because Xan would not take a nap. Those days are my longest. He was in a really happy and silly mood in the morning. But as the day went on he got grumpier and grumpier... Mostly because he was tired. Mid scream around 7pm he finally succumbed to a nap until 830pm. Hey, you gotta take what you can get!
He didn't fall asleep until 11pm... And it was on the sofa with me. I was holding him after his bottle and I didn't want to move him given the day we had. So we slept there until 430am. Well, he did. I napped in and out as he moved around a little. I love snuggling him and feeling his little head under my chin. It's the single greatest moment in my life with him at this age right now... well, besides the new smiles and attempts at giggles!

Ahhh... the sweetest face!

Monday Love: Geek

This Monday Love will be dedicated to geeky & nerdy stuff that I love... here are a few finds that I just couldn't pass up this week!

Geek Kids
If you want your kids to grow up as geeky as you... then you must get to ThinkGeek immediately. They have the best gifts you can ever give to your kiddos. You will also have the most unique shower and birthday gifts at the party too! That is unless your at a geek friends house and then they probably are already clued in on the awesomeness of this website. My must have for Xan is a set of wooden blocks with the periodic table on them. Ultimate geek toy for your 1 to 3 yr old!

Monday Love

My first post for the 'Love' section of the blog. Only... I haven't quite figured out how to post to other pages. I am still that lame at blogging. sigh. Until then... I have dedicated my Monday's to posting things I've been browsing around during the week for inspiration and for my family. Here are a few things I'm loving this week!

Clothes

I'm loving that fall is right around the corner! I am starting to lose my pregnancy weight, but still not quite into my old clothes yet. I am dreaming of some new clothes regardless... And just in case I'm not down to my old size by fall. I love colored jeans... I don't know which color I love more, the aqua blue I have pictured or possibly a bright shade of poppy! Regardless, new over the knee boots from Steve Madden and a sweater from my new favorite online shop ModCloth are in order!

Crying, Loving & Laughing

Whoa! It's been three weeks. Next week our son Xan will be one month old... Where did the time go? I remember a little. Okay... you caught me in a lie. You all know I've been logging every single second I can into my already full brain of every movement, smile, cry, coo, and gaze that I exchange with my son. He's the most amazing being I've ever met...insert loving... I can't believe we brought him into the world. Yeah... first time parents...insert the biggest love... July 16th, 8:38pm; 7 pounds and 3 ounces; 20.5" long. All ours...insert crying (tears of ultimate joy) here...

Not my plan... but nonetheless the plan that will be.

On July 10th, a new plan for the birth of our son became necessary for few reasons. The amniotic fluid surrounding him has become very low, without an explanation. I just don't seem to be holding on to the water. The normal range is between 5 and 25 cm. Well, that is a pretty big 'normal' if you ask me. I was 7cm last Tuesday (July 3rd)... I was concerned and started downing the fluids being at the low end of a large spectrum. This past week (July 10) I had gone down to 5cm.

Uh oh. I just froze. How could that be??

John and I both got nervous hearing this. It went down?? I pleaded with my doc and told him I swear I've been drinking a ton! I did not ignore your advice. Good news is... his kidney function is great! So is heart and lung function. But again... fluids... where are they going? Why am I not producing? I'm not leaking and I'm drinking till "my teeth float" as my doctor put it. I honestly feel like it's going to come back up if I drink another sip sometimes! Well, in your ninth month your body slows a lot of the regular functions it was performing because the hormones are now preparing for birth. And your body then begins to rely on the baby to recycle the water through urination. However, Xan isn't doing this very well.

A Week of Pinterest Recipes

If you’re not on board yet... (yes, that’s going to be a pun when you find out) Get ready, as Pinterest will now be part of the catch phrases that we utter almost daily.

Gone will be the days of - "Oh where did you get that recipe!"; “I Googled it.” Now, it will be, “I pinned it” or “On Pinterest...”. The instant gratification is overwhelming. You don’t even have to know what you’re looking for! You log in and start browsing through categories of things you like. Or everything at once if you're looking to be inspired. You are looking at ‘boards’ are specially designed for the visual. Sexy photos that are captioned with just enough information to make you click to find out more or want to see the image bigger. Then you can follow other peoples pins if  you like their style and have similar interests. Many blogs now have links... I have a link to my own Pinterest boards under the ‘Inspire’ tab on the blog. Click it and you can get a visual.

Sharing Traditions... Happy 4th of July!

The Kik's Village House

If only I could be home in Richland, Michigan right now sitting on the porch with my family and friends. I am there with my spirit and my heart. I have started some small contractions and yet, they are the false kind. Still, traveling this past week was out of the question when you're 9 months pregnant. Sigh... I just miss EVERYONE!!

I love the 4th of July. I mean I LOVE the 4th of July. Sure, I'm as patriotic as they come and love that we fought for our freedoms and independence. The holiday resonates well with an independent spirit! But most of all I love the memories that I've had since I was really little! And there have only been a few 4th's that I've missed on that porch. One in 2001, I was in Vienna, Austria. And in 2007 I was living in Winchester, England doing a summer internship. In 2008, I had just moved to Denver and had spent my vacation time back home at the end of June to see my nephew Nolan born. In 2011, John and I had just moved to Las Animas. My friend Karen was married on the 17th of July also in 2011, so we came late in the month to be with her and DJ. And now 2012... oh the sadness of two years in a row!! But so much happiness too... with our son on the way. Hmmm... I keep hoping it would be today... but alas... nothing yet.

The Simple & Convenient Kitchen

Don't we all wish we had a simple and convenient kitchen? They look like the ones in Better Homes and Gardens right? They have massive amounts of cupboards and pantry space. Everything is so organized! And I bet they own every appliance and gadget that you've drooled over at Williams & Sonoma as well. Sigh. If only my kitchen looked like that I'd BEG to stay home and cook. Isn't that what we think?

Okay, back to earth.

I have a theory that the cupboards, except the ones that have glass doors are empty. Or, if you can afford a kitchen like that surely you can afford a personal chef. I thought of becoming a chef last year to do just that. I wanted to be the vegan/ vegetarian version of Giada de Laurentis. Sigh. Not in my cards yet. I just saw those kitchens and thought... that is like an amusement park to me! I could have so much fun!

A Remembrance and a Thank You

On Sunday, Celena Hollis was murdered in City Park in Denver. Celena was a Denver police officer. She attempted to break up a fight and was fatally shot in the incident. Notably, Celena was also from Detroit where she served on the police force there. So, not only did she have ties close to where we live now... She was from my home state. I felt strongly about writing this post today. I thought you should know about her as well.

I don't need to tell you that this was a horrible and disgusting crime. You might also know that my husband is a police officer. This, like other events in the military, where I have nephews, god-daughters and friends serving... hits home hard. It can happen to anyone. At anytime.

Grocery Shopping & Meal Planning

I'm not going to kid you, the meal planning thing is hard. I've looked up other meal plans and that alone can keep you occupied for hours! I know I'm being particular, but people eat a lot of CRAP!! I can't just download a bunch of other menus... they aren't very good. If they aren't loaded with junk, they are trying to impress me with their Martha Stewart like recipes. Ugh. I couldn't find half of the ingredients where I live. And again... In a few weeks I am not going to have hours to do this. I don't expect I will have ANY time to do this.

I need to get this streamlined a little quicker. I've downloaded a pretty nice grocery shopping app called "Grocery IQ". I like that it has brand named items and gives you coupons too. It also allows you to scan everything into your cart so you know how much you're spending. My dedicated shopping day is Sunday so tomorrow we will see how this works out! I think this week, I will use a little of my "free" time and I will try to come up with two more weeks of menus (with all our staples) and I'm done. We will be a little boring for a bit... but it will be yummy!!

The Budget Marathon

I’ve called this a marathon because I know it takes training to run one. You can’t just jump in the crowd and run a marathon. Not without serious injury anyway. And I have never successfully followed a budget. Not without serious injury anyway. I usually end up overspending because I feel denied or restricted. Just like a dieter may feel if denied sweets too long and then go binging like crazy on ice cream. So, John and I are in training right now. While I still have paychecks coming in from teaching school last year, we are pretending that money doesn’t exist. We are doing this because, John and I have decided that I will stay home with Xan after he is born for at least one year (longer if I can). This means living on a salary of less than $28,000 for the three of us.

Eating for One (plus a little bit) & a recipe

When we got pregnant my doctor said, "Now Rebekah, you aren't eating for two. You're eating for one and 'a little bit'." I said I understood and was already reading up on how to stay slim through my first trimester and gain just one pound a week through my second trimester, then you finish up only gaining between 25 and 30 pounds. Which was my goal all along. I didn't want to be more miserable than I had to be gaining all of the extra weight in the middle of the desert summer.

I was blessed not to have morning sickness. I ate like a pig. I also started showing early. I don't have a very long torso so my uterus had no where to go but out. By 4 months I was out. I was so hoping to stay out of the maternity clothes for a while. But my belly and my rear end were at odds with my thoughts. My mom and I went shopping for jeans when I was back home in Michigan. They were cute! And comfy at that. I finally embraced the notion I was going to gain a lot of weight and figured that this was the time to do it!

Being proactive, I joined Curves gym. To get out and have a goal in mind. I want to be a fit pregnant woman who breezes through labor because she is strong and able. Of course in the past nine months after reading an incredible book called "The Gentle Birth Method" I realize it isn't only physical fitness but mental fitness that prepares you for birth. I've worked on meditation and even self-hypnosis for the big day. My husband keeps coughing the word..."epidural" out at me... but honestly that scares me more than contractions. I don't react well to pain medication. I don't like taking pills. I don't like feeling like I can't handle something. When you are numbed up you can't leave your bed, you need a catheter, you have to be constantly monitored... here come the IVs... Yeah, not so much my party.

If I could have my way... I would love a mid-wife and a birthing pool at home! THAT would have been exactly perfect. I'm such a hippee... (as John puts it :) In lieu of that choice, I have a good doctor and a caring hospital. They understand what I want and have vowed to try and accommodate my birth plan as closely as possible. Even if I can't have a water birth... sigh. I am Aquarius the water bearer! It just makes sense. Plus, my husband is a Pisces. We were always meant to have a fish for a baby either way.

Will the pain be bearable? I don't know. I've never done this before. I honestly am going to keep my expectations low. I am going into this with the attitude of, yeah it is bearable. My body was made to do this. I will do my best to be present, relax, and let the moment be about my son and I, as a team, making this birth happen. I chose to trust my body. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. This won't last forever. A long time... what seems like it, I'm sure. Forever, no. I have a wonderful husband that I've been telling this 'story' to weekly. Sometimes daily. It is my affirmation. My mantra for labor and delivery. I have music picked out and even great visualizations. I want this day to be about calm. I truly believe it will. And I've resolved that if something, anything must intervene, that it is also the way it was supposed to be. I am reaching deep into my yoga roots for this day. I'm excited about it!

Two weeks ago Wednesday, I wound up in the emergency room with a pain in my chest and back that would not subside. The Tuesday before I had the same pain and I was able to manage it with breathing, John rubbing my back and eating a tub of Tums. I thought it was heartburn or worse acid reflux. But nothing they gave me to settle my stomach acid at the hospital would work. After 5 long hours in chest, back and stomach pain, I'd had 2 IVs, several medications and many out of breath moments. My pain finally subsided into a 'bruised' feeling. I ate half a cracker and a few bites of jello. Of course they had me connected to monitors for the baby, I started to have some contractions... no doubt with all the fuss going on. They eventually stopped and I was sent home to sleep upright as best as I could. I tried to eat in the morning. Toast and jello. Oh my lord... here comes the pain again. My doctor made an appointment with the gastroenterologist for me. I saw him the following Tuesday.

I have wonderful doctors... thank the Lord. I have been taking Prilosec two times a day, and I have a diet that was surprising to me. I thought it was going to be all rice and turkey, toast and oatmeal. Actually, I'm to stay entirely away from wheat, dairy, any high fat or high carbohydrate foods. Lean protein and veggies only. I'm learning that the veggie and fruit list is short. I can't eat asparagus, cucumbers, onions, tomato, cherries (I'm dying here), grapes, or lettuce so far. Broccoli, peas, carrots, cauliflower, and spinach seem to be okay as long as they are over cooked. Apples (small) and snacking on frozen raspberries seems to be okay. As for the veggies, I don't season them with anything. Not even salt and pepper. I've lost 8 pounds in the past three weeks, but baby Xan is doing great. And those pounds weren't doing anything for me or him anyway!

Me at 35 weeks!

I've also been drinking two protein shakes a day. I tried using almond milk, which makes them taste so good! But hurts me... So I cut it in half with water. Still hurts a little, but damn I have to eat something! Rice milk is high in sugar and I just can't do dairy even on a good day. I'm trying to avoid a ton of soy. I've heard about the estrogen link and since I already eat soy cheese and tofu I figure the soy milk was just too much. Sigh. On the bright side... I'm getting creative. And I slowly test foods out. Today I will share my awesome breakfast!

Huevos Rancheros California

I eat egg whites everyday with some kind of veggie. I tried out corn tortillas the other day without any reaction so I've started wrapping them up for a few more calories. Today I went all out adding turkey and avocado! I ate too much which I am paying for right now... as I write this sitting very straight and not thinking of the pain on my right side. Yeah, not just ingredients to watch out for but portion size. I usually eat one half of a meal, then come back to it in 30 or so minutes for best results.

Huevos Rancheros "California"

3/4 cup egg whites
slice of vegan cheese
1/2 avocado
3 oz. turkey
1 cup wilted spinach
2 corn tortillas

Of course this is what I have to eat. You can adjust the ingredients to suit your palette and your diet. Blah and plain is for me right now. Someday I will be able to smother this awesomeness with green salsa or green chili! Even a nice sprinkling of pico de gallo would be yummy. Serve this with a side of pinto or black beans and I think you've got a serious brunch on your plate as well. Sorry my food photography isn't as sexy as some blogs... I will have to hire a stylist I guess!

Today starts my 36th week. Four weeks to term, one week to 'I can go at a moments notice', says the clever doctor. Sigh. I'm so looking forward to meeting this baby. John and I are very imaginative people. We visualize him sitting with us, sleeping, napping, eating, all kinds of songs to sing to him and even what the dog will think when he cries, laughs and starts walking. It still seems like a dream to me though. I guess because I've been waiting for 9 months in a world of instant gratification. Today I'm going to work on my office space and getting a few things hung up in the nursery. I will be sure to share pictures of our spaces soon!

Channeling Kunstler

I follow a blog by James Howard Kunstler. He mainly talks about urban issues, economic schema and the environment. He is one of the most amazingly passionate writers when it comes to his opinion. Something I identify with right now... And honestly, reading his work lately makes me think I might be needing to get something off my chest the blunt way that he does. His blog is called ClusterFuck Nation if you’re interested in taking a look. (Sorry for my readers that don’t use cuss words)

I live in a small town. A town the size of most of the neighborhoods I’ve lived in. The town of La Junta is about 8,000 residents. The entire county is 18,855 people according to the 2010 census. Yes, I said the ENTIRE county. I believe there were nearly 12,000 students on campus when I attended Notre Dame. Not to mention on game day... HA! 80,000+ people. Most of us have been to a sold out baseball game in some major stadium... Such as Rockies Stadium which holds over 50,000 seats. Just to paint the picture in very clearly to my urban friends. 19,000 people isn’t a lot.

La Junta does not have a city planner on staff nor does it have a master plan for the city. It also has not updated the comprehensive plan since the 80’s and the county has no plan to invest the already red budget in creating a document that will sit on the shelf. Yes, I’m turning red with frustration... I can’t help it!!! So many of these small towns do not know how to use long range planning documents. No wonder we are in trouble!! Good Lord what do we do??

As a built environment, the town and neighborhoods are nicely gridded and feel good to walk around (even without sidewalks). There is a fantastic WPA park in the center of town too. A train station that actually still has an Amtrak commuter route to Santa Fe, San Diego and Chicago. Consequently, John and I are planning a trip back home by train just for that reason! However, the town layout is now punctuated by tear downs of many abandoned Victorian homes, replaced by ranch burgers... that ignore their alleys and have newly carved out driveways leading to the street. Yes, it makes me want to cry. I live in one of those ranch burgers. Sigh... as my heart rate continues to go up. Especially as NO ONE here seems to see this injustice!! "Progress is a driveway sweetie, what do we need alleys for?" Okay... I can’t breathe, have you all been locked in a closet for the past 20 years?? Don’t even get me started on the historic downtown structures that are slated for demolition and the grocery store that WAS downtown that I try NOT to drive by because again... my blood pressure... arrgghh!!!

    
This brings me to how you live in a town that was built in the old west, based on a tradition, yet shuns it for “progress”. Progress is defined as a town built on ranching and farming, that now shops freely at Wal-Mart. Progress is further defined by breaking the grid in favor of swirly-twirly streets and cul-de-sacs. Progress is tearing down the grocery store building next door so that the bank, visited by 10 maybe 12 people an hour that can park on the street can now park in a lot!! If I could switch banks I would!! If I had any damn choices in this town I would make them!! And I would let them know I switched banks because they created that parking lot too. Jerks. !@#$... (Insert Kunstler speak here...)

I know that I come from a different planet than those persons born and raised out here on the prairie. That I have a different perspective. Honestly, I swear it is that I know too damn much. I feel like Erin Brockovich or something! I feel like I need to tell everyone of the injustice around them. But I’m the newbie. What do I know?? What do I REALLY know?? I don’t know if I will be beaten into submission or just keep working to find other like minded people with a bigger cause to fight for. For now, I’m getting it out in this blog and it makes me feel better just to have said how I feel. Even if there isn’t anything I can do about it. I see potential in what is here... Others see potential in plowing down what is here and transforming it into another place they’ve seen. Because anything but here is better right? They’ve really been beaten down. This town has no self-esteem.

Fact remains that John and I are here because it is a town with a dedicated and proud police department. They work tirelessly to make decisions for people that cannot make them for themselves. Domestic violence, child abuse, animal abuse, rampant drugs, theft and gang fights are par for any evenings events. We feel like we want to make a difference here. No, we aren’t sure if we can... but we want to make a difference here. There are more than just built environment and economic issues here that have been like a vice down on the population. None of this is new, I can’t help but see that the drug use, poverty, generational apathy and job losses have been plaguing La Junta before the rest of the country felt even a pinch of an economic downturn.

Why not just walk away and give this to someone else? Because that’s not us. Damn if we don't love a challenge. If John and I aren’t doing something that can’t help someone else... we just feel unfulfilled. I forgot to mention John and I are 9 days apart in birthdays. Feb 16th (me) and Feb 25th (him) both of us 1973. Makes me believe just a little more in that horoscope hootenanny!! We are very much alike when it comes to community service, reaching out and just the desperate need to feel like you’re a bigger part of something.

So, for now I grab my keys, I put aside my cynical nature as much as possible to get in my car and drive to Wal-Mart. Wal-Mart, the reason the downtown market closed. The reason Safeway struggles. The reason the farm markets are scattered and dismantled. I know it and I vote for it with every dollar I spend there. I know that. I go to Safeway when I can. But it is very expensive. I desperately try to feed the family in the only way I know how, healthy veggies that can rarely be found. Organic meat and produce that should be on every shelf is no where in sight. I can hear the gasps... I know. Rebekah drives to the grocery store (Wal-Mart no less) and she is eating food that isn’t organic and hasn’t burst into flames? Yeah, I've been like the phoenix... I still rise. In fact, I have photos to share of the Wal-Mart shelves that are sparsely filled of veggies and fruit. It is getting more and more difficult to get food shipped here, is your town next?? Stop being so naive about food production.

I took these because I wanted to show John that I wasn't kidding when I said reviving the bakery was not a possibility. I could no longer get the ingredients I needed to bake. I was having one of those days. This is a random afternoon and when I go today it will be the same. This is not after a holiday or in the middle of a stocking change.

The devil Wal-Mart I’m sure came with all these grand boasts of everything you ever wanted and more... jobs and all that jazz. No full-time employees of course. Bullshit is what they came with as usual. All this farmland surrounding the Wal-Mart no less. I’ve got an idea... GROW LOCAL! BUY LOCAL! Yeah, I’m the insane one. Because we live in a desert prairie that sells its water to Kansas. What is a prairie girl, with two cars, that lives in a ranch house that has turned its back to the alley to do? Right now, not a damn thing. I can’t point a finger at anybody without getting one right back. I don’t have any other choices. Frustration builds and ebbs away... every few weeks. Ignorance would be bliss about now.

I had to add after all of that ranting that my friend Allison sent me an email that I needed today. It was very thoughtful and had beautiful words of wisdom. I think this is what I needed before I created this post. But happy to have it after nonetheless.  

“Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at the moment.” Eckart Tolle

A Series of Beginnings and Endings

When least expected, the unexpected happens. Yes, I know, duh. And yet such an exciting part of life. That is, when the change that has occurred happens to be one you've hoped for, prayed for, longed for. When I met John I had no idea that within in the span of four weeks we would be married. It was a whirlwind romance found in books long, long ago. Our life began with what truly amounted to a three month honeymoon while I worked from home and he started school again. We loved spending time together at the zoo, walking around our Capitol Hill neighborhood and just enjoying the feeling of finding your true love. Yes, birds and hearts would actually circle our heads. They still do.

In four months we would move from Denver to Las Animas, Colorado; a very small rural town in the southeast prairie. It would take us 208 miles from our friends, neighborhood and life as I’d known it. I would transform myself from an architect to become a school teacher to 7th graders. In another three months we would leave our beloved first home behind and move temporarily to our second house in Las Animas. John would graduate from the police academy and secure a job in another town up the road. Because of the new job we would have to move in three months to said town up the road and find another house.

We would also find out that we were pregnant.

We celebrated our first wedding anniversary April 23, 2012 in our new home in La Junta. I was 6 months pregnant. John had been at his job for four months. He absolutely loves it. I’ve never seen anyone happier to go to work every day when the alarm goes off. I on the other hand was having a very hard time adjusting to being a teacher. I know now that I resented it. I wanted the life of an architect that I had known for twelve years. I hated that kids didn’t want to learn. But I kept at it and by the second semester I was doing a lot better. I’d crafted lessons that were about life and leadership. I found a little ground to stand on to get me through the year.

School is out now and I’m “inbetween” jobs. I’m waiting for my new lifelong career as a mother to begin. We’re due on July 20, 2012. So I don’t have too far to go. In the meantime I seem to be drifting. I’m honestly a bit lost. There are no possible job prospects here that can apply my education and experience. That makes me sad... frustrated... sometimes I cry about it. I loved my work. But my husband has for the first time the only job he has ever loved. And it makes me smile and truly does make me happy to see him go to work everyday and come home with a sense of pride.

I’ve reimagined this blog because I know that I can work things out when I talk about them. Only thing is... I don’t have any friends here I can talk to. I spend my days alone. We have a dog. Her name is Irma. She doesn’t mind me ranting at her sometimes. But at the end of the day, I don’t know what to do next. I’ve been working on my domestic goddess status. It is a bit frayed. While I love cooking, sewing, crafting and solving organizational problems around the home, we are a one income family. My ideas are lofty. I’m working on half a shoestring most of the time.

So here is my new blog about life on the prairie with my forever valentine John. My new baby boy is on the way. I’m sure things are going to change a lot. I’m so glad for that. Like I said in the beginning of this post: When least expected, the unexpected happens. And yet such an exciting part of life. That is when the change that has occurred is one that you had hoped for, prayed for, longed for.