Four-Oh.

Two days after Valentine's has in the past ten years been a lonely day. It is my birthday. Mostly celebrating in accord with Valentine's Day, this year will not be the case! Finally, with two successful Valentine's Days under my belt, my birthday proves to be a day on its own! Woo Hoo!

In the past, my birthday years have been a celebration with clearance Valentine things and a visit to a restaurant then out dancing or something like that. Always the day my grandparents would leave for Florida throughout my entire childhood including the day OF my birth. Other years a brunch with girlfriends.  And once upon a time even a day to consume an entire bottle of wine and a very large slice of turtle cheesecake.... by myself.

If you're familiar at all with the title of my blog, it is because so many guys would dump me on or the day before Valentine's. I have to say this particular week has a bit of a curse attached to it. I keep thinking that it can't be true. And I have gone over and over it making sure I'm not creating a self-fulfilling prophecy each year. As far as I can tell, if I do, it's because I'm so desperate for it NOT to fail that I try to hard... possibly?

I can't help but be honest and say that the last two days have been difficult. John and I had a little tension brew up yesterday. It wasn't about us directly. It was about a rumor that bubbled and spat like lava around us last summer. It was a particularly hurtful rumor about John. And it hurt me as well. Like clockwork, the curse worked its magic and we saw ALL the perpetrators of the rumor at Wal-Mart the day before my birthday. Seriously. Every single person that spat the rumor was there! However silly it was, it wiggled in and made it a difficulty for us yesterday nonetheless. I got upset and grouchy. It was my fault. I let those idiots irritate me once again and they made me feel small again. Threatened again. I am supposed to me more mature in dealing with my emotions aren't I? Afterall, I'm 40.


I think at 4 or 40 there is nothing worse than a bully. This person is the worse kind of bully too. The kind that gets under your skin because they are not just hurting you. You see all the damage they are doing to others as well. And all I can imagine is revenge. I try hard to imagine compassion instead for myself and for my family. Yesterday, I can see now was a real test. I failed that test miserably. I passed the first person... the perpetrator. And my blood boiled in anger. The second person... WHAT... angrier. The THIRD person... what is going on!! I was livid. Instead of thinking ha ha ha... you all suck and I'm the happy one... I went ballistic as soon as we walked out of the store and felt like that day when I found out the rumor was again right in front of me. Sigh. We got home and it was a mess. Let me clarify... I was a mess. I felt the need to rehash everything again. So stupid of me. Such a knee-jerk reaction.

But please, let me settle your minds. John and I are on the right foot. We always are. This is because thankfully we talk. And thankfully he knows why this whole situation is so irksome to me and he is compassionate to me. Thankfully we have vowed to not go to bed angry. We can agree to disagree... but in this case, I was the one to apologize and to try and keep my head when the situation happens again. Because I know it will happen again... and possibly again. This small town is too small some days. Okay, ALL days. John and I have vowed that we are always together and everyone else is the outsider. We are able no matter what the situation (so far) to communicate effectively and get whatever gets in... out. I have that to be thankful for!

So, the morning of my birthday was quiet... but as the day progressed so did our moods. And by the end of the day we were happy and our little family was moving forward. Xan however wasn't doing well and he had an icky cough. Instead of a dinner out we ordered pizza and watched Coraline. John and I LOVE Coraline and watch it over and over.  I also had the beautiful surprise of a silver bracelet and incredible card from my lovely boys. Over the hill, sure. But happily standing on the other side with my true loves.